Back in to spending time with my ex boyfriend? please help!

[Anonymous]

this is a little long, but I reeeeally need some advice!

So, I've had an on and off (off once) relationship with my ex boyfriend for about 7 years. Long story short, our break up was rough and slightly dragged out.

Now (after about 3 months) we are starting to spend time together again. When we are together, we have a great time. its as if nothing has changed and he acts like we are right back in to it, but he says he wants to take things slow. When we aren't in one another's presence, he doesn't even really talk to me. We live a mile away from each other, so it would be extremely easy to see each other every day, but we have stopped ourselves from getting in to that swing.

when we have seen each other, we spend just about the whole day together, but then its almost as if it never happened because we don't talk for another couple days.

He has also told me that he wants to spend time with me, but that I should be the one asking him to do things because he doesn't want to lead me on to jumping in to a relationship again... so I have been asking him to do things much more than he does to me, but sometimes I feel weird about putting myself out there so much.

he has also said that there are mistakes that we both made that need to blow over before we can get back in to it, and if we started a relationship up so fast again, he would regret it.

so I need some advice.

what do you think is jumping in to a relationship too fast again? I'm trying real hard to gage this because its so fun to hang out with him, and even though almost every time I ask if he wants to hang out, he wants to, I don't want him to feel pushed. how often should I ask him to do things?

[superuss]

I don't think ether one of you are ready for this. You need to deal with these insecurities first. If this guy was seeing another girl while you were still technically together, that shows a great deal of immaturity on his part. The fact you were fighting does not excuse his actions.

I really think you should either see a therapist about your insecurities, or at the very least look into some self help books. You need to do this for yourself, but if you ex needs convincing that you are working on overcoming your problems, seeing a therapist would be the way to do it.

[themastaplan]

the best part about asking someone something especially when asking to do something is that they have options.

if he didn't want to hang out, or couldnt, he would tell you no- ask as often as you feel comfortable with

id just recommend taking things SLOWER than normal, since you've been in a past relationship.

watch out for your feelings, take is even mroe slower as far as hooking up goes - the more you hook up the more you'll get those feelings back and leave yourself open to be even more hurt if things fail...

good luck!

[Vasillilaw]

What exactly happened with you two that you broke up?

[Asker]

its such a long story, but basically, I was hurting his feelings a lot because of my own insecurities. I got depressed and pushed him away too much so he finally gave up on our relationship. he started seeing someone else while our break up was being dragged out. I thought we were going to work things out and was completely in the dark about him spending time with another girl. after I found out, he ended things with her because he said she was a distraction.

[Vasillilaw]

idk how often you should ask him to hang out, but you should definitely make sure that you guys have changed and matured before you get back together. otherwise the same thing might happen again. good luck! (: