How do you break up with someone you are in love with?

Question

ConspiracyTheorist · Accepted Answer

Why would you break up with someone you are in love with?
Well nevermind that question I guess because I was with a woman that I loved more then life for over 20 years and I must say that about 7 or 8 years ago when I noticed that I might lose her is when I realized that I loved her more then anything on this planet and that I had to do whatever I could to keep her and i failed... but then I had as I seen it won her back and thought that life was gonna be great again.
Well here we are about seven years later and after a whole lot of heartache and misery I realized that she was the most shallow person I know because I paid attention and seen how she was fake as fuck with everybody we know and so then one has to wonder is she like that to me also and the answer is was and always has been yes, and after the last few years of one lie after another I finally caught on to her and her manipulation tricks of blame shifting and every time she tries to change the topic and all her shit she does to be shady as fuck and even though I don't think she even realizes it herself or I don't know maybe she does know it and will just never be honest I don't know... but I now in just the last couple of weeks let it sink in that I have been in love with this person that I'm about 99% sure isn't capable of loving anybody but herself and has even made shit up to people while playing victim that I've hit her and am mean to her but none of it was true and while I have left her one other time I felt bad and came back believing things would be different and nope.
Well I told her the other night that I loved her deeply and that we both know that things are not gonna change and even while talking to her seriously she wasn't listening and more into her phone but I said I'm not gonna put myself through this shit anymore because I can see that your feelings are an act but this shit tears me up every time we do this shit which is more and more frequent, you tell people I'm so horrible yet you sit here and tell me you love me? I'm not gonna even try to believe it anymore because I know this isn't what I want for myself and I wish you would get some kind of help (I said that because I probably would give it another shot if I thought it was possible for her to change) and so with tears in my eyes I said this is it we are done and their is no chance of us working it out it's over.
And now after slandering my name all over and trying to get back with me I am just having to stick to what I said because even though I want to give in I know that it will just be more of the same and so my heart is saying maybe she isn't bullshitting me this time but my brain is telling me this Is all part of the pattern and it's time to break the cycle.
... the only problem I have now is lack of confidence because I'm 40 years old and feel like an overweight old man that doesn't even know how to flirt with a female let alone get a date with one lol, maybe I should give in but I know it's not gonna be good.
Anyway I guess my answer is I don't know for sure but good luck with that because it's hard to do.

Sandeeppingping · Accepted Answer

It's gonna be really tough and really hard for you to do it, after all you love so you're willingly losing something basically, my advice would be for you to think about the alternative, the alternative the way I see it is 2 options, 1) You keep living in a relationship that's actually a lie and waste months maybe years of your life on it 2) One day he'll break up with you and you're gonna wish you did it yourself before because now nit only are you hurt, but your pride and ego just jumped off a building head first, so yes I agree it's shitty it's gonna feel uncomfortable you're not gonna want to do it, but no matter how you feel, do it and break up with him regardless because you know that's what you should do

WonderBell99 · Accepted Answer

I was going to opine on your previous questions, but I couldn't because I was offline for a while, but when I saw many people advising you to break up with him, I started wondering if you tried to bring this up with him. My best advice for you is to sit him down and have a chat with him about what has been bothering you. Some people may prioritize their best friends over their girlfriends, especially if they have known each other for a long time, like childhood friends, but would never cheat on their partners.

Now, I'm not sure if he has feelings for her, or if she has feelings for him, but I would not be comfortable with what your boyfriend is doing if he were my partner either. Your feelings are justified. Your partner may not realize that he has been hurting you by his behavior with his friend and may need you to knock some sense into him so that he tones down his behavior a bit. If he truly loves you and respects your relationship, he will try to make you comfortable and behave like a normal platonic friend would with her.

Instead of breaking up and making a hasty decision that you may regret later, talk to him. If he does not seem to change his ways, your best bet would be to end this relationship with this man. I'm certain that if he does not change, you will never be happy in this relationship with him. For the sake of your happiness and peace of mind, don't delay important conversations like these in the future. As soon as he comes home from the vacation, be sure to make your grievances known. Small tip, lay out your concerns in a firm but "non accusatory" way. if you accuse him of something, especially involving his best friend whom he seems immensely close with, he may flip out and get defensive. Allow him to talk and if he does not seem to compromise, please get out of this relationship. You are his girlfriend, and he should treat you like one.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Rip off the bandaid. No easy way to do it. I’ve tried twice and been unsuccessful. I told my boyfriend. I care for you love you but i think we would just be better as friends. He did not take it well. Said no thats weird and continued to date lol Another time i said what do you think about breaking up? That one went better and we had an actual convo about things going weong etc

Pinay_ako · Answer

What is the reason? I had to. Because it was going nowhere and I was just hurting myself being with him.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Tell them it's over, give them closure and have that talk (if possible - they may not let you get a word in), and then move on.

Cut all contact and block them.

Then give yourself time to grieve and work through what you felt, and then focus on yourself for a while.

Reflect on what didn't work, what you want in the future, and what lessons you learned. Take those learnings into your next relationship.

GreatBigCircles · Answer

Don’t break up with him before actually talking it out with him. It might very well be harder than just closing your eyes and burning bridges, but if you respect and love him you need to cut through the anxiety and discuss it with him. About how he feels about the relationship, your worries, etc. Doing so will keep you both from dealing with the “what ifs” later in life.

sheikalana · Answer

You tell them the reasons why you're breaking up and then you need to cut them off your life even if it's temporary you really need to detach and stop talking to each other in the early stages post break up.

BlueScorpio · Answer

I think you should talk to him about first to see if it's true or not. Express your feelings first.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You have to be brutal. No other way around it.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

Tell him, especially if the moment seems obvious: "I'm starting to think she might be a better fit for you." See how he reacts, and play by ear.

Light909090 · Answer

Get angry 😡 use that anger as energy to Break up with that person

macjets007 · Answer

Do you know he is in love with his best friend? Talk to him about it directly.

Iron_Man · Answer

Why would you wanna do that if you’re in love?

TroyDT · Answer

I will give up someone I adore if I think we are not going to work out.

Anonymous · Answer

Until I find her alternative who is better looking and hot.

ProVox · Answer

I moved, about 600 miles away.

In_Trance · Answer

You don't

How do you break up with someone you are in love with?

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