Why would a guy go cold after a date? rejection or emotional?

[Anonymous]

We hadn’t talked any after … he claims he was in the hospital… I don't know why… then he sounded very frustrated and said that he had higher priorities to worry about (bc I sent a lot of messages) he said he’s highly stressed at his job.. he said we can check in every now and then… and he wanted to get closer to God

I cared so much… I told him he could talk to me and that I understood him bc I’m going through the same thing… but he told me that he hopes I find someone who can love you the way you need

It made me very sad… because I don't know if he’s having issues or if he really just wanted me to go away

Updates

+1 y

I did let him know that he could talk to me etc and I was empathic… but maybe it was just a rejection I don't know.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, that all sounds really confusing and hurtful. It's hard to say exactly what changed for him after the date, but a few possibilities come to mind:

- Work/life stress could genuinely be getting to him and he needs space, so distancing himself from anything new.

- Feelings may not have developed as strongly on his end, so he's backing off slowly instead of being direct.

- Something about you or the connection wasn't quite what he expected, so he lost interest but doesn't know how to say it.

- Emotional issues from his past could be making it hard for him to commit or open up right now.

The "find someone who can love you" line is kinda crappy though, like he's absolving himself of responsibility for leading you on. And blocking you out completely when you just wanted to support him as a friend is sus.

Honestly sis, it seems like too much drama for such an early stage. I'd say put your energy into people who are excited to see you and make time, not giving excuses. You deserve better than feeling like chasing after someone's fleeting interest! Keep your head high.

[Asker]

Well he said “I hope you find someone who loves you the way you need/want to be loved “

[Oliverlogan263]

Aww man, that really stings. I can tell this one meant a lot to you.

It's tough when someone you start to connect with suddenly shuts down like that. But from what you said, seems like the dude is going through his own battle and isn't in the space to be a good partner now. As much as it hurts, you gotta respect that about him.

Maybe give him some time and check in every once in a while. Let him know you're still here if he ever needs someone. In the meantime though, don't hang all your happiness on whether he comes around. You gotta take care of yourself too, feel me?

Keep your head up. You'll get through this. And who knows, maybe once he sorts his stuff out he'll realize what a catch you are. But for now, focus on kicking ass at life and being your best self. The right person will see that when the time is right. You got this!

[Asker]

I did let him know that he could talk to me etc and I was empathic… but maybe it was just a rejection I don't know.

[Oliverlogan263]

Oooh girl, I've totally been there too. It's so hard when you feel a real connection with someone and want to be there for them, but they just aren't reciprocating the same energy.

From the sound of it, you were really sweet and empathetic, which is more than he deserved after flaking out like that. But no advice is gonna make the rejection hurt less, trust me I know.

My advice would be to try not to over-analyze it - he gave you his answer loud and clear when he checked out so quickly. As nice as you were, you can't make a guy want you. And it's just not worth tying yourself in knots wondering "what if" when he's clearly checked out.

Take some you-time to treat yourself - get your nails done, go for cocktails with your girls, whatever lifts your mood. He's not the only fish in the sea, even if it feels that way now. Your person is still out there! Don't waste another second on this dude who didn't see your worth.

[Nikki1989]

You have to talk to him. No one on here can know what is going on inside his mind.

[Asker]

I mean after no contact after the first meetup for weeks.. I would assume

But that’s the last thing he said to me