The very first thing I want to say (or write) is that I too am from a Hindo family, and have lived in India for a lot of my life, so I understand the social pressure firsthand.
Regardless...
I think it is about respect. I do not assume to know everything about relationships, but from what I know about people in general, I think that he has a sense of duty toward his family and responsibilities because it is instilled in him since birth since he is a male. But men in India are not put under pressure by society to not cheat. If it happens, especially in an orthodox family, the family of the wife will not support her even if she decides to divorce him, and he knows it. Since there is no ultimatum there, he has the assurance that you cannot, or will not, leave him, and therefore thinks he can do as he pleases.
It is one thing if he cheats once and apologises to never do it again, but another thing completely if he apologises and then does it again, and then again. The latter situation shows that he has not afforded either you or your relationship with much, if any, esteem and respect.
I think that this connects in a huge way to women's role in India, and how they are expected to contain their feelings and thoughts about any disrespect toward them, especially if it comes from a central male in their life, like their father or husband (and in some cases, the brother as well). I think that going through the same hurt and indignity again and again is giving up your life for something that is not even for you. In today's world, a relationship tends to be, ideally, for both people in it. It is not always like that though.
I want to end by saying that while this is my evaluation and opinion, I understand the social pressure and stigma on women in India, combined with the financial instability that many such women would fact if they got a divorce. This is why the question here is something only you can answer for yourself: would you rather stay in a relationship with a man who cheats on you and give up your life for him, or would you rather break off and face social stigma from your friends, family and any people that you may meet? It is a damning choice. But it is yours.
If you are having sex you would have to wear a condom always and he needs std testing all time plus these maybe the more serious people you know about who knows if he has more random people he’s slept with. His behavior besides being emotionally scarring to you could potentially hurt you physically.
Honestly it might mean walking away away from him and maybe your family if they don’t understand you can’t take The cheating. I know that’s a big deal but he could literally make you sick.
Cab you imagine living 40+ more years with a man who will have woman after woman. It’s like a living hell.
And then when he gets old and sick he’ll expect you to take care of him because that’s your obligation.
And if you get sick he won’t be home taking care of you he’ll be out having sex with another woman.
Sometimes women men have to save themselves if no one else will throw the life raft.
I see many replies where the husband is attacked. Yes, of course he cheated, but attacking the husband doesn't solve the issue.
Let's put the facts straight:
- Husband cheated 3-4 times and wife found out.
- Husband is takes responsibilities and does everything for family.
- Divorce is a very complicated matter due to culture and religion. We can think about that as bullshit, but it's a thing which needs to be taken into consideration. We can't just look at it with a western vision.
So the wife acknowledges that there are also many good sides of this man. He does everything for family and he is responsible. She is not completely unhappy with him, in fact, it seems that the only issue is the cheating, for the rest, he is a good man.
Divorce is not a realistic option, and it seems that the wife won't consider this, even though she thought about it. It will make her life complicated, and also her relationship with the rest of the family.
So the issue is: how to get the husband stop cheating? It's important to talk. You can blame him he cheated, but it's needed to know the reason. Did he cheated because he just got the opportunity and grabbed it? Just for excitement? Just sex and not love? Or did he cheated because he is missing something in his relation? Is he missing sex, or intimacy, or doesn't he feel valued? To be clear, I'm not justifying his cheating, he knew what he was doing when he cheated, he knew it was bad and he should take his responsibility for that. But it's needed to find out the reason why this has happened, and why it is reoccurring. It shouldn't be about blaming and punishing, and cheating doesn't necessarily mean the end of a relationship or marriage. Even though he cheated, most likely he still loves his wife. But there is a lack of trust now and he needs to regain that trust, and he needs to be given the opportunity to work on that, to show that he can be trusted. And perhaps there are also things on which you should work on together, as a couple.
I think cheating is much more common than most people think. Everybody thinks it's not going to happen to them for one reason or other, but the truth is that when you trust someone (as you should when you're in a relationship), then you risk their cheating behind your back. They may do it, and there isn't much you can do about it. Now, given your situation, I'd say it's rather complicated. The way I see it, you can either separate from him and try to start on your own, but if he's the one that provides, this may be difficult, or just stay with him and tolerate it, which fucking sucks, but happens when you don't have other options. If you thought about divorce, I'm guessing you can make it on your own (?) If your family would rather you stay and be miserable than respect yourself and leave the one who is hurting you, they are not worth it, and you shouldn't even think about the impact this is going to cause on them. If you can make it on your own, I say leave without a second thought. He's not going to change, and you can build a much better life by yourself
Opinion
53Opinion
Yes, cheating is an absolute huge betrayal.
Unfortunately, cheaters tend to be people with very little to no self control and don't usually stop, especially if they know it will be tolerated and forgiven. Ideally, the best thing you could do is leave, but I admittedly don't know much about your culture. Unfortunately, this will not stop and will only continue if you don't leave, though. He doesn't seem to care at all about your feelings and seems to only be acting on his desire to have sex with other women.
Cheating should NEVER happen, never mind being important in a relationship.
I know there are reasons stopping you from leaving but you need to think about yourself. You deserve so much more than that. You are worthy and if he doesn't see that, then its time to think about yourself and put you first.
I hope you're okay and I'm sorry your husband is such a cheating prick.
Also, saying sorry and then doing it again and again - he ain't sorry for shit. He knows he can get away with it, so he will keep at it. Pack his bags and change the locks.
Yes it's important in a relationship, if by relationship you mean breaking up with that person. Forever.
To me you do it once and you no longer exist.
I'm also Hindu and I know how difficult a divorce would be and given that you have kids it's gonna be tougher as I'm assuming you can't survive on your own.
The solution though is divorce. You have to realise that you guys obviously aren't happy together and a family I know just recently went through the same thing. It was hard, society never helps but if you have your family with you and you have good friends you'll get through this.
To answer this question simply then, you have to first answer why wives cheat, and they do, I know from experience.
Why then does your husband cheat on you, you let him, you failed because you give him the permission to do it.
If you know that he's cheated and your taking him back and he isn't truly sorry for what he's done and isn't totally straight that he's never going to do it again then why are you allowing him to continue to hurt you this way.
I'm sorry but this is on you.
Your question then is based on a false premise that all husbands cheat and by extension all wives are the victim of said behaviour when that is patently clear it's far more nuanced and never the case that all husbands cheat and all wives the victim, most men I know have never cheated on their wives, most divorced men I know cheated after finding out their wives had cheated first.
Hey go back to the other question we were talking
I can so much relate your answer with the relationship I was in before.
I loved a girl A, A said she too loved me.
We worked at the same organisation, but were placed at different locations.
A common male friend of ours B, was always with her as they worked on the same floor.
Fast forward 2 years their friendship bloomed. A and B.
A started taking empathy towards B more than she did with me.
Infact she started choosing B over me on many occasions.
I slowly started distancing myself from A emotionally foreseeing the wound I was about to get. Was broken inside but never talked about it to A.
She started feeling the distance between us,
But times healed that, and then it didn't make a difference to A
I started seeing love for B in A's eyes, and vice versa too.
We were still seeing each other, Me and A.
But now were more of a formal couple , who fought more and laughed less together.
I presume both were still formally friends or were they more? Don't know.
A fine day came, when I was invited to one of our female friends' Cs house to give her company, we both were alone. Me and C.
A knew this.
We were just talking while I poured some honey in a glass of milk with almonds, some of the honey was still on my fingers.
C caught hold of my fingers and suck them. The way they do in porn.
I drifted so fast that I never knew what happened next.
I kissed C, and she kissed me back.
But I left that there and ran back home.
After a month A confronted me about what happened back at C's house.
And she pulled the trigger of our relationship.
C too sided with A.
And I left the group of friends cause I felt cheated.
Fast forward 3 months.
A and I were now just friends.
And she then asks me she thought B had feelings for her.
I stopped and I said I knew that half a year before. And left A, never to return again.
I was in deep pain,
A month after saw that B and A were in a relationship.
I was like seriously? I knew this right from start. But y did I want chose to stay so long?
To this day it the memories give me grief.
What was my fault?
Hey your on still
In india very few people can take a conplicated step as divorce, keeping the surrounding condition in mind, you can't always take a divorce.
But still what you can do to is
1. I am assuming, yours is an arranged marriage, probably you should start developing some attaction or love among yourselves.
2. Second thing which you can do is try to do new things for your husband that excites him. Try and being back the spark.
3. You can plan a vacation together, plan fun activities, go for clubbing , or just simply go and eat out on weekends.
4. If the above things fail, then you must talk to your husband about that, ask him the reason behind this behaviour
If anything doesn't work, i am aftraid that the only option you will be left with is divorce. But first, try hard to actually win him.
Hope it helps.!
If he keeps on cheating on you, then you probably shouldn't stay with him if you value loyalty in a relationship. Even if he does so much for the family, you two are married so he shouldn't be going around with other women because its not like you two are casually dating (where thats what was agreed upon).
I do get that you aren't allowed to because of your culture, but if you are not happy then surely you do what you think it right?
I don't know though, I'm not religious. Do what you think is best :)
My dad cheated on my mum from the minute they got married she had the same mindset. If you don't have kids that's even better because my brother and I were caught in the middle and it got pretty violent. I get it's hard to distance yourself right now but you need to break away from this typical indian suppression. My mum was subjected to it I was but I fought it. Sure I respect the fact the culture is thousands of years old but its very misogynistic. You're above the feeble opinion of some backwards thinking idiots who can't respect the females role in society
No cheating isn't "important" in a relationship. Except that it shows there's something **wrong** in the relationship that caused the husband or wife to seek affection from someone else.
That's why people, if they genuinely loved one another originally, cheat. They are not getting "fulfilled" in the relationship they have & thus seek to compensate with someone else.
The thing is, maybe not in Hindu culture, but in general culture when someone cheats most people say that's it... finished... pack your bags & get lost. It may be a cultural thing for you but by allowing him back into the household as if he's done nothing wrong simply tells him he can cheat. There's no consequences so why shouldn't he cheat?
Women cheat all the time at rates that dwarf what men are generally capable of. If they're not sleeping around there emotionally cheating at getting affection from another man in their life. I can't really blame women for this though, it's not a choice most of them made; it is an idea that has been beaten into then by their peers, markers, and social movements for generations. We have a culture where women can't be held accountable for their actions, and because of a complete lack of personal responsibility, they act out in an effort to find a breaking point that just isn't there anymore.
Men cheat for the same reason that anyone cheats, they're selfish assholes that lack a certain level of empathy and tend to be more sociopathic and or psychopathic than what what was once seen as normal. These people instinctively understand that preselection bias exists and they use others as a means to improving their status.
Nope. It is not an option in any relationship. Only an asshole do such thing. But the more guilty party is you. Because of your forgiveness he cheat everytime. And to hell with religion. Who gives fuck about that. Law is with you. And if you've have any self esteem you must leave him. Doesn't matter if your family and friends are with you or not. There are various NGO's and institutions that are ready to help you. Just be confident and don't give fuck about what others think. You deserve a haapy life. So, work for it.
Sounds miserable. I hate when culture interferes with your love life. You are the only one that has to deal with them forever. I myself am against divorce but I hate when the freedom of choice is stripped away, marriage shouldn’t feel like a prison sentence. Your culture is probably against what I’m about to advice, and you might not want to do it. I say give him a taste of his own medicine. He is comfortable he feels he can never lose you. At the right time when he is jealous and ready to scorn you, tell him how your feeling right now is how I feel every time you cheat.
Honestly, I'd let my girlfriend sleep with another guy every now and then as long as it wasn't behind my back. I'm not a jealous person and I don't think I'd cheat unless the woman I cheated with was a 10. Ladies, would you put out for Ryan Gosling or Chris Hemsworth, even if it meant cheating, given the opportunity? Most likely Yes. I can't say I wouldn't find myself in a similar situation. We are all animals, I respect people's decisions, but I would let the person I love her her fix if I was lacking. I think if anything it would build more trust.
He is missing something in the relationship. And that is not your fault. He cheats, because he can get away with it. His sorry has no meaning apart from giving him another chance to do it again.
In a healthy relationship, partners do not cheat on eachother. Cheating usually means the END.
It’s important in the sense that if it happens, you should probably leave the relationship. Especially, as you said, that he’s cheated multiple times and keeps doing it. He’s not really sorry if he keeps doing it again. You deserve better.
1) Guys want sex from multiple females. This is normal and natural per evolutionary biology.
2) The term "cheating" is erroneous and stupid, and no one should use it.
Everyone had the right to create sexual boundaries. Cheating can be defined many ways but the principle still remains (for myself and many others who prefer monogamy) and that is this: I do not and will not share. Ever.
Hypothetically, if a guy doesn’t like that then that or if he wants to sleep with others, then that is perfectly fine, but I won’t have him in my bed or in my life.
@kim45456 Shut the fuck up, cunt
@Thotkiana Girl bye. Get a hobby.
Then why are you still with him obviously you must not care if he does it or not that makes no sense to me why a woman would shut down and let a man do her that way obviously he's not into you anymore he's just getting his cake and eating it too and you allowing it
Man has insatiable desire, wants new body to have sex and very often forgets the other woman as soon as he finds another body. It is somewhat common especially in South Asian countries where wives are taught not to show that they enjoy sex. In other words, most of them have to remain silent, submissive, without any adventure, and that man desires some kink, either from his wife, if not gets, he goes to some other woman.
That's really sad!
Dude that was way back long, but there are woman rights now she can file case and there is 98% chance that she will win it, cheating is cheating a characterless man or a woman cheat there partners
@Aakash_Hangargi
What a woman should or could do, is another aspect.
Ofcourse I agree with you that women are with held not even have desires of sexuality, but there even if that a man has no right to sow his seeds somewhere else he is also prohibited from that nk matter how much he desires but the fact being people do what they want to do you cannot control them beyond a point so you have to let them go
@Aakash_Hangargi
Absolutely correct. My original comments relate to "why" man cheats. Nothing to contradict you that he "should not" do so.
Why would 'anyone' cheat? I mean just leave your fkn partner and do whatever shit you Want.. Just don't put your partner through the shit!
Thank you
Exactly my point be Blunt if you ain't interested anymore life goes on anyways
@Aakash_Hangargi
I agree.
If he needs to get something somewhere else, its because he isn't getting it at home. Empty his balls every day, any way that he wants it. Swallow, take it in the ass, whatever. Just don't let him leave the house if his balls haven't been emptied in the previous 12 hours. And DON'T nag him about anything. Some guys will cheat just to be with a women who isn't bitching about something.
Cook, clean, keep his ball drained, and he won't cheat anymore.
Exactly. To the point and very truthful. Women can't understand how this is so simple. Yet they gripe about it and are completely blind... I was going to write the same thing.. u beat me to it...
He cheats , says sorry and u forgive. the cycle continues. he must be misleading other women as well. he is misleading u as well. Are u financially strong. if not , try to be financially strong then I might be able to make any decision. Whatever decision u make , it has to be ur decision. Do not base your decision on the popular saying what people will say.
umm no
ALL HUMANS have a thing called boundaries.
if a person you with can't respect that than what the point of being miserable.
so not it not right and there never an excuse.
Traditionally divorce was not even a thing in Hinduism, as far as I'm aware. But if I'm not wrong it is legal now. I'm pretty sure your societal barrier is more than legal barrier. Try consulting a lawyer.
"Why do husband's cheat?" You're generalizing. Don't. *
Cheating is not essential in relationships or anything else.
No. Cheating is unacceptable in a relationship. You ALWAYS have the option to leave. You just also may be losing your entire support system. Being completely alone is better than that emotional abuse.
Talk to him. Communication is everything in a marriage. He’s missing something you’re not providing. If you two love each other stay. It’s your life to live. On your death bed do you want to feel like you lived for you or someone else?
Usually she lied about her sexual enthusiasm prior to marriage by acting like she is into it, then once they get married her true colors come out and the sex stops. The few times she "wants" sex it's just a chore to her, she clearly doesn't want it.
You'd cheat too if your spouse repeatedly made you feel unwanted and made sex feel like a chore.
He does it over and over because he knows he can get away with it, you say divorce isn't a option due to your heritage... so I'll pose this it's not something I believe in but maybe it's time for you to cheat as well and make sure he knows about it
Do you still love him? If yes, then try to understand why he cheats. He may still love you, but suffer from a sex addiction, or just a need to have different sexual experiences. Men are not monogam by nature. And even intelligent men are at times controlled by their d***
He’s a piece of shit divorce his ass , I don’t care what religion you believe in that’s abuse , you deserve better then that , divorce him
Maybe you'll take his cheating seriously when its with you sister or friend. Never let a cheater know that you're forgiving. He probably gets off to the thought of cheating on you. you're stupid af
If you want to leave him it's your choice your family won't support you have to take the stand one day they might understand because of the preconditioning they might not support in the beginning but if they love you they will make your choice
If you say that you come from India and belong to hindu family.
You must already know how bad cheaters are viewed. And how they will be avoided everywhere.
You missing something here.
Good point
If cheating only got the price of saying sorry, no wonder that he keeps doing it. You have taught him that it's really cheap.
Hell no, It gets tempting, perhaps he does it to ignite and understand how much he loves you over again
But damn is cheating not meant to be in a relationship
No, no , no. NOTHING is ok in a relationship if you're not om with it, its not about whats ok, its about what you want, make sure you compremise with you partner no matter what you do
I think men cheat because the neglect what they already have. The idiom a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush applies here very well.
Where are you located? If in the US then you can divorce rape his ass and take his money and make a living of it. You seem to suffer from the syndrome of caring what others think of you.
If someone cheats they don't deserve to be in a relationship, it's disrespectful and selfish behavior.
I’d disown my family if they didn’t support me, and divorce his ass. That’s no marriage.
You should also cheat and see how he feels about it
You could have a guy friends with benefits if he cheats again. Just make it an open relationship.
Bro just leave he clearly doesn't have values or isn't man enough to just tell you he doesn't want to be with you. I get the values thing but like when it comes to marriage that's your thing.
The same reason why wives cheat. Selfishness! My ex-wife cheated on me three times that I know of. So it's not just husbands and horrible men who do this.
Cheating is an important way to show that you do not value your SO or your relationship.
of course there's other options. there always is, being hindu or not.
Why do wives cheat? This a circular question. Regardless, if they cheat once they will cheat again. I never give cheats a second chance.
Cheating is not good for a relationship and if he keeps do it you might have to put the hammer down and let him know it is not okay and how it hurts you, and that is of you can lot leave him
You shouldn't put up with that. I don't really believe in divorce either, but there are cases where it is justified and this is one of them.
You can’t come back from it. Once a cheater, always a cheater, is sadly true. The sex is secondary. If your partner is that disloyal, you can’t make it better. Sorry.
An anonymous coward wants help?
Just go back to your hindu marriage
She's telling you that her husband is cheating on her. Of course she's anonymous. Show some respect, man
Cheating is a huge red flag it tells me he doesn't love nor accept you just the way u r.
Cheating is important so you know when to leave them
He cheats because he wants to and suffers no consequences for it.
Drop him. And if your family and friends don't support your decision then drop them too. I hate people like that.
Because you are a female cuck who stay with a whore husband. Dont you have a little self respect? Just fucking leave that bastard. And there also many wifes who cheat. It has nothing to do with gender
Wait you can't divorce? Then cheat on him and make him taste his own medicine
Cheating is bad, so bad.
But we need to admit that one woman isn't enough for a man.
I can say that from what I see, yet cheating is sooo wrong
Ur ex is a wander. . My ex cheated there is nothing worse
Its important to not do. Otherwise ur with a scumbag
Divorce that's it. I'm an Indian. But I would definitely give divorce.
Honestly as long as he treats you and the family good otherwise id just ignore it if i was you.
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