Ex hasn't been with anyone since me?

[Lioness]

So my ex mentioned this to me, and I'm feeling conflicted by this since when I broke up with him year and half ago I was kinda hoping he would date to figure out what he wanted... But hasn't. I know when we got together his previous LTR ended few months prior but this time he seems to be no hurry... Not interested? I dunno he mentioned before if we are meant to be together we will be and when I moved away he told me his mom was sad cuz now her "son is going to be alone" and last few texts were "I care about you" " I've been thinking about you with a kissy face" soo you think he still may want to be with me? I just can't stop thinking about him... And he's not giving me closure :(

[FlutteringFeelings]

No one wants to be broken up with so of course that feeling will come across them to get your attention and get back with you. Not everyone who comes back in your life is meant to be with you for a round two. "If it's meant to be it will be " means when you first get in a relationship with someone the "meant to be" motto steps in and it's either the relationships works out or it doesn't. Don't allow manipulation to make you fall back in the same traps you got out of. Know one thing about guys and when they want something, most will tell you everything that you want to hear from sweet as in cookies&cream. He will butter you up so good till he breaks your huge wall you built up which separated the two of you. Don't be fooled because "Warriors sometimes go through the same battle twice". Just because you ordered pizza and someone knocks on the door and you receive it doesn't mean the second knock is an okay to open the door for the same guy because you didn't order anything else. Everyone gets served what they deserve and just because a knock is at your door doesn't mean you open it just to hear what that person has to say (relating back to the pizza guy). Some people you just gotta love them from a distance because it not only secures your time and not waste it but secures your heart. If it was meant to be it would still be don't be fooled by messaged because he knows that's the same thing that got you in as he's trying to figure out the ways you got out under his spell and is trying to pull you BACK in to his bull crap. Just a pep talk , i know when you break up with someone you want to see who their next gig is and who is the "new" girl but once you break up with someone try to focus on "you". You're eager to see who is his next girl anxious and hoping he doesn't find another one. Be glad that whichever girl he's going after won't be you because as much as you're looking to see what girl he's going after.. people who you doubt are watching are observing to see if you're going to go back to him.

Don't walk away when him finding someone else and leaving you forces you to walk away because you have no choice. Walk away when you are given the open opportunity because no one can shield your heart but yourself. You guys might go back together, he kisses all over you, rub all over you and get you in the comfortable zone and all of a sudden feels as if he doesn't want you anymore and become ghost on you. Know what you're getting yourself into because he knows.

[FlutteringFeelings]

Sometimes it's time to set things straight and think about things before you jump right on the train. That's how women get hurt because of "words" . Be the smart women you are and nothing is easy when dealing with guys you might go an entire month thinking about what "could've been" but on the other had you can regret going with him and go an entire lifetime thinking what "shouldn't been". Be smart, because if he loved you whatever reason you broke up with him for he wouldn't have put you in that predicament that forced you to break up with him and leave a relationship behind that was moving for "2 years". Time means nothing when the person doesn't love you as much as you love them.

[Anonuser2020]

He is most likely just manipulating you because he isn't finding someone else at the moment/someone as good as you. If your ex truly loved you, you would never have left him in the 1st place. Don't fall for those fake feelings just because he just realizes what he lost.

[Lioness]

Maybe... but we wouldn't be able to hook up or anything so that's just wasted energy on his part lol

[ihateheroicleishin]

This is pretty straight forward. You need to ask yourself and be as honest and objective as possible. Is he the right one? There's a big difference between the right one, and the right now.

[Lioness]

He's not right now... I always imagined a future with him and I don't even want to be with anyone else now.

[rainbowdash_262]

I'm kinda in your position. No closure and seems like he haven't dated after me.

[Lioness]

Oh yeah? U broke things off how long ago?

[rainbowdash_262]

2 years ago.

[Lioness]

Dang girl! Why y'all broke up? Or u can PM me :)

[knightengale]

You broke up with him so you can't expect him to give you closure. In the end closure comes from yourself not the other person.

From how you write it, him not being in a rush to sleep with someone is a good thing is hows self confidence and lack of needing to rush into something.

The more important question here is why do you need him to sleep with someone? From how you write you clear care for him but are also feeling guilty for the breakup.

As others have said, cut all contact for 6 months or more and let him figure out what comes with his life.

[Lioness]

It's not about me wanting him to sleep with someone rather sometimes when u date another person it gives u perspective... Or maybe that's just me I dunno. I did leave him alone a good 4 months but wished him "happy birthday" and he was touched I guess he sent me kissy face and "I've been thinking about you"

[knightengale]

Its clear you still care for him :)

Yet what are you wanting to gain or get from from dating another person?
As he also learns a lot from not rushing into it.

As what ever he does it's his life and perspective comes from that.

You sound more confused in your feelings for him than his feelings for you :)

He comes across as healing and allowing himself time before going out there.
You come across as missing him and wanting him to have slept with someone and then maybe come back. Did you maybe break up with him as a way to let him. you find yourselves before settling down?

[knightengale]

*what are you wanting to gain or get from him dating another person?

(sorry typo ) :)

[Lioness]

I dunno if he still wants to be with me... I want to be with him but he needs to move out his folks cuz that's a huge obstacle.

[knightengale]

So you dumped him in the hope he would move out of his parents, sleep with someone else, get his heart broken and then come back to you?

Sorry to say but he deserves better

[Lioness]

No , that's not what I said... Sounds like you are projecting some hurt feelings though 😕

[Lioness]

And I never said anything about him sleeping with someone... Obviously u are a man whore if u think dating implies sex everyone. Smdh.

[knightengale]

I can confirm I have no need to project as I know enough about myself and relationships to have no angry or need to get so personal, after all you came on here for advice not me!

You have said to all of us here that you dumped him in the hope it will be "with anyone since me" So seeing as you are all adults being "with" someone usually applies a sexual relationship. Even excluding sex you are hoping he has an emotional connection with someone to then come back to you
Any man in that situation would either not come back to you or have a very broken trust in being back with someone that would dump instead of talking.
how about instead of breaking up with someone, and feelign sorry for yourself, you actually talk to him about how you want him and about what you together want for the future.
Far better than judging someone giving advice and concern on a public page!

Overall for a 35 year old woman you act like a 12 year old with such a insecure reply.

[Lioness]

That fair, you don't understand our history. When I said "date" I really just meant that, not sex but then again I guess u are just a typical guy these days no respect for waiting.

[knightengale]

LOL,
I could go into defending myself with facts about my views on life, love, sex, sexuality etc.
But with lines like "just a typical guy these days no respect for waiting." You really have no clue how to respect or understand a man.

Your guy is clearly lucky you dumped him. As who can imagine actually being a grown up and talking about stuff...

[Lioness]

And yet you seem pretty defensive 😐 You correlate dating with sex, which means you expect sex when dating a woman. That's not what I'm about, I can date a guy without sex until figuring out things between us if we're a good match.

[knightengale]

I correlate that dating can equal sex, doesn't always and only does, for myself, when there is chemistry and a change for a future together.

Although we are clearly getting off topic, when all you came on here for was to ask why your ex hasn't "been" with someone else. Apologies for thinking "been" applied a romantic possibly sexual and hopefully mature relationship.

I clearly see you are unable to comprehend, maybe due to lack of maturity or lack of experience what I was getting at and preferred to go on the offensive.

Either way I wish you good luck and will be leaving this question :)

[Lioness]

You are the one who assumed I meant "sleep together" you need to go back to school and get your head out of your @ss

[knightengale]

LOL, Dam your ex is a lucky man

Far better to be an arse than be a manipulator
Good luck with everything.

[Lioness]

You're a moron and a liar so good luck with that

[knightengale]

Thank you, I'll do great :)

[MadeInAmerica]

Well since you was the one that broke up with him usually that person is the one that explain why they are breaking up with and end it (that's the closure). Your closure should have came the moment you decided not to be with him. I'm sure he probably wants to be with you still and that happens when a breakup isn't mutual. But stand by your decision and move on. Maybe even have no contact with him awhile might help both of you.

[Lioness]

I forced myself to break up with him... I even strategied it so I could mentally, emotionally and physically detach but I never truly did :(

[abdultkd]

Hmmn. You can't really tell from that. But a way to play safe is to be nice to his mother. Call her once a while she will get the news to him herself. He will be more moved to see do something for his loved one than to himself. If after a few weeks he doesn't call you to work things out then you can just try to move on. Just don't trust that he need you when he hasn't said so expressly himself. I and a guy and I think this is How I will be most moved without thinking less of the woman. My opinion though. Take care

[Lioness]

Thanks for the advice:) he's not super close with his mom like that but if he were that would be excellent idea! I think I have to just have a one-one talk with him for both our sakes maybe.

[abdultkd]

I see. If you did broke up with him and now you have feeling for him sti, talking to him is a sure thing to do. i read in some other reply that you want to move forward , marriag, kids. Just talk to him. Good luck dear

[Lioness]

Thank you... All this feedback really helps me reflect, be objective and I will be taking some good advice I've received :)

[abdultkd]

Happy to hear that. I pray it works out the best way possible

[hellionthesage]

You seem to have a lot of questiones about your ex. So I have to ask why you broke up to begin with because it seems like you regret breaking up with him and that both of you want a relationship with each other which is why these questiones are confusing me, it seems pretty cut and dry from where I am standing. So why did you break up?

[Lioness]

A combination of things but really he just seemed too content living at his folks and I wanted to move forward, marriage, kids. He didn't live with them when first started dating:/

[hellionthesage]

Okay, I presume he had a reason for it?(ie lost his job money issues etc)

[Lioness]

The place he was renting from sold so he moved in with his folks and then last year he quit his job. He's super talented and motivated when he wants to be but he's also very patient and stubborn 😐 He always told me to have patience with him, but I never saw any progression.

[hellionthesage]

Well what was his plan? I presume that he had a reason for it?

[Lioness]

His plan? Who knows we talked about marriage, even kinda selected the reception place and he said he wanted to have a girl that looked like me.

[hellionthesage]

How do you not know? You didn't talk about it? Communication is vital in a relationship so that seems weird that he just quit his job told you to be patient and neithe one of you actually talked about what he was planning on doing. Did you not talk about it or what happened?(It seems like something that would have come up at some point).

[Lioness]

Well talking about the future seemed to give him a panic attack and I had issues with my job so I was out of work off and on. He didn't quit until we had broken up but he seemed stressed all the time. i think me not having a stable job brought insecurity about the next step :(

[hellionthesage]

Okay, well I can empathize (I was (not that I am much better off now) in a job I hated and I had to quit for my own well being despite not having that much of a plan) but that was a year ago, I think since clearly you want to be with him (there is no other possibility for why you are so hung up on this otherwise) and he seems pretty intent on being with you that you need to talk to him in person and just get everything off your chest and really communicate with each other, I'm talking about no subdle hints no suggestions out right clear cut communications. The kind where when they dodge the question you point that out and don't let them avoid the question kind of communication. Your going to have to do this or you both are going to be stuck in this limbo where neither of you moves on (which of course is absurd as if your not going to move on you might as well not move on together since at least you'll be moderatly happier). Do it in person too, its easier to communicate that way.

[Lioness]

Yes thank you for your advice your right :)

[hellionthesage]

Not a problem, I hope things work out. Like I said you need to just put everything on the table and communicate as openly as possible (and don't let him dodge the questions either). Good luck.

[Lioness]

Yes... We''ll see if he agrees to meet up with me... but he did say when we were hugging goodbye that "I'm sure we'll see each other again." So maybe he will.

[hellionthesage]

I'm sure he will.

[FitFreaky]

It seems he enjoys being with you but he is a dead end for you. I dont see how he will be good at taking care of a family if he lives with his parents at this age. Not moving out is a red flag.
It sounds like you both have different life goals and you should move on. You can do so much better.

[Lioness]

Yes, he has all the comforts he can do yard work, smoke meat, grill, garden, all that makes him happy and he will not leave that for anyone.

[Randosimed]

Looks like if you want him back, he's yours. He wants yo back, this should be fairly obvious. If you don't want him back spare both of you the drama and misery and don't lead him on. Please don't lead him on to keep as a "spare". It's a nasty thing to do to a person.

[Lioness]

No, he's not a spare to me... I'm not even interested in dating anyone else I just keep feeling like we are together but separated I dunno it's weird. I never felt quite like this before.

[Randosimed]

Sorry, I understood your question as "would he come back co me if I wanted him to?" I think most people saw it the same way. But it looks like you're looking for general feedback on the situation to figure out how you feel about it. It could help if you ask for more specific feedback by asking specific questions :)

[Lioness]

I'm better at verbal then written sometimes 😛

[Anatolian]

Hi Lioness, I think he loves you so much and you love him so much too. This break will let you see this truth. In my opinion you are ready to get marry. He cannot do anything without your presence with him, and you will be always thinking about him without his presence with you.

[Lioness]

Awwe that's soo romantic but what makes you think all that?

[Anatolian]

I read what you wrote. I feel that you will be happy together.

[Lioness]

But he seems content to live with his folks it's like he wants that and me but he has to choose. How do I make him choose?

[Anatolian]

I think you could make him choose after you change him. As what I understand from your comments, he needs to be changed. So in order to change him, you have to get close with him and spend more time with him.

[Lioness]

I thought we were but I dunno...

[Anatolian]

Don't do anything suddenly even if you know.

[Lioness]

No I can't I live too far Way... maybe in. Couple months have a talk

[MrAssHat]

ex hasn't told you he's been with anyone since you..

[Lioness]

Ex said he hasn't been with anyone since me.. like 8 months ago

[MrAssHat]

Well im going to tell you im a virgin.. does that mean im a virgin now? i wonder how much id get paid for that

[Lioness]

No I mean, he said that a few days ago... Meaning he hasn't been with anyone the last 8 months

[MrAssHat]

my point is.. prove it.. i can say anything i want to make you feel a certain way but does it mean its true? NOPE...

[Lioness]

Well I know, but there would be no point in him saying it if we are not getting back together.

[MrAssHat]

well men dont think like that.. he might have slept around nad is trying to get you to believe he didn't because you might think he missed you or whatever reason he has.. hell men come up with some bullshit lies for stupid reasons..

[Lioness]

Yeah I know they do... But I believe him he's no man whore lol

[MrAssHat]

hahaha ya and women tell me i have a kind heart and trusting eyes... that normally leads me to sleeping with them that night just fyi.. but honest in ur situation i dont know what to tell ya as all people are different.

[Lioness]

Ahh well that explains your thought processtben

[MrAssHat]

indeed =D

[Whizzy83]

Fallow the first thought that crossed your mine when you heard he still loves you. If you hesitated then the answer is NO! But if it made you feel special then fallow you heart and cherish each other, work on the imperfections that caused the break up. You are hot shit and I see why he want you back. He was a lucky man and still could be.

[Lioness]

Haha thanks 😘 But he didn't say he still loves me.

[Whizzy83]

Well if you can't stop thinking about him and he is thinking about you that pretty much sums it up don't you think. Fallow me and I'll take you out for a good time and make you forget about him 😘

[Lioness]

I dunno if he has real feelings of love... Like I dunno if he really misses me or just having me in his life. Plus I moved really far away 😔

[Whizzy83]

Looks like you both need to sit down and have a really good chat about the feeling you have for each other. Don't be that girl, you know the option girl. You are in fact beautiful and have options yourself. Distance relationship don't work and time does not apologize. You are getting. Older and you ow it to yourself to live this one life with someone that make you happy.

[Lioness]

Maybe.., I'll prob visit in a couple months and maybe it would be good to have a talk and know where I Stand. I just want him to be happy and of course I want to be happy but if it's not me that he wants I need to know that to have closure.

[Whizzy83]

You are becoming that girl that ask for advise and in the end don't fallow the advise given. I read some of the other post and you're going from a hero to a zero to me. You know they say the hardest part of moving forward is looking back. STOP looking back!

[Lioness]

I did take your advice... I'm gonna have a talk with him I just live like 1,000 miles away so it's gotta be planned.

[orphan]

like clockwork... back every week to ask a question about her ex.

[Lioness]

I know you appreciate consistency :p

[orphan]

just drive a 1000 miles and be with him. problem solved.

[bryon]

It would seem as if he is waiting to see if he will get another chance with you

[Lioness]

You mean by not dating anyone else?

[bryon]

Yes. That combined with still expressing some feelings. He seems to be holding onto hope

[Hal2002]

Ok, you hook up a few months after he ended a LTR. If you were the first person he dated, can you say rebound.

[Lioness]

No... I ended the ltr...

[Lioness]

Oops I was a bit out of it lol... I see u meant when I first met my ex. No, I met him but we we gradually started hanging out and then about 5 months later hooked up. In all after his LTR was about 8-9 months and actually he hooked up with a girl before we started dating so she's the rebound haha.

[Marttinez]

There are 3 possibilities.
1- he is lying
2- he hasn't been able to maintain a relationship
3- he could be telling the truth but don't forget why you broke up with him in the first place.

[Lioness]

Well he lives with his folks so I'm sure he hasn't tried dating anyone... and he keeps telling me "I've been thinking of you" when I saw him 5 months ago before I left he said "I've missed you". and gave me A very long, emotional bear hug 😓

[MasterofYou]

Sometimes it takes a long time for guys to move on... Been their a long time ago...

[akadatank44]

Why do you want this guy back? 😕

[Lioness]

Because I love him and miss him...

[akadatank44]

Do you really love him? Truely? Or just the thought of him?

[Lioness]

I dunno what is the difference, how do I know for sure?

[akadatank44]

Do you really like him? I mean when you spend time with him are you happier when your not with him? Are you trying to change him? Do you really know him?

[Lioness]

I just know even after 4 years being together I would still get excited to see him. I just miss his humor, intelligence and he was very affectionate. Maybe it just wasn't good timing... I dunno he needs to leave the nest permanently.

[akadatank44]

Is that why things ended? He wouldn't move out?

[Lioness]

That was a large part of it... Like I wanted to move things forward and he talked about kids but he got in a rut or comfy or whatever.

[akadatank44]

Well he obviously won't change. So the ball is your court either straight out tell him or move on.

[Lioness]

He will have to move out his folks basement someday... I imagine 🤔

[akadatank44]

I'm assuming he is your age?

[Lioness]

A few years younger

[akadatank44]

I'm surprised he hasn't been kicked out already. Why didn't he move with you?

[Lioness]

Nah, his folks love him there... He cooks, yard work, etc. I moved in with my family (temp) in FL he's in DC area. I would be willing to move further north but only if he agreed to live with me... I'm not moving in with his ma and pa lol

[akadatank44]

Lol I see. I do the same cuz my fold are older but it will stop soon since they are gonna buy a new place.
I guess you need to draw the line and say the resin ae broke up was because of you not showing any ambition to me out. Leave it at that maybe he'll take the hint to get his own place ya know?

[Lioness]

Maybe... I do believe once he moves out on his own he will find himself and be happier... I think a lot of the strong holds he can break but he needs to break away from them first :/ I dont even have any say, I'm not with him, I'm really far away. How can I tell him if he wants to be with me he has to move out?

[akadatank44]

he's definitely showing signs he's interested. Just tell him straight out. I'll be your friend and hemp you along but we can't date until you move out of your parents and get your life on track.

[Lioness]

Yes... Being interested is not enough I'm afraid he's just too settled at his folks for now. I won't be able to convince him he has to do that. I know him well enough that it has to be when he is ready.

[akadatank44]

Ahhh I see. Then I guess try and move on then😕

[Anonymous]

Do you want him back?

[Lioness]

Yes... But I moved far away so he would have to meet me half way but I don't think he will leave his folks place he seems comfy there :(

[Anonymous]

I think that he still have feelings for you

[MoonlitSonata]

How is this still a thing?

[Lioness]

I dunno... I was ok then his bday came around and I got all twisted again. Sheesh I'm hopeless 😒

[MoonlitSonata]

ugh >_<

[Lioness]

I know... I mentally just slapped my own head 😝

[Marinepilot]

Don't text him back. He's your ex for a reason.

[bcromartie]

Bummer