Why would my ex’s new girlfriend of a month follow me on tik tok then lurk on my page for two days when she knows how badly he hurt me?

[Shumu]

my toxic ex of 1 year with narcissistic tendencies broke up with me four months ago bc he accused me of something I didn’t do over a FaceTime call and blocked me and left. The next morning he asked to be friends and when I said no bc I wanted to be together, he got angry and bashed me and blocked me again. Two months later he started dating a girl I had known about previously. My ex and his cousin had only spoke negative of her and made fun of her. My ex had cussed her out to her face and behind her back saying nasty mean and derogatory things to her because she is bisexual.

when I found out it was her, I was so upset and confused on top of the fact he made me question my reality and memory over what he accused me of that I didn’t do. He hadn’t tried to reach out since the breakup and every time I’d try to get clarity or answers he’d make me sound like I was a crazy stalker that wouldn’t leave him alone. I was heartbroken and this situation has been so hard on me. Fast forward, they’ve been together a month now and she’s very social media heavy and always posts their relationship and makes it look so cute and happy. Him and I posted eachother but nothing like this and when I first saw it it just seemed nothing like him.

A week ago, I saw he viewed my tik tok profile. I deleted my Instagram and he knows tik tok tells u who views ur profile. This is the only breadcrumb he’s given me since the breakup. Then a few days ago the girlfriend followed me on tik tok and lurked for a couple days. She knows exactly how we broke up and what happened and knows how badly he hurt me. He claims he wanted to be left alone and then this happens. There was absolutely no reason for her to follow me considering she posts and posts about the relationship all the time. If she’s “happy” and “secure” in her relationship why would she go out of her way to follow me on tik tok knowing we ended badly and them wanting to be left alone? I don’t know any girl who’d follow their bfs ex?

[Anonymous]

Well it’s obvious she probably knew he checked your page and she knows it’s weird. Sure she heard from you, but doesn’t mean she’s unsure what he’s going to do next just as he messed with you. He may be messing with her head now too. I think you just need to let it go and so you don’t need to wonder anymore because he really fucked up your emotions and mentally which isn’t cool. Reading this literally reminds me of my ex.. and it’s making me realized he was kinda manipulative by doing the same to dodge us when we called them out and making us feel stupid/crazy when they can’t take accountability/ responsibility of their poor action/behavior. We both deserve better.

[Shumu]

I did also assume that. I thought it’s definitely possible that he’s messing with her head. He does push and pull too which could be happening. I know I’ve been a topic of convo more than once and who knows what he could have said to make her feel bad or insecure but it’s definitely possible because there was absolutely no reason for her to follow me considering the fact that she knew exactly what happened. I don’t think she knew about him going on my page because he was never the type to give social media logins and there’d be no way she would know he looked at my page bc im the only one who gets the notification he went on it. That’s the only reason. Also he’s so prideful and he ended things so ugly with me and hurt me so much that I know he’d never do that by accident especially since he’s been with her. I know she’s a rebound and she’s nothing like me.

I don’t mean it to bash her but she’s nothing like me. He had in the past cussed her out and said nasty things to her for being bisexual. She obviously knows this. Don’t know how she thinks he’s her Prince Charming but she has chosen to ignore that and ignore the fact as to how we broke up in the first place so that’s her choice. That’s why I was so irritated that she followed me because if they were happy and good and secure.. they wouldn’t have done that at all.. especially so soon after everything. What do u think?

[Anonymous]

I will go anon for this one. They are rubbing salt in your wound. He is going with it because he knows it will hurt you and she is showing you HE IS HERS. He may have had her on his mind when he broke up with you. Not sure. I do know though you are better off without him. Block them both ASAP!!! Toxicity here. My huggggs to you!!!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks! x

[Anonymous]

Because your ex goes after insecure girls because they're easy to manipulate.

He probably got so used to doing it to you that he got lazy with this one and now she's looking into his past because so far as she can tell, there's something a little off.

[Shumu]

I do agree with you. Like I mentioned before too.. she knows why we broke up. She had asked me herself why we broke up and it was straight forward and I only told her about the last time. She knew how hurt I was and how difficult I was handling it. The convo ended and that was that. Him and I do not have contact. Obviously her and I are not friends. I have Instagram deleted. There was absolutely no reason for her to look me up or search me on tik tok to follow me. I don’t know what he could have told her or done to have her want to do that because I don’t post on tik tok. I have a few videos and they’re of my animals.

If you’re happy/secure/content in your relationship, why on earth would you follow your bfs ex so blatantly? What’s the point when they both wanted to be “left alone”…his words. I also don’t know why he bread crumbed me by viewing my profile a week before she followed me becuase he hadn’t done anything of the sort at all since the breakup and then all of a sudden he decided to. It made me confused and then once she followed me, it made me want to understand why a girl would do that? To me logically all it says is desperate, insecure, fearful? Idk…bottom line I think something must have happened or something went wrong in order for her to do this but I don't know what do you think?

[Opinion Owner]

I think its not even worth thinking about. Right now you're still in recovery be cause you just spent however long your relationship was thinking about this guy.

She could have been doing it for literally any reason. We can sit here and talk about what the most likely reason is but we'd only be speculating and doing so off weak assumptions. There is no material value to be gained from thinking about this so deeply.

Eventually, you might learn more about their relationship as it develops. And maybe that will give you more of the closure I think you're looking for.

[Shumu]

I agree. We can’t know 100% sure the main reason but I guess I wanted validation about my thoughts. The thought that if she was happy and secure she’d never go follow her bfs ex. She had to go out of her way to do it and she knew how badly he hurt me and that him and I are not on good terms at all. We have no contact. There was no reason for her to do this and if she is claiming she’s so happy…that screams the opposite to me. Even if you’re jealous or insecure you wouldn’t do it because it’s embarrassing to do that. Am I wrong?

[Opinion Owner]

You're right, I think it says more about the girl than your ex.

It sounds like this is one of those girls who just likes spying on people. When I was a kid I remember noticing a lot of the relatively quiet girls liked doing stuff like that.

Spying offers a feeling of emotional protection. What people fear is the unknown and it looks like she doesn't know who this guy is and she probably thinks looking at you might give her answers.

If what she finds makes her uncomfortable, I probably don't need to tell you not to be surprised if she lashes out.

[Provingdatruth]

What are you doing on TikTok? That app was created by China.

[Anonymous]

I'd say that her actions of adding you don't necessarily match up with how it is portrayed on the internet. She is probably not "secure and happy" based on following you on tiktok. She probably wants to monitor your pages in case you say something about her or her boyfriend etc.

[Shumu]

I do agree. I know social media is fake and especially people like herself who care about it a lot don’t portray or say the real stuff that goes on. I know it’s fake. But I agree but I just kind of wanted to be validated because anyone I know who is happy and secure in their relationship she wouldn’t have done that. I don’t post at all on my social media either so there’s nothing to keep tabs on.

I am not a heavy social media person I rarely post. She obviously saw that. My ex knows he hurt me and he lied about me. I know He knows it. I was a very good woman to him and he lied and accused me of something I didn’t do and just left to downgrade to a girl who’s absolutely nothing like me. I say downgrade because of her lifestyle and what she does and the person she is. I know my ex wouldn’t go lurk on my page by accident either bc I know him. Then her following me was even more confirmation to me that something was wrong. She is also a rebound. They started their relationship super quick (less than two weeks) and started posting very odd and over the top stuff that didn’t seem like him at all and felt off. That was in less than two weeks. I’m sure she’s hooked in because she’s the type to only focus on the relationship she’s in at the moment and obsess over the guy on social media which is very weird to me. If you’re happy and enjoying your relationship you’re not going to do that in less than two weeks. Then a month later you’re not going to go follow ur bfs ex there’s just no way.

[Flower7]

Block both of them so they can’t see your page anymore. Don’t worry about their reasons.

[Shumu]

They’re don’t have access to my tik tok anymore. I guess I am really wanting to understand why becuase after everything that happened in our relationship.. there was no logical reason for her to do this. I would never do this.. it doesn’t matter how insecure or jealous…idk any girl who’d do that bc it’s not a win for either of us? She knew what happened and how we broke up. I think I’m wanting to know a good reason as to why

[sheikalana]

She's obsessed with you and stalking you.

[Shumu]

The thing is…my ex wanted to be “left alone” and he always would say that when he was pissed off. He had hurt me so bad and I know he knows he lied and did something wrong he just hasn’t cared to take accountability. God only knows what he said to her to make her feel insecure or uneasy but I’m sure he did.

He knows I never wronged him or hurt him and that’s what I was irritated because he’s been so cruel and cold to me since the breakup I know he didn’t go look at my page by accident. And then when she followed me, I was very confused and irritated because she claimed to just be so “happy” which literally makes no sense. Anyone who follows their bfs ex doesn’t scream “I’m happy.” She knows how hard and badly he hurt me and him and I have no contact. I don’t post on my tik tok either. There’s nothing to keep tabs on. I also know my ex enough to know he’d most likely get upset if he knew she did that bc it makes them both look bad. She fronts and posts and posts she’s so happy but I know she’s done this also in her past relationship and I know social media is stupid and fake at the end of the day also.

If she was actually happy and secure in her relationship would she have done that at all?

[sheikalana]

My dear I'd love to help you but I do not have the time to read everything that you just wrote. Could you shorten it a bit? Sorry.

[Shumu]

He knows I never wronged him or hurt him and that’s why I was irritated because he’s been so cruel and cold to me since the breakup I know he didn’t go look at my page by accident. And then when she followed me, I was very confused and irritated because she claimed to just be so “happy” which literally makes no sense. Anyone who follows their bfs ex doesn’t scream “I’m happy.” She knows how hard and badly he hurt me and him and I have no contact. I don’t post on my tik tok either. There’s nothing to keep tabs on. I also know my ex enough to know he’d most likely get upset if he knew she did that bc it makes them both look bad. She fronts and posts and posts she’s so happy but I know she’s done this also in her past relationship and I know social media is stupid and fake at the end of the day also. What do u think?

[Anonymous]

I have to wonder why the hell are you on TikTok for one thing and second why can't you block both of them?

[Shumu]

Wdym why am I on tik tok? I have a tik tok account? She had to have looked me up or searched me somehow. We don’t have any mutuals. They’re blocked. I just don’t understand why she did this and I want to understand a reason. She knows exactly why we broke up and what happened and how hurt I was and still am. Him and I haven’t had any contact. There was absolutely no reason for her to text me. I don’t understand why she would do that if she claims to be so happy and secure. It makes no sense

[Wise4myage]

She sounds very insecure to me.

[Shumu]

If she was actually happy and secure in her relationship would she have ever done that?

[Wise4myage]

Probably not.

[Shumu]

I also say that bc I know he knows he hurt me.. he just never took accountability for what happened and for him lying. He just wanted to blame me. He just ended things very ugly. He knows he did something wrong and hurt me. Then a week ago when he went to go look at profile I know him enough to know he’d never do that by accident. I didn’t do anything about it after but it was the only bread crumb he gave me and he obviously is with her.

I also know him well enough to know if he knew she followed me he’d get upset because it makes them look bad. I think any person would agree that following ur bfs ex is not a win in any way that’s why it was so confusing. This happened too after she posting and posting that she was happy and they were having so much fun. If that’s the case and ur so happy and fulfilled and secure why r u going out of ur way following me on the only social media platform I have and I never post. It’s so weird to me. I don't know about you, but if you were happy and secure and content with ur partner would u go and follow ur bfs ex?

[Kelly6]

to understand why you both breakup.

[Shumu]

But she knew why. She had asked me herself two weeks prior what happened between the two of us and why we broke up. She asked me and I was straight forward and told her why and she seemed to understand. She knew I was hurt and still hurt. Me and my ex have no contact with eachother. We haven’t spoken and he was always adamant he wanted to be left alone but then he goes to look at my profile two weeks later and then a week after that she followed me. If she was so happy why would she do this in the first place

[Engin12]

I dont know. Why do you think?