My girlfriend cheated on me and so did I without her knowing. What should I do?

So here is the deal…..I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me and had been talking to this guy for about a month or so. I got into her phone records and found a number that constantly kept coming back and back. I decided to call the number to see who’s number that was. The next day I did and found out that it was a guy’s phone. That same day she came to my house and I took her phone and dialed the number. The number was saved under her best friends name which was Martha and her friend was renamed to something else. I confronted her and asked her who that was?. She broke down to tears and began to tell me everything how she had met him, how long she had been talking to him, and how sorry she really was about everything. I felt so betrayed, heartbroken, confused and sad. I began to loose it. I lost my cool and got so mad and sad at the same time. I wanted to kill myself . And I did try to kill myself that same night, I began to drink and got so drunk I ran in front of a car to get hit. The car came to a complete stop without hitting me. My friend came and picked me up from the floor. I felt so sad, lonely and heartbroken. She was everything I ever wanted, I wanted her to be my wife, the mother of my children. I love this girl to death I want to be with her so much, I want to work things out, I want to forget everything that happen and just be with her. The next day after finding out I picked her up from work and continued to do so for about a week. We both acted like none of this had happened. We got around to talk about it and she did apologize and told me she was really really sorry for what she had done. We talked and came to the conclusion to give each other some time to thinks things out. I’m writing this 3 days from the last time we spoke. We never really gave each other time to think about things on our own. I love her with all my heart has to offer and I hate to think about loosing her. I would do anything to have her back and being with her, but at the same time I have this issue on my head that I keep and keep thinking about. It’s been 3 days now and I been thinking about all this. And I did the same I cheated on her maybe four to five times trough out the two years we been together and I feel so bad about it and I know that was wrong on my behalf, but she doesn’t know she never found out. Now the question is what should I do about this? Should I take her back do to the fact that I do love her so much and that I want her to be in my life for the rest of my life even though I did cheat on her as well. I want to make things right. She’s willing to work things out and so am I but I’m so confused. I need help! so much help so please people tell me anything that you can to help me with all this please.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • First off, you sound like an idiot. You flipped out to the point of attempting suicide because she cheated on you but yet you’ve cheated on her multiple times. You say you love her and you say you want to spend the rest of your life with her but yet you cheated and are lying to her. Every sentence that you’ve written contradicts and makes you a hypocrite. I honestly don’t think that you two should be together at all. Say you do get back together, even if you both are 100% faithful to each other there will be major trust issues which will eventually cause resentment, fighting, and just ultimately pain for both of you. I’m not really sure what’s worse, the fact that she basically started a side relationship with some guy or the fact that you were just out hooking up with randoms. You both clearly have some issues to deal with both outside and within your relationship and taking some time away from each other is probably the best thing you can do for each other. But if you truly can sit there and say that you really think you two should be together then I think that at this point you need to tell her what you’ve been up to. You’ve been lucky for her not to find out so far. She’ll find out eventually and it will just be worse when she does. Telling her now means that you’ll look like an ass for flipping out like you did but right now you’re both in the wrong so there’s a greater chance that you two may be able to work out your issues together.

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    • Agreed... 100%. It doesn't seem like either of your are mature enough for a long term relationship along the lines of marriage, my man.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 16

  • It is a little absurd to see the way you reacted to her cheating, after you admitted that you have cheated on her as well.

    I think you two definitely need some time apart. And I would suggest you move on.

    Cheating is not to be taken lightly in my opinion. It's apparent neither of you are ready to fully commit to an exclusive, honest relationship. You both have growing up and learning to do.

    If you do want to be with her, maybe you should discuss what drove you both to cheat.

    And I think you should tell her you cheated too, but she will probably get PISSED because of the way you reacted to her doing so. She'll certainly see you as a hypocrite.

    This is tough. I heard a saying once "maybe it's better to leave the pieces broken, then to hurt yourself trying to put them back together"... and maybe that's what you should do.

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  • both of you should take a couple months apart, love does not cheat or lie you two sounds a little confused

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  • If you love her tell her the truth but be aware whenever there's an argument she will throw it back in your face. The relationship seems rocky though...Noone should cheat on the one they love. Take this time to really see what she means to you and if she's worth the heartache take it with no complaints

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  • I would definately tell her what you did.. The lies and guilt need to come out of both of you. Sit down with each other and just get EVERYTHING out. When you do the trust will start coming back. I trust my husband with my everything. If he did cheat on me which I know he wouldn't.. but I trust him to just tell me. Honesty and trust are the most important things in a healthy relationship. Once you have that back everything will start getting better. It will be very hard but if you truly love each other.. Love will always find its way .

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  • Don't waste each others time, say goodbye to her. You both won't be able to trust each other again. Problem solved.

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  • hm, I don't think she is sorry for what she did.. considering she called the guy again and again..

    however I do think she is sorry that she got caught by you,

    which is the same thing you would be feeling if you told her about you cheating..

    you will feel the way she did when you confronted her.

    I think that what you did was bullsh*t, you did exactly the same thing she did and now you are basically asking for gratification as to whether or not you should get off scott free.

    grow the f*** up... have some dignity and do the right thing, dump this girl and stop cheating on people.

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  • Forgive her. You cheated too. Work on what was it that made both of you want to cheat on each other. No use telling her you cheated, just don't do it again if you truly love her. Goodluck

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  • ok so I have a similar issue! I know how you feel but my boyfriend wontcome out with the whole truth an details! but he knows I know! I gave him another chance but I sometimes feel that he's still doing it because he did it once why not again! IT REALLY HURTS TO GET CHEATED ON!

    JUST DO WHAT You THINK IS BEST! I TOOK HIM BACK BECAUSE I BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES AND IN CHANGE. YES IM SCARED FROM TIME TO TIME BUT THATS SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT! YOUR ALWAYS GOING TO BE THINKING IS SHE DOING I AGAIN?

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  • First and for most you need to tell her that you cheated on her you can and won't move on with that guilt over your head you to need to sit down and talk why you did it what made you do and what can you guys do to make it better that it won't happen again. Period both of you are in the wrong which doesn't make it right and if you to really love each other you two can work it out. But I warn you it won't be easy relationships are hard but it make it all rewarding at the end.

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  • Talk to her and say that you cheated too and beg for her forgivness. Then you can call it even and work things out. And don't cheat anymore, you don't do that to someone you want as ur future wife.

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  • Why did you cheat? Now you know what it feels like. Maybe this was to be a wake up call for you. If you really love her, never cheat again and work to show her you love her and are faithful to her. Be the type of man she wouldn't cheat on.

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  • if you really do love her and care for her then you should be with her and love her and and show her how much you love her and take things slow and things will get better, if she does love you and care about you then should only focus on u. Talk to her and don't tell her that you cheated on her, cause it I it will just make things a lot worse. I really do think she is sorry for doing what she did. If you lover her then you will make things right with her. Go after her and never let her go... be strong and be faithful towards her. if she see how much you truly do lover her then she will do the same for u.. I wish you 2 the best of luck and just remember ur love for her. Take her out to dinner or a movie and just spend time with her, and things will get better...

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  • Well you did cheat on her... so don't be so butt hurt about her cheating on you... I suggest calling it even and moving on with the relationship or ending now

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  • if you want to keep her..then don't tell her you cheated..it'll make everything worse to where you're going to end up in a big arguement with her..where both of you are going to be throwing low blows about "the situation" because she's going to be upset with you because you reacted the way you did knowing that you had been unfaithful to her as well and you're going to be upset with her because she won't see "your situation" the way you do..& you'll most likely end up not speaking to each other at all for a long period of time...

    and since you're a guy..you probably want to tell her because you feel guilty or so you can sleep better at night..so you telling her is your way of making yourself feel better..you're not really thinking about her..but I really hope everything works out for you

    i'll have my fingers crossed lol X...

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  • its always the right thing to tell someone that you cheated on them. and you're honeslty being a hypocryte with now.

    i understand how upset and hurt you are but you have to think about her too. she did it ONE time and you did it FOUR or FIVE times. just think about how hurt she would be if she found out that you cheated too.

    it seems like to me that you both aren't ready for a serious relationship. you may love eachother, but you must not love someone enough to cheat on them.

    you two are doing the right thing by giving each other space. the best thing to do is break up or take a break. and think about what you really love.

    what is love without trust? you can trust her now, and if she found out you cheated on her too I know she wouldn't trust you either.

    if you really do love her, then tell her. if she leaves you, then you deserve it. just as much as she doesn't deserve you.

    you seem like a very nice guy and a great boyfriend (besides the fact of cheating) you said you want to marry her and have children one day. do you honeslty want to go the rest of your live with someone you love and have so much guilt inside of you because you never told her you cheated on her more then once? I would take the risk of telling her, and I think now would be the best time since you both cheated. maybe she will take you back becuase she realizes what she did wrong and you both can sympothize with eachother.

    if it doesn't work out then it wasn't meant to be. just becasue you love her doesn't mean she isn't going to be the last women you love for the rest of you're life. just remember not to make the same mistake again, and learn from it. you're only hurting yourself in the end.

    good luck (:

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  • Tell her you cheated on her.. you hypocrite.. stop feeling sorry for yourself... and you're not meant to be together.. cause if you were.. you'd be faithful.. child

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What Guys Said 15

  • I felt so betrayed, heartbroken, confused and sad. I began to loose it. I lost my cool and got so mad and sad at the same time. I wanted to kill myself ."

    "And I did the same I cheated on her maybe four to five times trough out the two years we been together and I feel so bad about it and I know that was wrong on my behalf, but she doesn't know she never found out."

    It proves you're both human.

    Whether to have a big discussion about it or not, it can not be undone. You can forgive each other and start all over again (or try it) or just shrug and think that she's no better than you are.

    Is the mutual confession necessary or even helpful to get on? That's up to you to know. For some couples it helps, with other couples it can ruin everything.

    Think about being an "open couple" too, extramarital sex without the jealousy and the guilt .

    Some can manage it (those who are self assured and not jealous)

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  • Hey man well I'm sorry to hear it but really, you deserved this... Relationships are nothing without honesty and trust, those are the two main components. You feel even worse beacuse uve done it to her. The first step is telling her what you did. everything leave nothing out. Then allow tihngs to settle down, give it real time and then see, because I this is the truth Want to be with her forever but you’ve cheated on her 4to 5 times… This is a ridiculous statement and something that is wrong with society today. People use to meet eachother, go on multiple dates, maybe ask them to go out, share a kiss and slowly progress. Now its I'm gonna mess around with this person because its fun and I can, and it is a very terrible social problem facing the world, people are loosing sight of love and you happen to be one of them. If you want a real relationship with real love, why don’t you tell her what you did, and see if she would take you back. I guarantee she had been talking to this guy because she had lost some connection to you within all of this, and honesty is the key to building that up. I can see that you do seem to love her, but if you really love her doesn’t she deserve the truth. Sometimes telling them no matter how much it hurts is the only way. Also she is not sorry, this had been goingon for a while, she just didn't want to get caught.

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  • So it was ok when you cheated but when she cheated you wanted to kill yourself when she did? Are you a narcissist or just selfish? Dude, you need to tell her that you cheated too and that you don't deserve to be with her. Tell her you don't expect to get back together with her because she may have cheated once but you cheated many times. You are far worse than her in that department. If you are going to be a cheater, you need to be accepting if she is a cheater too. If after all the skeletons are out, you 2 can either be cheaters together or cheaters apart.

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  • Dont tell her! just take her back and make sure she never does it again. make sure you never do it again either since you know how it feels to be cheated on. If you tell her things will NEVER NEVER be the same. you won't be able to even wipe your ass without her accusing you of something. She'll possibly even stop feeling bad and cheat on your ass again. Then again it all has to do with the type of personality she has and how bad its eating at you inside. If you do tell her do so with thinking the worst possible outcome will happen. Just my advice brotha. But then again I would never cheat so...

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  • You guys both aren't ready to be in a committed relationship. You still got your whole life to do things right so why make life miserable playing eye for an eye tooth for a tooth the rest of your life? Just break it off and if you get back together when you have both grown up a little bit then maybe it is meant to be. Odds are, this relationship is going to hit the ground hard. Try using intelligence before you use your emotions. Ask these questions to yourself:

    What do I want?

    What do I have to do to get it?

    Is it working out for me?

    If not, what do I have to do to change that?

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  • Do other people a favour, please, it's pure logic:

    2 cheaters in 1 couple= 1bad couple

    2 cheaters in 2 couples= 2 bad couples

    If you dump each other and move on you'll both make other people unhappy.

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  • Had a similar situation. First you will have to tell her about cheating or believe me your marriage or whatever won't last. Second the argument will shift to her having the upper hand when you tell her. Then you can level with each other and say that it was a mistake and it won't happen again. You should be sure that you both have changed and if it happens again you should break up honestly. When my girlfriend did a similar thing I went to counseling and googled "how to forgive someone" which helped alot. Just realize that you both have changed now, but in the future neither of you should put up with cheating or end it.

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  • Eject.

    If you both messing around with other people, then the relationship isn't fulfilling for either of you. You both will be snooping around, trying to find out if the other is cheating. Unless you like living in paranoia, get out.

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  • Don't tell her you cheated. Leave things as they are. Leave her for both of your sakes.

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  • There should be no confusion here... you 'stole' one. Charge it to the game, as they say. Hopefully things will work out with ur gf...

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  • well I think you should tell her you cheated on her and talk about it with eachother, whatever happens happens, I'm sry

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  • I would tell her that I cheated on her & apologize...

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  • dude drop her, your her fallback guy. Move on, find someone else.

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  • just break up this is supid

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  • been 14 days... updates anyone?

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