Why are guys so cold immediately after they break up with you?

My ex and I were together for a long time and are both in our thirties. I had no idea he was unhappy until one day we had an argument and I came home and all his stuff was gone... he told me when he broke up with me that he loved me more than he ever loved anyone & that what we had was beautiful, but he had made up his mind to leave...wtf? Anyway, I tried to cut contact, but eventually we kept contacting each other... I told him that if he didn't want to be with me then we shouldn't talk and he didn't want that & ket saying "no, let's keep contact." But the entire time he was being blowing hot and cold... then he just became really cold. The whole thing blew my mind because we were best friends before... he never would tell me the truth about why he really wanted to leave (even though I begged him) which makes it hard to have closure. It's like he loved me so much one day and the next, after he broke it off, instantly cold. Nobody had ever been like that to me and it hurt me more than any break up... does anyone know why ppl. do this? We had talked of marriage, so I thought he was really in love. Eventually, I had had it with the iciness, so we haven't talked anymore and he's fine with that . It still hurts because I've never loved anyone as much as him and for him to be great one day and the next a total stranger, I don't get it. I hate him and miss him at the same time. Also, I'm afraid to get into another relationship because of this. I'm a mess.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Some guys just don't know what they want. Maybe he was afraid he was getting to close to you.

    I know my ex was the same way as far as being really hot and then cold the next day. We were on and off about 5x... by that time I blocked him in every way I could, he eventually got ahold me and I told him I didn't want to deal with him anymore. He told me how much he missed me, but if he couldn't notice that when we were together, he didn't deserve me. You eventually just have to learn to move on, guys like that like to be in control and will tug you around. I know you loved him, but things will get better, you'll find someone who knows how to take care of you. Don't be afraid to move on with someone else, they might not be right, but they may help you get over him further and then move on, and eventually find the one who matters.

    Just accept some things don't work so better things can.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Often they are just putting up this cold exterior to hide how hurt they are. Of course, sometimes they have wanted to break up because the 'heat' is long gone, and they don't see th need to pretend otherwise...

    And many guys don't show emotions in general, we're usually brought up that way in US culture.



    Not me, I'm Italian!

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    • In my opinion, the heat was not gone, but you know guys... sorry, but the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. That doesn't mean you have to bail... I mean, all realtionships go through rough spots, I can't name one couple I know who doesn't have some issues, but they work through them. The deepest love comes after the honeymoon phase if you dumbasses would stick around. Honestly, I think that's immature and selfish. But yeah, maybe that's what it was.. I'll never truly know because he won't say.

    • A lot of people see too many movies, you're right, and want an eternal first date. Good riddance, no? Find someone who knows about eternity. I had to learn about eternity from Chinese women, actually, we are generally so shallow here in the US. Good luck to you, keep in touch, I get overwhelmed with all the 16 year olds on this site..

  • Despite all the comments I've seen that doesn't sound like the case at all, it looked like to me like he just wanted you to go out on a limb for him to show him how much you really wanted him. From what I read it just looked like he wasn't or didn't feel like he was getting enough attention, affection and etc.

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