Good Signs or Just Leading Me On Out Of Confusion?!

My ex broke up with me 2 months ago after a 2 year relationship. He said he didn't think we should be together any more, but he still loves me, he just couldn't give me the relationship that I wanted (we're both 29 and I'm ready to commit spending the rest of my life with this man).

Anyway we didn't communicate for a month, then he text to say he thinks about me lots. Then 3 weeks later I asked him out for coffee. We had an amazing time. We got on so well and he complimented me loads. Then he hugged me goodbye and that was it.

That night he text to say it had been lovely to see me and that he had just wanted to give me a cuddle.

Anyway 2 days later I decided for once I would follow my heart and not my head and decided to text him to tell him that I miss him. This is the biggest sign I've given him that actually I still have feelings for him as I've tried to be as cool as possible since he left.

Anyway he text back straight away and told me he misses me too. He said he wished I was there with him and told me everything he'd been up to over the weekend. So I replied to say I wish he'd given me that cuddle and he replied to say he wishes he could right then! So I told him we would have to get used to missing each other and he said he missed me lots and had lost his best friend as well as his girlfriend.

I told him I'd lost a part of me to him and he replied saying "I will look after it x"

That's the last contact.

I don't want to get my hopes up, maybe he's just feeling lonely. However he isn't the kind of guy to admit he was ever wrong, and needs encouragement to express his feelings. So should I just wait and see if I hear from him? Should I ask him out? His messages last night felt like we were back together, but I know this is a slow waiting game.

Ultimately if he's not ready to settle down I guess this can't go anywhere in his head.

I love him so much. Do guys act like this to their ex's just to be nice and protect their feelings. Just because they're having an emotional wobble? Or because he's wanting the same thing I do right now? Any thoughts SO much appreciated!

Updates:
Thanks everyone for your responses. It's so good to hear different peoples takes on a situation I'm drowning in! It's been a week now and not heard a peep from him, so I guess only time will tell...will keep you posted!

Thanks again x
So I reached out to him. I text something casual and he replied ending the message with "still miss you".Since then we've been texting on and off for about 2 weeks now just casual stuff. Seems we fallen into 'friends'.Not sure how we move on from here?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • When it comes to ex's there is no real answer to what "he" is thinking. You know him better than anyone... From my experience, if the man loves you, he will be with you. For whatever reason why he isn't with you, is all on him, this decision has nothing to do with you (its how much he valued your relationship together). When men break up they have thought about it and anyone who is the dumper has to be selfish and put themselves first. Yes, sometimes we don't understand why but we don't need to we have to respect that persons decision. Men will not return to a woman out of pity, or anything like that.

    Don't get your hopes up. He most likely does miss you (he wouldn't be human if he didn't after two years). But he really doesn't have a reason to be mean to you, does he? There shouldn't be any harsh words or feelings if the break up ended on good terms and if you truly loved each other. Don't continue to contact him because he is saying that he misses you but has he shown you? Talk is cheap let him make the calls and arrange the meetings (guys don't mind doing this for woman they care for) but this doesn't mean he wants to come back. Men like to feel appreicated and usually us women can't see all the good things that our men used to do when we were a couple but see it later (don't know what you have until it's gone). You know this, and you feel it. Let him feel it to. If you really do love him, which I'm sure you do, than leave him alone with thoughts of you, let him miss you (he was prepared for this it was his decision give him that time and space). Because losing you will should hurt him more than anything you can do, but he needs to figure it out on his own... You can never choose who you love but you always have a choice on HOW you love. How you want him to love you is up to you. Men value woman with standards, your standards right now is to be the prize that you are and let men come a chasing you.

    Please try not to focus on your ex at this time. Use this time to bounce back into the world and meet new people, dam it meet new men! When you work with a break up rather than against it, you usually feel better knowing that you can't change what is happening at this time and just roll with what is given to you. Right now you have nothing but time, use it to better yourself and without doing anything your ex will hear about how great your doin without him.

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    • Very well said I plan on using your advice!!

    • Thank you. Good luck to you.

    • Men will not return to a woman out of pity, or anything like that. "

      lol, I have been trying to get an answer to this particular question for like 6 months, thanks . ha ha

      :-)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • it's a BIG difference if he text you that and he TELLS you IN PERSON.

    do the in person thing and see what happens buy let him make the move. if he don't the he's not ready.

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  • Long term relationships that break are very tricky. It usually take one of the two people to say "its over and we need to move on," or the perfect circle will continue until someone gets hurt.

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  • Takes time to get over an ex. its harder if you remain friends, and have contact, hard to move on and be commited to the new relatoinship you are in and you hope or would be tempted to hook up with him, even is its casual or fwb, not healthy.

    He might try a rebound relationship

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What Girls Said 7

  • Well, he's not doing anything just to be nice. If he didn't care, he wouldn't have sent that first text after a month, or agreed to go out for coffee.

    You have the right idea by keeping it cool. You need to follow through with that.

    He already knows you love him. Now, you need to get this message across: "If you don't snatch me up now, you'll lose me forever."

    Since you asked him out last time, I don't think you should ask him out again. But, to keep the chase going, if you don't hear from him in 3-4 weeks, leave a text or voicemail for him. But keep it flirty, and upbeat, like you don't give a SHIT whether he responds or not.

    Keep repeating this to yourself: Women choose their men, not the other way around! If you ever let him think he has the option of whether or not he gets to be with you, you will become less desirable to him.

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  • it seems like he hasn't made up his mind about your relationship. At this point only he can make the decision for himself. The more you try to guide him to come back to you, the more likely it might backfire. As the others said, just focus on you...protect your heart because you can't expect anyone else to do it for you especially him at this moment.

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  • He definitely missed you and wanted to see you and the feelings seem to be there and mutual. That's a good sign, however, have broken for a reason, and important one. You are ready to settle down, and he's incapable of providing you with the kind of commitment need at this point in your life. You two might not be on the same page, commitment wise, however this doesn't affect how you feel for one another.

    He obviously cares, but if he's still not ready to settle down then he will end up inadvertently hurting you. My guess is this has definitely crossed his mind. I propose you throw him a friendly text, like "hope all is well :)" See what he says...

    Also, enjoy the company of one another and lay off the commitment stuff for a while... he may come around because of how he feels for you, but it's probably going to be on his own time. I would totally reach out though.

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  • I know exactly how you feel, I went through the same thing except without the texts. It's only been a month since everything happened between me and my ex. But, I've got to say you have it harder. I lost myself when me and my ex stopped going out. We were friends for a year and we officially went out for five months. But you could say that we were boyfriend and girlfriend since we met. I love him and he said that he loved me. No, I don't think should ask him out. But you need to tell him your true feelings for him inside and out. If he says that he still can't be with you, then you've tried your best for him. You have nothing to lose. At least try. And do know that he is not being selfish. Once in a while you have to what's right.

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  • to be honest, don't contact him you already told him how you feel right? so... W.A..I.T... lets see what he brings in the table. Now is his turn to ask you out or just come to ur house.. just be patient.

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  • I say go on healing yourself. If he comes back, then you will have been working on "you" the whole time and better off!

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  • Guys do nothing to spare a girls feelings! If he texts you but DOESN'T do anything its good. Let things simmer a bit with an occasional text from you, you never know he cold be busy.

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    • Guys do nothing to spare a girls feelings! "

      Why do people keep saying this lol... I have been trying to ask this for months & no one answered directly- can you elaborate a bit?

      :-)

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