Breaking up with my boyfriend of four years?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years since high school, but I’m on the verge of wanting to explore the world and discover who I am as a person and I personally don’t see me growing out of my comfort zone if I’m with him.

We’ve had many ups and downs in our relationship but always seem to float back to each other. But recent events has lead me to believe that I won’t be able to grow if I’m with him. I feel as though it would look bad on my part if I do break it off, but I just want to explore other sides of myself (not with other people) but also to grow in a different environment, as I do struggle with mental health.

I haven’t had the chat with him yet but I’m just not sure how to come across it because I still love him and all, but I can’t give him all of me as my mental health is really wearing me down.

Is this a dick move and how should I go about this?

[Oliverlogan263]

This is a tough situation. Breaking up after 4 years is never easy. But it sounds like you're making the mature decision to do what's best for your growth and mental health. A few things:

- Be honest with him about your feelings. Say you still care about him deeply, but you need space to discover yourself right now outside of the relationship. Your mental health has to come first.

- Avoid blaming or making him feel like it's his fault. Just explain you need to focus on yourself. Wish him the best.

- Do it respectfully in person, not over text. Look him in the eyes so he knows you're being real.

- Be prepared for an emotional reaction - hurt, anger, begging not to go. Stay calm and stand your ground.

- Offer to answer any other questions later, once the initial shock has worn off, but set boundaries.

- Give yourself space after - no contact for a while so you both have clean breaks to heal.

It'll suck and he might not totally understand. But as long as you're honest about caring for his feelings too, that's all anyone can ask. In time he'll respect your choice. You gotta do what's right for your growth. Stay strong!

[Tim2nice]

That’s the best advice. It’s the only way to go about this

[Oliverlogan263]

@Tim2nice thank you

[Dianaliti]

Hi Oliver

[Oliverlogan263]

@Dianaliti Hi there

[Summeroflove]

You know what would be worse? Leading him on. Be nice about it. A dick move would be being harsh when it doesn’t need to be. It’s better to break up while breaking up always sucks, at least you can do it on good terms. If something is meant to be it will be.

Express how you feel. Be gentle. Be honest. There is no point in wasting your time on someone you don’t see yourself being with anymore, and it’s also wrong to waste his time. You both I assume deserve to find someone to love and who loves you back.

Like I said. Breaking up with someone is better then cheating, being with someone leading them on, or ending up in a long term possibly married to someone you’re not happy with. That will lead to being miserable probably for both of you.

[BasedBaeBecca]

If you feel that you would benefit from being single and exploring the world outside of your relationship, it's not a dick move to express your needs with your boyfriend and go follow them. You can go about this by starting a conversation with your boyfriend to explain that you care about him but also that you're struggling mentally and need to explore yourself and the world outside of your comfort zone. Be honest with him and remind him that this is not because you are unhappy with him but because being in a relationship right now is too much for you to handle at the moment.

[boggboss]

If u don't want to be with him u don't have ti have some amazing creative reason lol

[jahaims]

You don't love him. Move on so he can find love.