My boyfriend broke up with me when I brought up issues in our relationship instead of fixing them. Why and how can I get over this?

[Anonymous]

I loved my boyfriend so much, but when I brought up that I felt we weren’t getting closer, instead of fixing it he broke up with me. I was willing to try and fix it, I was simply bringing it up because I was feeling isolated. However, he went MIA for a week after and didn’t offer to change or anything. He said he felt he did a lot. Then he invited me for lunch one day & broke up with me on the spot.

I’m so heartbroken. I’m extremely shy so it’s so hard for me to even bring up things in the first place. But I was so shocked that he would just break up.

He’s a very introverted, “alpha” type male so I don’t know if I offended him or what. He didn’t change or get flowers or anything or offer to see me more. He just broke up, and used the same reasons I did. I’m so heartbroken every day. My friend found him on hinge a month after. What a POS. I don’t get it & was he just looking for a way out? This was his first relationship and he was usually a pretty self involved guy. We dated for a year. Thanks.

[lightbulb27]

I'm sorry for your suffering here, that has to be a shock.

Your statement "introverted alpha male"... I've never heard that one. To me, he sounds like a sensitive, shy guy who is uncomforatable with intimacy. As such, you just asked him to lift 10,000 lbs over his head and he thought about all that fear and shame... and ran as fast as he could.

This has nothing to do with you, don't personalize it. This guy is not capable of being intimate and vulnerable. It's scary to him. He can be hard nosed I'm sure, but not vulnerable. He's been trained since a boy to be this way and will take a lot of work to chip through that ice block of a heart.

very frustrating I'm sure. He's still looking and he won't find. He will run into the same problem...

I think you get over this by realizing what you had, possibly where you went wrong and accepting... he wasn't ready, you didn't handle it well... and it blew up. That sucks. But he may be like this for a long time, you want to work that hard? Even the best in the world at times, when they face something out of their league, won't try it. You can though, in hindsight... as you process and figure out how to do this better and work through it, can apply that to the future.

he may not be gone, just run away. It's up to you if you try to pull him back, but has to be done recognizing... he has a serious challenge that you cannot force! And you were clear... you needed that. so you'd both need a lot of work, possibly therapist help, or serious study and introspection and communication.

[Asker]

Best answer on here. Thank you for answering this and understanding the situation❤️This was a big help and I definitely feel more at peace. This was a great description of his potential behavior. I appreciate it a lot and will try to move on and not force someone again. Thanks a ton!!

[lightbulb27]

you're welcome! to be fair, I needed a lot of help and my wife had to do a lot of work with me to get me moved along. we're all works in emotional progress, everyone is different with different challenges and needs.

[caring__1]

It's interesting how people believe they'll get a positive result from criticizing. It has never and will never work. If you want to influence change, identify what you appreciate, not what you don't like. Even after the breakup, you feel calling him names will somehow fix things. If you want a healthy relationship, never accuse, blame, criticize or tell others what they should or shouldn't do. Before saying or doing anything, ask yourself whether you'd appreciate, not just tolerate, being on the receiving end of what you wish to dish out. You didn't like him using your complaints as excuses to leave the relationship, so consider your impact on others rather than just view it as an entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Him being on hinge does not make him a pos. He is no longer with you so he is free to do whatever. I also don't feel it was his responsibility to make you feel less isolated. We as humans have to stop putting our issues and problems onto other people. We have to learn to be independent so we don't have to rely on others to make us happy

[LazerBean]

Be more careful about who you let control your emotions, then you will stop having this problem.

[boggboss]

Sounds like he didn't have a issue and when u brought it up he either didn't care or thought it was a piss take and ended things

[Anonymous]

It's really hard to know what to make of this because what you described happening could have gone down in many different ways.