Ending an engagement?

[Anonymous]

I have been with my boyfriend for a few years and have lived together just as long. My boyfriend now fiance proposed back in May. I was happy he was finally getting serious and wanting to settle down. Before, I was unsure of us and if he would grow up and settle down. I have had thoughts of breaking up at one point but had chose to work it out. Once he proposed it made me realize what I loved about him and was really excited to plan everything. A few months later he got fired from his job. It was more so his fault and I tried to be supportive at first. Everyone fucks up and I tried not to hold it against him. He started to get depressed (this was his first job after graduating and it was really hard to get this job to begin with. Every job he applied to would tell him no. Now he is in the same boat again and every job he applies to tells him they went with someone else.) So I get he was starting to doubt himself but I didn't want to completely put our plans on pause since I still had a steady income. I continued to plan our wedding and would occasionally tell him about it. One day he blew up at me while we were on the way to this wedding showcase and said he didn't want to go to the stupid event. Since then I've been over this whole wedding thing and our relationship has been strained. He is sinking back into his old ways like how he acted in college. I feel like he is stuck in place while I continue to grow and change in life. It makes me question our relationship and if I really want to get married. Do you think I'm just getting cold feet? Should I take a break from us for a bit?

[Goforit1010]

You cannot force someone to "grow up". That happens on their own. IF... you were already married, he wouldn't be any different. This is his personality. This is the way he views himself, life, and how he deals with adversity. From what you describe, he's behaving like a 10yr old. Only he doesn't have his parents there to coddle him and rescue him from his predicament. He's facing serious consequences for his own actions. And from what you described, it sounds like this is the first time he's had to deal with serious consequences.

Recommendation: Stop the wedding planning. He's not going to be better any time soon. Marriage brings a raft of serious problems, many that are not planned or started by you. You need to be a real adult to handle them. He's not even close to that.

[Guy13]

Sounds like neither one of you are mature enough to handle life events as married. It may be for the better to separate for 2 years and see 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Anonymous]

"I continued to plan our wedding and would occasionally tell him about it." that doesn't sound right. you both, TOGETHER, are supposed to be planning it... regardless of whatever he's doing.

the relationship will continue to be unequal. just reading your question, it should be ended yes. it doesn't seem like he wants to get married, or he's putting it on the backburner. having a job and being financially secure should be set before any marriage plans. so maybe pause or break up.

[LazerBean]

If he has a history of acting this way, he should have never dated him in the first place.

[Anonymous]

If you want to leave him over getting fired, you're not mature enough to be married.. Because you're not mature enough to understand "for better or worse"

Definitely break up with him so he can find someone better suited and mature enough to be in a relationship.

[Asker]

It seems you didn't read my full post.. I never said I wanted to break up due to him getting fired. I said everything started to change when he got fired. He started to become more closed off. I tried to giving him time to process everything but he never communicates with me about anything anymore