My ex called me a stalker?

[Anonymous]

So... my ex broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. I acted desperate and begged him on the day of the breakup, but I didn't contact him for about a month. I sent several texts after that, he replied to some but ignored most of them.

Then he texted me out of nowhere that he wanted to see me again. I knew I needed to act cool but I became all desperate again.

After seeing him, I became desperate and made so many mistakes. I showed up at his place and gave him a letter. Letter basically said how I was selfish for pushing my happiness on him, but still wanted to see him before he leaves.

I also messaged his sister and friends for advise.

And now he called me what I'm doing is what stalkers do...

When I last saw him a week ago, he said I could visit him in August. (We'll be in a long distance)

But now, I don't know... He left without even saying goodbye to me.

He's ignoring me now and I won't contact him for a while.

I plan to contact him in the end of July about me visiting my friends in his area and see if he still wanted me to stop by at his place for a few days.

Bad idea? Should I just move on? Will he forgive me about me acting like a stalker?

Updates

+1 y

p.s. I don't know how to set my age range, but I am in my early 20s.

[ryanrhino]

Are you focusing on what makes you happy? He should not be on that list, as he's not making you happy. The memory of you and him is what makes you happy, and is that healthy?

Try to understand where he's coming from, WITHOUT asking anyone. You dated him, talked with him about the relationship issues - you need to understand why he wants space.

Partners are meant to enhance our lives, not define them. He is defining your happiness right now, isn't he?

What are things you wanted to do, but couldn't because you wanted to make him happy? You should be focusing on what makes you happy, even when you're dating.

[Asker]

Thank you for your straight comment. Yes he is defining my happiness right now... He doesn't want a long distance and doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. And I know he wanted to sleep around with girls.

Maybe after he's done playing around, he'll come back... but he called me a stalker and I'm just not sure if he'll ever forgive me.

[ryanrhino]

Well, he should not be the one making you happy. And, if he wants to be intimate with other women, are you OK with that if he comes back? Don't worry about him - worry about you. You can't control him, you can only control yourself. You want him, but I would recommend unblocking your opennes to all of the stimuli from other men around you. You'd be surprised how many great guys there are out there wanting a gal who'd give them attention. If you forgive yourself, that's all that matters.

[Lindsers318]

The guy sounds like a jerk. Even if you did act desperate, he should cut you some slack...heartache will make anyone act out of character. From one girl to another, I say the more you contact him, the more he thinks he has you wrapped around his finger. So when you go visit your friends in his area, do JUST that...have a great time with them and don't tell this guy you're there. If he finds out and realizes you didn't tell him, maybe he'll realize what he's missing. MAYBE. Don't hold your breath. Just do what makes you happy.

[Asker]

He said he understands I was acting out of emotion though... But I don't know... The thing is I really want to visit him! lol I know I'm stupid

[Lindsers318]

You're for sure not stupid...you're human. Just seems like he's taking advantage of you, and you never want to let that happen! I say make him chase you a little, but that's just my opinion.

[Asker]

Thank you. Yes he's definitely taking advantage of me, knowing he can have me anytime. I just don't know how I can make him chase me...

[Lindsers318]

I'm going through a similar situation. My ex would call and say he missed me, but then not call...and then when he did call again, I'd answer, and I believe I started making him feel like he had me in his pocket. So when I was finally fed up, I ignored him twice, and he hasn't tried in a week. I say if he doesn't chase you or, like in my case, gives up after only a few tries, then he's not worth your time!

[drummerdude25]

I couldn't agree more! :D