Why does my ex keep reaching out?

[Anonymous]

me and my ex have been broken up since Oct 2008. after the breakup we didn't speak for months .. but now in 2009 summer .. he's been reaching out trying see how I'm doing via text or video chat ..i saw him once while I was in L.A.last Sept 2009 but why..? it never goes further than that and it p*sses me off and it gets confusing .. and as of 2010 he still tries to reach out telling me about his new house he bought .. Like I care ... and I forever will deny him as a Facebook friend, and he keep requesting me like once a month... just recently I drunk texted him saying I love him.. and I still honestly do love him , and he said he loved me back ... but last night I got a text from him at like 5am saying "..." and I replied with "...?" and then he says .. "i miss you and I want to see You right now !" .which is impossible because I live out of state .so I decided to call him today .. we spoke for like 10mins nice causal talk seeing how each other was doing ... and that's it. But what's really the deal with this back and forth and he knows I hate it I told him before that its too hard for me to be his friend since were in a relationship before you just can't go back to friend zone ! ... I love him I would def want to be back with him .. but why all this pointless reaching out that never goes to the next step.

[onemoreplease]

Really, does it matter why he's doing it? Is there any explanation that will make sense to you and make it okay for him to treat you in a way that you hate? He's being disrespectful, but the problem is that he's being "nice" disrespectful... I'm sorry, but texting you at 5am, repeatedly sending you friend requests even though you deny them, and telling you he misses you when there's no possibility of seeing you are all DISRESPECTFUL because he's ignoring the fact that he's stringing you along, confusing you and making you doubt yourself. It's possible you're still "in love" with him because he won't just leave you alone and let you get over him. You said so yourself that none of this actually means he has changed, wants to get back together or has anything to offer you. Don't let him weaken you with random proclamations and phone calls that are ultimately just hot air.

[girl89]

You need to be serious with yourself, if you really do want to be back with him you need to talk with him and notify him about your feelings. If he does love you back then he will ask you to be his again. Seeing how the two of you live in two different states you would really have to ask yourself if you would want to have a long distance relationship with him.

[UkeleleLuke]

I'm in a similar situation, but on the other side obviously.

Firstly, the guy may still love you, but is too scared or worried to suggest getting back together in case of rejection or because it would likely end in a painful break-up once again.

Alternatively, maybe he is just lonely? single life can be hard after the comfort and security of a loving relationship. he may miss simply feeling intimate with someone.

Finally, is he simply jerking you around, afraid or unable to move on with his life?

There are probably many other explanations for this behaviour, but these are just a few I could think of. Think about why you broke up, could it work again between the two of you?

Regardless of this, do you really need the hassle of this guy back in your life?

[nicky-fingaz]

No matter what's going on with him do you really think this looks remotely honest and healthy?

He's either being dishonest with you or with himself, either way sucks. Cut all contact and try to quash/deal with your pining feels as best you can and move on.