How do you end an affair with someone your in love with?

Hi..
I've been in A situation for over 3 years now, im in love with the guy but he has a girlfriend & child.
We started off as just friends then one thing led to another and it became sexual. Its been on and off and its come to the point i do not know what to do, i tried millions of times to cut him off or just remain friends but somehow we always end up back in the affair. Now i love him to bits and really would prefer to just being friends as he has a family but how do you get someone who constantly says he loves you but just can't give you the relationship you want to just be friends so we can continue to be in each others lives.

Especially as his girlfriend knows about me, just don't know the extent of our 'friendship' or just turning a blind eye to it.

Like its crazy because i was the innocent party in this, never knew about the family until he had a little melt down, he girlfriend was pregnant and he managed to fall in love with me. I didn't know what to do apart from run i. e why we have been going back and forth

But i really would like some advise on what to do


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Once you knew that he had a girlfriend and she was pregnant with his child, and you stayed in a relationship with him, you were no longer an innocent party. Don' portray yourself as a victim; it will make the breakup more difficult.

    You can't remain friends with him. A very few couples can make that work but most can't. Jealousy and desire will interfere and the only way to end it is no contact - 100% no communications in any form, no texting, no Facebook, nothing!

    I wrote a take on how to break up and it has some practical suggestions for you: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11588-some-practical-advice-for-how-to-break-up I hope you will read it and perhaps even leave a comment.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a touchy situation... Although you didn't intentionally get yourself in it, you're still at partial fault. Love is a web. It's a twisted, dangerous, dangling web, and it can truly only handle two people. In this particular situation... He says he loves you. And he says he loves her. He has a child. It's ultimately not up to you, but HE needs to make a decision. And YOU need to stay away until he does. Either in your absence he will realize he wants you more than her, or realize that he's made a mistake in having this affair. Now I'm not saying you should up and disappear. I'm saying make your plan to leave until he decides clear and then go. It will be tough. Nerve racking even... But the situation won't go away and it won't get better... Until it is resolved. Good luck my dear :)

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    • I left on numerous occasions and last time i said it was the last make you decisions. And that was it we deleted each others number etc etc. Well i did but then i got ill and got some bad news from the dr and it like he sensed i was in a state because as i came of the phone with the dr he called and yes I've been keeping my distance but it really getting hard now especially when he constantly trying to come see me

    • Also he has never said he loved her, just together for his child. Because he never got the best upbringing due to a bad stepmother he doesn't want his child to experience that

    • You need to swat him off. Seriously. Ignore. Say no. Make it clear. Give him no choice but to make a choice!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • I am not sure why you don't want something better for yourself. Right now he has it all... sex with a few girls (if you think it's just you and his girlfriend you are crazy) no strings attached. Has a family to go home to and a girl on the side. If he wanted to be with you he would be with you. Period.

    Cut bait, forget being friends and go find happiness, not drama.

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  • Murder. Only way to make something go away for sure.

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    • 😞 I'm not trying to commit suicide or end up behind bars..

    • If you cover it up well enough you won't go to jail.

  • Oh aren't you just a horrible person. What's the matter not enough single guys out there?

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What Girls Said 3

  • You will always be the "other" woman.
    If he has decided to stay with his girlfriend and their kid its because he doesn't think you are worthy enough. He might say "I love you" one hundred times and the only thing he really wants from you is sex. Honestly, you are dumb for falling for his lies. What exactly made you stay? I guess you will have to settle for being his side woman until he tires of you. Sorry but its true. I doubt you have a guilty conscience. If someday his girlfriend finds out and takes the kid away, you will be the cause of it. Stay well.

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    • Thanks it actually hurts to hear thr truth sometimes. But what made me stay.. Our friendship.. Like its not all sexual, we sit there and talk about everything and nothing for hours and hours.
      I can be in the worse of moods and he changes that straight away.

      And i do have a guilty conscience I've always had a guilty conscience from the moment i found out. trust me i tried to stay away but it hurts more to stay away than talk to him. Like if im away i know its for the best. He has a family she was there first but the moment im with him i forget about her i forget about the situation. Its just me and him in lala land then reality hits me again..

  • If he was so in love with you he wouldn't have a girlfriend now would he?

    Break ties. Tell him it's over and move on. Don't be a homewrecker to a family. He has a kid with someone else and is with someone else. I don't see how friendship will work. That's a terrible idea. Have some dignity and walk away please.

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  • He's obviously not in love with you, as he's still with his girlfriend. You're just something on the side to him. You're not innocent at all, you're choosing to stay with this guy for your own interests at the expense of his girlfriend. Cut ties with him completely and find a guy who is single and faithful to you.

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