POLL: Who initiates getting back together more; men or women?

[DermalPunch]

Men (it's harder for men to find new 😽 than it is for women to find new 🍆)

Women (it's easier for us to put aside our pride and ask to try again)

It's about equal and depends on the situation

[LDN924853]

I find women seem to but men more often entertain it. Guys see it as a nice little relive mostly but dont wanna go down the rabbit hole and waste time as theyve already seen the end. Personally I've had a lot of women try but i am very "done is done" so its a hard no.

[DermalPunch]

I am like you. I am starting to lean towards it being individual dependent. I think men are more amenable to giving it another shot while a woman is usually to fearful of getting hurt agin since we can't compartmentalize emptions like men can.

[Jackblue]

I don't know, but women get more attention so they have more bargaining power.

[DermalPunch]

I think for the lure but not for getting the real goods that men will offer to a woman they trust and are serious about protecting.

[Jackblue]

maybe

[zeitgeist057]

Men have deeper feelings, and are more prone to initiate action. Women don't really care as deeply and move on easily from those they supposedly "loved". For women, it's more about what is convenient and important to them, which is why they tend to cry more and get upset, but that's really not about how much they care for the other person, it's more about how much they want their own needs met and their own suffering.

Even if a woman does want to get back together with an ex, they tend to lack initiative and courage to take the steps. Then eventually another man will approach them, and they will forget about the ex.

Studies have shown that in long term couples, if the woman dies first, the man will usually die fairly soon after he loses his love, out of sorrow. If the man dies first, the woman moves on and finds happiness in someone or something else, forgetting about or not dwelling on the loss of her former life partner.

Men Are 30% More Likely to Die After Losing Their Wife, but Women Remain Unaffected

[Moose304]

You brought up a topic I have taken notice of for years. I honestly think a female can move on past a husband's death better than a man can when his wife dies. Understand I am not saying she can do so easily. I watched my mother crying at my father's gravesite many times. It's just that it seems a woman can manage the after better!

[Rohan-Thanekar]

I guess men always have to work exta hard on getting what they wants. While most women can get the same thing just by pointing a finger on someone

[DermalPunch]

That's certainly the perception.

[Rohan-Thanekar]

Ya 😇

[Tjw78]

I think it usually depends more on age. Younger women tend to try to get back together more than young men, and older men tend to try to get back together more than older women.

[DermalPunch]

This is a very valid observation.

[TheSpicyWench]

In my experience it's men. I've done it once, I've had around 5 guys attempt it with me.

[Moose304]

I think men can be more vindictive. However, I have noticed that females tend to be more vicious!

[Tjw78]

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Men.
Women can discard there feelings quickly as needed. They sooner abandon their feelings for a person than doing lots of things, then including initiating getting back together. E. g women will discard their feelings toward a guy if he doesn’t approach her, even though she made no effort to initiate anything herself. We see it all the time. It’s a constant on here.

[DermalPunch]

No, we can push through utter despair and wear a smile in our face while crunbling unside while men cannot. Shitting off emotions is absolutely more a male ability.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

I didn't say "shut off" emotions, I said discard. Men are better at shutting them off as in suppressing them, in order to maintain composure. Women on the other hand are better *specifically* at discarding emotions. They get over people much quicker and choose to do that much more readily, as I described in my example -- many choose to abandon interest rather than initiate.

[DermalPunch]

As a woman, you are incorrect sir. We just incorporate them into our being and use them as fuel for other things. We do not discard them. We are able to rode the waves of them better. It's literally what makes us women.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

So all those women who just drop it if a man doesn't initiate don't exist? And all the women we see saying that or anything like it are just full of shit, is that it?

[DermalPunch]

They're just acting tough. It's a front.

[DermalPunch]

Men discard women far more than women discard men. Men easily objectify women and put them into a categories of utility. This one for sex even sometimes down to a particular sex act. This one to complain to. This one to boost their social status. This other one to simply look at.

Women will do this but for more survival-based things like money, transportation or a place to live. Men do do this are not men.

Women will always be more vulnerable with men. Even just physically. So when we are or feel harmed we are distancing because we don't feel safe anymore.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

And all the data about women getting over relationships much faster? Also a trick?

[DermalPunch]

Now you are talking about something else. Getting over relationships quicker it depends. At first you were talking about discarding feelings. Two different things.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

No, at its core it’s the same thing, the same psychological mechanisms at work. My use of discarding does imply more of a choice but I mean it more broadly than that. Whether by choice or reflex (and I would argue that the choices are made reflexively) women will be free of their attachment more easily — however you want to phrase it. Whether that’s abandoning interest rather than initiating or whether it’s abandoning the lingering feelings from a relationship. It’s the same evolutionary behavioral adaptation. How these things manifest across different women or how intensely they’re exhibited across different will vary, but fundamentally the core mechanisms are the same.

[DermalPunch]

I can abandon interest and still have a strong emotional attachment. I physically hold back from acting upon that attachment. So again, I disagree.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

I'm not making that distinction. By "abandon interest" I do intend to mean that the emotional attachment is severed, or at least a resolution is made to sever the attachment -- and making the decision in itself goes a long way to reaching that end. Men by contrast, in general, don't do this. Men either accept that it's not going to happen or aren't interested, they don't abandon their interest in a person willfully.

[DermalPunch]

Right and what I am saying is that I am personally going through abandoning interest but I still absolutely have an emotional attachment so they are not one in the same. I am speaking as a woman.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

I am stipulating that they are the same. If you want to talk about different things then choose different terms and stipulate to their meaning, otherwise we're just talking past each other.

[DermalPunch]

And I am saying they are not. So thanks for weighing in.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

This is not a point of argument, it is a *stipulation* of terms for the purposes of communication. It is not an argumentative assertion. So when you say "they are not" that doesn't meant anything because you haven't stipulated to the definition of the terms in contention -- I literally cannot know what you are trying to say because the words you use need to be clearly defined, that step in an argument is called stipulation. I have already laid the use of these particular terms, so when you reuse them in a way other that what I've stipulated them to be it's effectively just gibberish. If you want to amend a stipulation then we can do that but it still involved defining terms. So again, can you please define terms if you're going to take this seriously.

[DermalPunch]

Ok thanks.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Why are you being rude? You seemed like a reasonable person mere hours ago.

[Chthou95]

Men. Women know they can find a new partner anytime. Men dont have options and also they feel they might not be able to attract anyone else

[DiegoO]

Women's, when they are the one dumped; or when things stop going like the "view it".

[msc545]

Men, definitely. And usually stupidly.

[DermalPunch]

I think returning to exes is usually a bad idea because neither party does the work required to have a healthy relationship.

[msc545]

agreed.

[Account]

Based on my own personal experience, men.

[Nagatoro]

Men do. My ex did it like 3-4 times.

[Iron_Man]

It’s about even

[jimmy2]

Mostly women