My boyfriend broke up last week on my birthday, after a 4-year relationship, what to do?

[Anonymous]

On my bday, my boyfriend broke up with me saying he has immediately lost feelings for me. We have been in a relationship for 4 years, now he wants to get rid of me, he says he asked his family and consulted them to do this, his family used to like me but we had a fight on my bday eve due to which, he got furious and he said that since long these arguments have been taking over his mental peace, i have been restrictive and dominating in his life which is why after breakup he feels free. he is not ready to hear me out and he is like he wishes to be separate. i wish to fix things, i am ready to change things he has issues with but he says it is late. what should i do? how should i win him back? i was thinking of "no-contact" rule, he has not blocked me off anywhere, he views my stories and is maintaining streaks too (which is at 640) but not talking. what should be my strategy to win him back and make him believe that i have changed, because we have been in love purely, only since last 10 days we had a few repetitive arguments, prior to that our relationship has been way strong. he says he feels no emotion for me and i should move on without waiting up for him in the future. what do i do to fix this mess up?

[PrettyPriya]

If you are having these arguments, is it worth getting back together? My best suggestion if you want to try to salvage the relationship is to give him time and space.

Perhaps after a period of time, you can then reach out to him with a positive message and see what comes back. Nagging and messaging him now is likely not a good idea nor solution.

[Asker]

our families were completely supportive of dating, we promised to settle together and then marry. this happened so suddenly, he says i have never efforted for him. he is acting very cold and i have been pleading him to hear me. what exactly i do to win him back?

[PrettyPriya]

I really think the only solution right now is to give some time and space for things to calm. Then, you can approach when he has calmed down and you both have a level head about it.

I think jumping at him right now will just push him farther away. I could be wrong but that is my guess. If you must, reach out and be the bigger person and apologize to him. State the reasons why you think this won't happen again and what he means to you.

I'd put it all in a note or email and make sure it is positive and comes from the heart. Don't place blame or bring up things that aren't necessary to get your point across and STAY POSITIVE in the message.

[Asker]

Yes i tried it, i tried explaining, being positive, assuring positivity. but he is not ready to listen, he claims he felt suppressed lately and does not love me anymore. i asked when did this happen, he said i have been feeling this for 10 days, that i don't feel our connect to be the same. and he says he is not willing to talk to me or hear me out on any explanations or apologies, he says sorries do not fix things etc.

[PrettyPriya]

That's tough. Also, that is where the time and space come in. He obviously has no interest right now in listening. So, give it time. If he still doesn't, there is no magic trick to make him want you back. Sorry to say it but there isn't.

[TommyMountainFigure]

He is in the 'relief it's over' stage at the moment. Give him time, without putting pressure on him to appreciate what exactly he has lost. There is a chance he will realise things aren't as great as he thought they would be without you. If so then you have a chance.
What i suggest you don't do is anything drastic. That means, don't block him, but don't contact him either.

[Asker]

u mean, stories streaks, i should not do anything?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Let me ask you this. How is he ever going to know what his life will be like without you unless you show him..
Honestly? You have more chance of him coming back if he has to go cold turkey than if you make contact in any way shape or form. If you set a cut off date but obviously not say when that date is. If he doesn't contact you by then. Accept it is over.

[TommyMountainFigure]

By the way, I hope you have a better birthday next year!

[Asker]

thank you

[Alyssa_11]

I was going to suggest no contact rule. Even not posting anything on your story for you to see. Your absence will drive him crazy and running back.

[Alyssa_11]

For him to see*

[Asker]

ah okay

[Mofunfour20]

You can't fix it if you're not a peaceful person. Wish him the best and work to be an agent of peace and not chaos. Most men would rather be single than in a chaotic relationship, the world is chaotic enough

[Asker]

i did not restrict him, i just used to ask him when is he free. we scarcely called as he has a hectic schedule. so i used to ask him 1-2 day prior that can we call tomorrow or day after? things were pretty good we just got into a misunderstanding on my bday eve, and on my bday he came up with this decision saying he is thinking about it since long. I don't know what to do

[Mofunfour20]

You dont know what to do because you can't accept his choice. ACCEPT IT, he has moved on. It's not worth the deterioration of your mental health. Stop fighting it and move on

[Wise4myage]

Focus on the future, and make sure you block his sorry ass.