Why does ex keep putting the ball in my court?

[Anonymous]

He dumped me/treated me terribly about a month ago for someone else when I only wanted to have casual sex with him/be friendly (we broke up for real a year ago and were together 3 years).

Now every time he talks to me he keeps asking me to contact him and won't really contact me unless I make the first move. Is he just being lazy and seeing if I'll give him attention with little effort? Or is he afraid and testing the waters? He apologized, is nice and caring, says he misses me, asked me to stop by to pick up something, etc. We have only talked a few times in 2 weeks but he keeps asking me to call him later, etc. I didn't bother last night because I don't want the possibility of drama.

Is he trying to get me back? Be friends? Take it slow? Confused...

[rdr005]

Short version... he's being a d*ck.

Long version:

He could be what you stated... lazy and making you do all the work. It could be possible that he just wants to keep you bogged down and guessing as far as the two of you, to keep you form moving on and from moving passed him. Many guys tend to break up and see to it that if they're not happy,their ex won't be happy either. When he says call him later, just say nah... you call me. And if he says, "why?" then you could say, "I wonder the same thing when you tell me to call," or "Just because. Good night." And leave it at that. I'd vouch to say that you should just be friends. If you're gonna be in a relationship for just casual sex... It probably won't go far, and it probably won't be a very happy relationship. What if the sex goes bad or he gets "bored" of it with you? He'll move on again. If you want to give him a chance, then sure, do so, but make him do the initiating. And tell him straight forward, "you said you missed me, but you don't take the effort to call me, I always have to do it. Why don't you live up to your words for a change and take the effort to show me you miss me."

[Asker]

Haha I love the short version! He did mention he has been depressed so your theory might be correct! I prefer to just ignore his statements and let him call, that's what he did to me for a month so that's what he deserves. He does contact me, but he never used to act catious and make me talk to him. I'm playing it cool to see what he really feels. The casual sex/hanging out was mearly selfish at the time when I was upset and now that I'm not I don't want to hear his crap.

[l-hedoniste]

Whatever he's attempting, he's doing it badly, and he needs to spend some time fixing himself. Play it very cool for a while.

DO NOT get back together with him at this point. Why? It sends the message that he no longer has work to do--clearly incorrect.

[Asker]

Thanks, and very true. I don't get it either but he's sending lots of mixed msgs that I should stay away from. I'm not doing the work after what he did!