Why do guys go cold after a break-up?

Question

KillerToffy · Accepted Answer

Men are kind of binary. stage A. stage B. stage C... no in between.
The good part is that it send very clear signals.
We are invested in a relationship. Then out.
For me it's not about resentment or grief, but more protecting yourself, and strangely avoid hurting the other more.
The worst thing you can do after a breakup is being friendly again. It's like not shutting the door completely.
Letting the other have hope where there's no future is cruel.

Now I guess some men are angry and are cold because they have been hurt and want to return the favor. If you want to know if a guy is cold because he is angry, just ask him.
If he says yes with words or body language, you can 'talk' and try to fix things.
If he's peaceful and says no anger, have no hope. He moved to stage B.
I quoted talk because you need to listen more than anything. At this point it's not about a debate or argument. It's about letting him express his feelings and shut down your inner voice that wants to be right. Acknowledge.

mattmanyah2 · Accepted Answer

I don't know about all guys but I'm looking for a wife. When I date I'm trying to achieve that goal I'm seeing if we fit together is she honest dose dose she love God etc. If we break up it's because that goal can't be achieved and the reason I started talking to her disappears so I talk to her less... I still talk to all my ex's on rare occasion. They can still call me if their car breaks down... I guess if a guy was chasing after sex the case would be the same after the break up why talk to her if there's no potential for (wanted) sex.

Anoniemus · Accepted Answer

To protect their feelings and emotions. It could be a defense mechanism.

Or they don't and end up like that joker on here who cried to his ex-girlfriend who broke up with him, being upset and angry at women when she coldly rejected him... lol.

SydneySentinel · Accepted Answer

Ice cold is smart. Keeps the breakup solid and makes you disregard any attempts to get back together !!

Finchie40 · Answer

Cuz a girl usually looks up to her man she looks at him for safety and protection to take care of her a guy wants to make his girl feel safe and protected and that he has her back , he loves her and cherished her , when she decides she doesn’t want to be with him anymore his ego is shattered he feels less of a man and hurting inside so he puts a wall up not to really show his emotions. So by being cold and angry is his defense from showing how he really feels especially if she left him for another guy , he will be really cold that

cute_short_nerd · Answer

Because they let you in, you become the soft spot, when it’s gone they close themselves off because the trust was broken. Something women these days don’t understand is that men have feelings too. You can’t just break someone’s heart and think that nothing would be wrong.

Hypnos0929 · Answer

I'll only speak for myself here:
I'm cold and moving away at a running after a breakup AND/OR rejection because I had 1 incredibly bad experience! To make it a short story;
I tried holding on. I tried to be hopeful and friendly that things would be better. I tried to make things better. Those were my mistakes.
I tried to be friends and it made the entire situation worse to the point she told me if I didn't stop talking to her, she'd call the cops. After that i felt devastated and had no one to talk to.
I truly believe it's better to deal with my issues/regrets/feelings alone than be in the presence of a loved one who makes me suffer.

BeMuse · Answer

For the same reason they were not in your life before you guys first met. They are living their own life and when you two aren’t together you aren’t part of it. Men aren’t Pokémon. Just because they Poké Poké you, doesn’t mean you get to keep them in your bag for life and pull them out when it’s convenient. Stop objectifying men.

wankiam · Answer

just for clarity, this is not gender related... women can go very cold too but also isn't that the point when you break up... go your separate ways and forget about each other... i know its not always the case but most times it is and its purely natural to do so

lightbulb27 · Answer

We go to our "nothing" box, or we cannot process our emotions, we just disconnect emotionally... if we were ever connected at all. For us... some portion of us like me... It's like you strike a gong... and there is a muffled sound like a thud... that's the feelings.

takes time to get feelings back in order.

Konabeana · Answer

What makes you think that? They hurt too, but it may not be as noticeable. People get this idea that guys lack emotional reaction after a break up but I disagree. Their feelings may not be obvious in their appearance but, just like any human and any gender, they hurt. Everyone processes their pain differently.

CaptainOverthink · Answer

Not all guys are like this but I think most are. Kudos to people that can be friends after a break-up, that's either very mature or could be a sign they may want you back.

For most guys though, any kind of contact with the ex is hurting them and not helping to move forward.

Levin · Answer

Women go cold, too.

And it's probably an ego/self protection thing. To reestablish the sense of self, a split is reinforced to fully distance yourself from that person. If you invest too much of yourself in something that isn't interested, then you're essentially losing a part of yourself in that thing. If that makes sense, which it probably doesn't.

DaTruth44 · Answer

Here is my opinion. Most of us men have truly loved our partners during the relationships and were destroyed when it ended. For most of us it takes a part of us with it. We are "cold" due to the fact we're not whole. We need to fix ourselves in order to be function properly.

BlueRosez · Answer

Men are just generally cold period from my limited experience.

Dongtai · Answer

I don’t think guys go cold. I think they move on. You can’t expect a guy to treat you the way he did before a breakup.

Going cold means being distant, closed off or out of touch right? That’s him moving on from the girl. It doesn’t make him a bad person. I think it’s mature.

PassionPlaya · Answer

My ex was quick to Throw Out, Distract, Fill Voids and Fill Other Things :/ , Take Pics Down, Damage, Forget or try, Hurtful and Hateful Words, PUSHED ME and Pushed Me Emotionally Away... I kept holding and held heart through sooo damn much... deeply she loves, but her heart and mind can't process properly , So Its COLD Treating :/

ronaldo75 · Answer

Because girls love to keep you around, tease and string you along after a break up until they find someone else, OR just to watch you suffer. If we broke up then you need to fuck off. Also many girls LOVE to have ex's as friends so they can get attention, quick sex and dates whenever theyre in a rut. Grow UP.

nelly83 · Answer

You only grow cold if you have been wronged or if you have been callously mistreated. A simple break up is not gonna turn you cold. In other words, “ growing cold” is the result of getting together for the wrong reasons. Chances are they were impulsive and rushed into the relationship due to lust or they knew that their partners are not good people but they still didn’t care

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Matter of opinion... I've got to have a better description of what cold means. More often than not I see the dude side of things struggling with any sort of grief from the loss, while I watch the females trist it out and flaunt like they planned it.

neonX · Answer

When a guy falls in love but not in physical attraction he single minded focused on her , most of the time it's unconsciously , when that breaks they are wounded and it's permanent.

They close their heart not to go through that again by what ever the case. They are more cautious and more on guard. Which in your term

Being cold.

kitty71 · Answer

Also anotehr question inside the question could be why men get distant and cold after they have sex? After they have sex with a lady who he was very attracted to and struggle so much to finally have sex ith her for years, cause the lady stall the guy for that for years (when they first met they did not have sex and everything was fine between them) . Once the sex happened the guy changedbecame distant and ghosted the lady he knew for years.

Strahd · Answer

I have had 3 deep personal relationships & they had all crashed & burned so this is my reason why. I had spent a good amount of emotional energy in each of them & they were all emotionally devastating to me. So a recovery time is needed to regroup & see if I ever wanted a new investment of that kind of capital.

The current one I am in. She can go or stay. I really don't care so much anymore.

joe_schmidt · Answer

You broke up, there's nothing left to discuss. Time to get your shit and get out and move on. Why would you expect them to be warm and fuzzy if you break up?

ariadneR · Answer

I dont think its necessarily a guy thing. I'm like that. I will shut off completely, and start looking after me. It's not to say that I never cared, or never loved my partner, it just means I need my energy and time to focus on me and better myself

Succubus_On_Lockdown · Answer

They need to move on, and talking to their once love, does not help

aaalhajri666 · Answer

Not cold but evaluating the situation wondering what gone wrong try to be ok with it and walk like nothing happened just to make you wonder if you are still close to my heart or I don't give a dn!
About nothing and confuse you more 🙂 it's just a defense mechanism a lot of still use

KrakenAttackin · Answer

We are mentally deleting the person from our mind and soul. When I break up with someone I tell them, "you will never see or hear from me again".

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Frankly, a large majority of both sexes go cold. After all, done is done. The mere ending is a cold act even if on mutual terms. I don’t reach out to any ex.

winterfox10 · Answer

Because staying friendly is too ambiguous and makes the relationship last longer than would be healthy.

Thatsamazing · Answer

Well... I mean, what do you expect us to do? Lol weird question.

dustierose · Answer

Cause his heart is alive , and it need to set zero after braking up and it will be hot again somewhere else

jaybee281 · Answer

What else is he supposed to do😂😂like if you guys broke up then that's it you're out of his life in his mind hopefully for good so he can move on

LoU_Hades · Answer

If you don't gain distance to your ex she will very likely brag with your addiction to her or she will misinterpret some things.

Laozi · Answer

There's a rich man who put all his money into a deal. But that deal doesn't go well and he goes bankrupt. So, he becomes a poor man. Now, do you understand where I'm going with this?

Jaysonava · Answer

Think about it! Why would they? Because they have just burnt a bridge. They have entered a new life trajectory, it is an adjustment if they built their lives around someone. This is very hard.

JayLiche · Answer

Same reason women cry and get emotional

a man getting angry is the same as a woman crying and getting emotional

we’re just wired that way, we aren’t the same, the only way we’re alike is the fact we’re human.

Truthatanycost · Answer

Because you no longer exist to us.

TonyBologna25 · Answer

Because we process emotions differently. We also realize that it’s best to distance yourself from an ex as they are no are no longer apart of their lives in that way.

akshay1998 · Answer

Girls every time have more options so if it doesn't work once we go cold not every one can be in a relationship like Ross of friends

genericname85 · Answer

cause that's how you protect your own emotions to cope.

abc3643 · Answer

0) Who's dumping who? 1) What do you mean by "go cold"? 2) What are you expecting they should do?

Ripper_E · Answer

because they are in pain Sometimes I get angry and lash out to avoid feeling hurt. Eventually we all have to deal with it.

user45663789 · Answer

Because she no longer plays a role in our lives after a break up. You don't want to be with us, so you don't get any part of us.

BeMinus · Answer

A complexity of reasons. Mostly, between the emotional anguish and maintaining outward appearances, one is susceptible to exhaustion.

Browneye57 · Answer

What, you thought you were still gonna be buddies? Uh, no, he has REAL buddies for that.

LEADFOOTboi · Answer

because i do... i don't wanna be friends, buddys or pals... she ruined our future... why? do womens not feel nothin?

pleasestopthis · Answer

Because they are hurt/angry and it helpes them keep their distance. There's no way you'd want an ex roaming around when you need to recover from a break up.

Luvme66 · Answer

personally i would say... I went cold because the girl lost all of her respect in my eyes... so I had to be that cold asshole who dont even look at her...

rosscore728 · Answer

One of two reasons 1) He's a heartless p. o. s. that don't have feelings 2) He's really hurting over you and that's the only way he can deal with the loss

mrdimples78 · Answer

I guess if u consider fucken ur sister "cold" then.. lmao

KiaTate · Answer

I think they become cold because they don't want to be put in a situation where another person could "hurt" them again.

hsshannah96 · Answer

Breakup? You mean they go cold during the entire relationship, more like.

SarahsSummer · Answer

They are inexperienced in life and unsure of the proper mature behavior.

whitehide · Answer

To keep their exes at a distance so their feelings won't control them.

blutwolfe · Answer

I don't know I don't, I break down after a break up, I could ask that of girls, but I think it's human emotion

Laprass · Answer

It is not just Boys the reason can be many maybe it was a bad break up, maybe it is a means to shield themself from pain or for falling for you again it can be many reasons

farhaan7 · Answer

They dont care about u they have set their mind they won't again try to be with u whatsoever. Or caring for u will harm them now and in future.

Miristheiss · Answer

I usually went contact and I did not not to see them again.

pervertedjester · Answer

We do a hard reboot after relationships. It takes a while.

B2281 · Answer

Cold to the person they broke up with is an easy answer. But as for why we go cold with friends? Well I can only speak for myself, & it's may not be because I want to be cold, but I just need some time to be alone & get everything back in order.

DiscomfortZone · Answer

Because we've got better things to do than making nice with worthless bitches. That's how you move on, unlike the obsessed weaklings whining here.

SushiCubed · Answer

Well, we need time to heal too, contrary to the stereotype, men feel just as bad and sometimes worse after a break up, it's better for us to kinda go away from the situation and just take it in and regather our thoughts and emotions

J2ohhhhh · Answer

It's basic physics when you release pressure it creates coldness.

Why do guys go cold after a break-up?

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Why are guys so cold immediately after they break up with you?

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Why are guys so cold immediately after they break up with you?

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