Ending an affair?

[Anonymous]

I’m in the middle of a 6 year affair with a guy I’ve known over 15 years. We are both married with children, we have been having sex the past 2 years. I am fully in love, I would never leave my husband, I love him too. He loves his wife, although I’m not sure he loves me. Lately I’ve been thinking of calling it off, purely becus of my own feelings and me falling more and more in love with him. Has anyone ended an affair successfully? I’ve tried before but within a few weeks we are back in contact. It feels almost like an addiction, I feel sick, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t concentrate and I know that will eventually pass but it’s torture. Looking to speak to people who have been in this position, not people cheated on or people who haven’t even been in a long term relationship. Yes I’m aware I’m wrong, he’s wrong, we are wrong. I’ll let god judge me when I get there.

[Anonymous]

I had an affair while I was in a long term relationship with my ex and he was also in a relationship. Mine lasted less than a year before I decided to break it off with my boyfriend bcs I realize it wasn’t fair to him. I kept seeing the other guy tho, I didn’t feel guilty bcs I’m now single and I can just look the other way about him still being in a relationship.

1.5 years into the affair I caught feelings and decided to break it off with him. He told me that he already fell for me a long time ago but didn’t want to ruin the whole thing. It made it harder for me to walk away. So I decided to prep myself and set a deadline for myself. I gave myself 3 months tops to fully enjoy my time with him, I gave him all of my love that I had with him. Then after 3 months I went cold turkey, blocked him on everything, deleted his photos, messages, etc. Got rid of all of his gifts, blocked his friends as well. It was hard but I had to do it.

I realized my mistakes, my lust have hurt a lot of people (my ex, the lover, and his girl) so for the greater good I had to pull the plug. I don’t want to be a secret, I want to openly love my man and be with him out in public. I was tired of hiding and pretending like everything was okay. If you love your child and husband more, I say just rip the bandaid off and end it asap. It’ll be hard but you gotta do it, it’s not gonna lead anywhere, you’ll only end up hurting everyone around you and also yourself in the end…

[Asker]

I’ve tried that on a few occasions, the maximum time we have broke contact for is 6 weeks then I end up going back, it’s hard it’s really hard. It feels like a breakup that I don’t want to happen. I know we will never be anymore than we are, and I’ve had all I can have for him, and I’m seemingly not happy subconsciously, I want more of him but want to stay in my current relationship. I can never have what I want because those situations can’t ever happen. How long did it take you to heal from it after going cold turkey? When will I feel ok once i do that? After a few weeks of no contact I feel like I get thrown into a pit of depression, and it’s only talking back with him that makes me feel me again, it’s hard to ride that out? But I know I have too, for my own sake and everyone else’s.

[Opinion Owner]

Well one of the things that helped me move on was the fact that I poured my heart out to him but I asked him not to reciprocate. I just needed to let everything out of my system so that I don’t get stuck with the “what if” feeling. I spent more time with my family and myself, tried out new hobbies and tried to find his “faults” so that I can paint him as a bad guy and break my own heart to stop putting him up at the pedestal. I think you have to ride it out, 6 weeks is only the beginning. It’ll probably take you a couple of months to start feeling better, you just gotta hang in there and ride it out.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

6 years of you both cheating? C'mon. Best you clear your conscience with your husband by telling the truth and go from there.

[Asker]

Well I’m not sure if it would be classed as 6 years of cheating. We have been having non regular sex for nearly two years. Before that we was purely friends. I don’t feel that’s what I need to do, how would that solve anything? Other than destroying two famlies

[JayBones2469]

Come back when everything crashes and burns. I've been there. Seen that. You are doomed.

[Sam12348]

You are back. You posted this same question last year a couple of times

[Asker]

It tough to get out of

[Asker]

Especially when you can’t talk to a single person about it

[Sam12348]

If I was you I would tell my partner and be honest about it

[Lokiion]

Terrible advice