Is my coworker a serial cheater or sincere? Should I be worried I'll be next?

[SomewhereElse]

I've been working in the same company for 3 years, but transferred to another location about a year ago. I got close with one of my new coworkers (Tom) . Initially just as friends, but he was flirty from the beginning. After 4 months, I found out he's married. He never mentioned his wife and spoke of weekend plans / activities in terms of "I" and not "we".

Anyway. I was surprised, but shrugged it off as "flirting for fun" on his end. He continued to flirt, but it was never inappropriate. Complimenting my character, looks, bringing me coffee and snacks etc. Acting jealous if I talked about going on a date. Messaging me while we are on vacation, sending some pictures of a nice sunset or food. I didn't think it left friend territory too much.

Recently, Tom went to a company training for 2 weeks at the location I used to work at. He met my former boss there, Jane, who I used to be quite friendly with. Soon after Tom arrived there, she messaged me that he talked a lot about me, thought I was very good at my job etc. I was happy to hear from her, but after a while, she started to ask about Tom, if he seemed like he was alright, which I found strange. She also asked me not to tell him anything.

Today she told me that they had an affair during the training course. It started with a drunken kiss. He told her he'd leave his wife for her and move to be with her, but they had a fight and he decided to work on his marriage instead. I was so shocked when she told me. I would not have expected it of him at all. He asked her not to say anything to me, and it makes me wonder why. Jane and I were friendly, but not that close, so I don't see why she would have told me.

Now I wonder, was he ever serious about Jane at all? Did he just strike at the first opportunity? How, if at all, do I feature in this? Should I be concerned that he'll try his luck with me next? I like this job and company and don't want to involve myself with any drama, yet here I am! Any advice would be welcome.

[DannyUk2017]

It is a serial Cheater, as the thing is YOU NEVER GAVE IN! So he passed himself on to your ex boss, who she gave HERSELF IN QUITE FAST!, so yeah he is a serial Cheater!

[SomewhereElse]

Thank you, that's a good point. And yes, I have no interest in being involved with cheating. Have been the "other woman" once already, I didn't know the man was already in a relationship, he lied that he was single and I felt so awful when I found out he wasn't! I guess the jury is pretty unanimous on the serial cheater here, I trust if all of you see it so clearly, it is probably the case.

[Guy13]

Tom, if I understand this correctly, is a married body counter? Is that right?

[SomewhereElse]

Yes, that's correct. My gut instinct & what I've heard makes me think he does this at whatever opportunity presents itself but prior to hearing this story, I never would have believed it.

[Guy13]

Watch it with the wife... people are crazy these days. Never know whose going to have a gun... One day he's going to mess up and when that spouse finds out all of those people, along with Tom, are going to be in a lawyer mess... if she was a very vindictive woman

[SomewhereElse]

it's quite difficult to get hold of a gun here thankfully! I still worry I'll get dragged into this any further than I already have been. Wish Jane had never told me... I just want to work there and have a drama free time at work (and in life in general).

[Guy13]

I hear ya... People can be difficult !!

[Wise4myage]

Sure seems like it, plus he's married. So stay away from him.

[SomewhereElse]

thanks for your opinion! That's also what I think (serial cheater). I have no intention of getting any more involved in this drama than I already am! Just trying to make sense of it I guess.

[Wise4myage]

You're welcome.

[In_Trance]

WTF does it matter what a co worker does? Why would this be a worry?

[SomewhereElse]

thank you, actually you are right! No reason for me to worry about my coworkers and their questionable morals :) Thanks! I guess I get too caught up in the drama sometimes.

[In_Trance]

Good luck