Ex Boyfriend wants me to come over. Is it ever a good idea?

[Anonymous]

Last night he messaged me asking how I am & if I got his text a couple of weeks ago. He knows I did because I replied to him. I was a bit tipsy yesterday from free work drinks & we were texting back & forth. He wanted me to see him. For me to basically make all the effort & go to his flat and see his new place. He's working today, so would have to leave early morning & by the time I would have got to his, all that's left to do is sleep (with him).

I don't want that. To me he's not making an effort or taking things seriously. He's 33 soon & he never seems to take relationships seriously, but he needs someone to love on his terms. He said it took a lot to ask me to meet & he hasn't been looking for someone new.

I still like him, but not prepared to be used. I said if I go to yours, then what? As friends? What happens after? He says he'll cook me pizza. That doesn't answer the q. I didn't go & he said it would have been nice to see me. Maybe another time & he hopes he didn't piss me off.

He has contacted me a couple of times before, but it's always just a "hope you're well" sort of thing. Not asking to meet. Should I wait if he says he wants me back & makes an effort to make it work? We broke up because he said he knows his life is a mess & it's not fair on me. He stopped being online. Now he's lonely & wants to see me.

[btbc92]

9/10x it is just for sex. That is one of the main reasons why a old partner desires to go back to an ex. You knows his doesn't take things seriously. Being lonely is never a good reason to start back a relationship. He is unhealthy and needs to learn to be responsible for his choices as well as grow up. He can't do that if you allow him to use you emotionally as a crutch. In the end your just going to get hurt again.

[Asker]

Thanks. Yeah I definitely think you're right.

[carolann1920]

Its probable he cannot afford a hooker right now so he looking for someone like you to come over to bang his pork sausage into while telling you he should never have let you go. After he has given you his mandingo do come back and write another 360 word essay telling us how it went.

[Asker]

Well aren't you just hilarious. Thanks for the input 👍

[carolann1920]

My pleasure - any time.

[Asker]

Cheers 'super intelligent' carol Ann 😁

[mooky06]

You ask him to cut the bullshit and ask him what he exactly wants with you.

[Anonymous]

Sounding like the making of a friends with benefits idea brewing on his part. You said he doesn't take relationships seriously , and well his loneliness is self made.

[Asker]

Yeah I agree and won't be meeting him.

[truthbeknown]

He just wants some sex.

[Asker]

I agree. Not going to meet him..

[burlen]

How long did you date him before the breakup?

[Asker]

10 months

[burlen]

On that basis, refrain from responding to his calls and messages. His reason for breaking up with you sounds dodgy. Because his life is a mess and not fair on you? No way! That's reverse psychology he's playing on you.

He's likely not providing the true reason for breaking up with you.

You've rightly guessed, he wants sex and he probably knows you're vulnerable.

[Asker]

I'm not vulnerable now, and I'm definitely not going to meet him. He's never going to be a settling down type guy. He's not a 'player,' but he's also a bit of a loner in a sense, who just wants freedom and no responsibility.

[akadatank44]

He wants one last bang. Thats it. Dont go

[Asker]

Yeah that's what I'm thinking too

[akadatank44]

Hun I'm pretty damn sure. 99.99% sure lol