How soon after the end of a relationship is it okay to tell people that I'm seeing someone new?

[kaylaS91]

I was with my ex for several years so understandably, my coworkers/friends all met him and know we were together. Due to circumstances involving drugs, among other things, I am no longer with him for over 3 months. It was a slowburn (pun intended) so... I can now see that I had become increasingly emotionally detached for much longer beforehand.

I'm dating someone new and it being summer and all, I'd love to have friends over for drinks/game nights and whatever. IT's probably relevant to mention that I haven't told anyone but family and 2 friends that things with my ex are over as it was more than enough to deal with without people asking questions and bringing it up around the clock.

Keeping that in mind, I was wondering how long after the end of a lt relationship do people typically wait until they become open about being with someone new?

[MeghanL]

They do as soon as they feel comfortable doing so.

I think the bigger question would be how soon after a relationship ends do you start a new one. Which depends on the person, of course. My point is that too soon it's probably a rebound, which aren't known for long-term success.

[kaylaS91]

yeah fair enough. My previous relationship officially ended mid April but it had been in steady decline for a good year, if not longer. So.. I surprised even myself with how quickly I was able to walk away and not be overly devastated.
Moreso by the years of lies and deception versus the breakup itself.

[MeghanL]

Ugh. Dealing with all that. A break-up was probably a huge relief.

After that allow time to heal, & enjoy life being yourself. When the time is right for a new one you'll know.

[bobalife]

Do what you feel comfortable and ready! Real friends shouldn’t judge but be supportive of your happiness if he makes you happy and treats you right! There’s no true time frame, but whatever makes you feel comfortable.

[ZackBan]

Your life your choice. You could date 3 people and introduce them to your friends individually and good friends wouldn't even snitch on you.

Not to mention 3 months is already plenty of refresh time so there is absolutely no shame in seeing someone new

[ohshee]

I don't think there's any time frame but I think when I would do is not tell anybody that people find out when they find out it's not that big of a deal in the long run it's better that way that way you have more time with him and you get to know him

[havingfun101]

Guys, she always has a backup boyfriend and she won't mourn you, like you will her... don't commit.

[kaylaS91]

He didn't commit. He chose to start snorting heroin/fentanyl, or whatever he could get his hands on while lying straight to my face instead.

[havingfun101]

He got one thing right! I'm sorry you're black.

[kaylaS91]

lol ok troll. run along

[havingfun101]

U: I like bad boys
Also U: he hurt me
[Tells you 100 jokes in a row while dancing like the wind]

[mechp]

so sorry to hear about your breakup, Kudos to you for finding someone new. There's never a right time, you just need to do it. The earlier the better, that's because if you delay you're unnecessarily putting your new relationship in jeopardy.
I'd suggest you do that ASAP

[kaylaS91]

Thanks and.. yeah I’ll just have to meet up with friends first to let them know that things with my ex are done. Basically all my free time is spent with my new guy for now so I guess I’m not too pressed to let people know anymore. He’s super understanding of the situation I’m in but I actually just got back from the bar with new guy and one of the few friends who’s aware of my ex so.. baby steps. 👌🏻

[mechp]

Yup definitely do that, baby steps all the way it's for the best.

Just don't think too much about it. You've moved on and started a new chapter so look forward to enjoying that :D

[TommyMountainFigure]

I see no reason to wait. If you are in a new relationship, it must mean you are over him. That should be time enough.

[kaylaS91]

Yeah of course. I’m more concerned about avoiding doing it so soon that people would be a bit suspicious or something? Thinking I’m jumping from one guy to the next, yknow?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Your friends all know about the drug situation? I think they will just be pleased you are away from your ex.

[kaylaS91]

Nope- that’s a huge reason why I didn’t tell anyone outside family/2-3 close friends. I don’t think the drug thing is my business to tell, nor do I want to risk irritating him.🥺

[TommyMountainFigure]

I think I understand now. The real problem isn't how long you've waited as far as your friends go.. it's him that worries you?

[kaylaS91]

Yeah. I mean he’s already showed up at my place several times, begging to reconcile despite me firmly telling him no and asking him not to contact me. I also don’t want to make the details too public as the cleaner/quicker the break, the better.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Understood. If he still feels a lot for you, and it' clear he does I don't think he's going to accept it however long you wait. The thing is. you probably need to invite him round so that he hears it from you and not finds out from other people.. if he is still into drugs trust me. he could turn nasty. At least if it is just you and him it'll be easier for him to digest. Just make sure you tell hi in a very public place.. not at home where it is just you and him.

[SuhRaw]

You actually don't have to tell anyone. Do you. The problem is that we keep people in our business and don't keep things to ourselves. Instead of telling people our business we should show them our business.

[kaylaS91]

By ‘telling people’ I don’t mean it literally. More like.. if I were to have friends/coworkers over for drinks, I’d love to have my boyfriend join us too.

[SuhRaw]

So let them see what you got going on and then they will wonder about who you're with and what y'all got going on. Invite him over as well as those friends and coworkers and then they'll see without you telling them therefore they will wonder what you got going on with him.

[exitseven]

If you were not married to him why not do it next Saturday. Maybe wait a couple of months if you were married.

[kaylaS91]

We did get married… I was informed of his drug habits and spiraling literally a week after and it’s been n/c since then. Counting down the days till a divorce order can be granted 😖

[exitseven]

Wow, I'm sorry for that. You should just wait until you are ready. It could be days or months. It depends on you. You sound like you are anxious to get on with your life.

[kaylaS91]

What makes you think I’m ‘anxious to get on’ with my life?

[exitseven]

I guess because you said you are counting the days until the divorce order is granted.

[kaylaS91]

Oh haha no I just meant that to emphasize how I’m truly done with him. The counting is literal as in Canada, you can’t get a divorce granted until a year has passed since the ‘intent to separate’
(I’m far less anxious now than I was with my ex tbh)

[exitseven]

oh, okay. I'm sorry if I said something stupid.

[kaylaS91]

Nono not at all!

[exitseven]

😊😊😊😊

[BoobMan]

If you don't do it right away, at least start spreading more widely the news that your ex is an ex. It will make it easier to mention the new dude when you're ready.

[NathanSG15]

Who cares what others think. As long as your happy, and don’t hide a good relationship that you could possibly find next or are currently in.

[MannMitAntworten]

Whenever you want. It was your relationship to end. Not their’s.

[KrakenAttackin]

You are only concerned about this because you were cheating on the ex with the new guy.

[kaylaS91]

If I’d cheated, I wouldn’t give two fucks about my ex or what people think but thanks for passing by any way!

[innerman]

The moment your able to watch porn and not think about the person you broke up with

[krin_m]

Whatever you are comfortable with.

[kaylaS91]

I'd probably be comfortable next weekend. I guess I'm mostly worried about friends coming over and being not only introduced to my new man, but also finding out that the last relationship has been over for a while by now, y'know?
(plus how to orchestrate that.. sounds like an awkward position for the guy I'm with to be put in 😣)

[krin_m]

@kaylaS91, makes sense! Good luck!

[princeofromance]

3 Months