Is my boyfriend in love with his best friend or am I just feeding into my insecurities?

[Anonymous]

First I would like to say that I am a 29 y/o confident attractive and successful women. But lately I have been feeling insecure.

My 25 y/o boyfriend is an adonis with chiseled features and abs. He everything I have ever wanted. He is kind chivalrous understanding listens when I talk and strong. He has so much stamina and control. He always puts my pleasure first. He’s perfect, but there is one problem his best friend of 20 years.

She is 23 y/o and easily the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. What’s worse is that she is just as perfect as he is! She is the most generous and selfless person I have ever met. She a member of multiple honors societies. She is artistic, young, dances, sings like an Angel, very open minded, can put her legs behind her head, cook and bakes. She is excellent with children and everyone loves her. To top it off

Her body actually looks like this

And her face look very similar to this woman’s

I was really bitter when I saw her baby and childhood pictures, because I was hoping she just has Plastic surgery and a boob job. But no. I hate how petty I am about this.

Now onto why I think he is in love with her:

1. Before we started going out she basically lived with him. They both have there own penthouses (because of their wealthy families. Unlike them I am not wealthy) but she would cuddle with him in bed while wearing his shirt every night. (They stopped this after we stated going out)

2. He greets her by calling her babygirl, kitten, Princess while back hugging her. He gives her piggy back rides and randomly picks her up sometimes.

3. When he is drunk she is usually all he talks about or he call/text her.

4. When he goes back home to visit his parents she comes along. I understand this because his parents have watched her grow up. She is basically a part of his family

5. He proposed to her when they were children.

6. He has her period schedule on his calendar brings her junk food tampons heating pads. He sings to her. Comforts her.

Updates

1 y

He has also canceled some of our dates when she wasn’t feeling well or was upset. She never asks him to do anything for her but he always runs. And he will do literally anything to put a smile on her face when she is upset, no matter how stupid it makes him look

Sorry for how long this is. I just had to let all my suppressed emotions out.

[Glenn_lawrence]

By the way you described her i thought your were talking about my girlfriend lol. Just kidding my girl is in my opinion hotter, but anyways on to you issue. You did described what many men would consider the perfect woman, you have to ask yourself if she was that flawless why is he not with her? There has to be a reason that he chose you over her. Now it may very well be because he sees you hotter or sees you better than her in every way. well if that was the case then I would ask you why are you worried about someone who he didn't pick to be his girlfriend. He chose you over miss perfect. so with that thought then its safe to say you are letting your insecurities get the best of you.

Now for another scenario. Now there is a really good chance that the reason they aren't together is because she isn't in to him. they grew up together so they have history. Now you see your boyfriend as the most flawless gentleman left in the world. But she may see him as that kid that would tease her at the playground. To be honest his behavior in regards to her is very simpish if you ask me. The things he would do and sacrifice doing for her are only things I would do for someone I was in a committed relationship with. So for a GUY to give a woman what I like to call wifey benefits to someone who he isn't even in a relationship with is a huge red flag with the word simp on it if you ask me. Now the problem with all this is what will happen if she tells him that she realizes they should be together and if that has been something he was hoping for that could mean you guys break up.

But what you should really ask yourself is this. And its has nothing to do with his feelings for her or her feelings for him. What you need to ask yourself is why would you continue to be with someone who treats another woman better or does more for then the woman he is with. Because I always thought when you are in a relationship the only person that you would stop what you were doing or change your plans for or take such an interest in their cycle to where you have it on your calendar would be your significant other. But hey I hope you find something in all of this helpful and I wish you the best of luck with this situation

[Asker]

Thank you for your insight. I want to stay with him because I am falling in love with him or I already am in love. I just don’t want to lose him.

[Hairylegs222]

That's tough... I'd feel like she's my competition if I was in your position. It's either you accept that woman is his good friend, or you don't and move.

I do not recommend at all telling that woman about it like others have suggested on here. That could most likely ruin your relationship with both of them and cause drama. I'd only recommend telling your boyfriend about how you feel about the entire situation and let him decide if he feels a change should occur. Not an extreme change, but changes such as he sees her a lot less and you a lot more. You're his top priority. He doesn't hang out with her alone ever, and always brings you too if she wants to hang out.

Having said all that, if that woman is great person like you're mentioning, then why not be great friends with her too if you're not yet? Wouldn't hurt 😊.

To answer the question though, it sounds like he's a really good friend to her but loves you as his girlfriend. He loves her as a friend. Some people go completely out of their way for friends as he's doing. But a mistake he's making is not treating you his girlfriend as his top priority.

[Asker]

thank you for your help.

[Hairylegs222]

Oops correction in that sentence, move on*

[Asker]

Lol I got what you meant.

[Alwayreckles93]

Girl please you are successful make more money then these 23 year old immature. She isn't that great one one on this earth is that perfect. Your boyfriend needs to appreciate you more and realize the hidden gem he has. Why is he cancelled your dates just because of her? Girl hell no she isn't that special. I have guy friends but I would never put them first before my boyfriend. That's crazy Im sorry I read your post and I'm already angry I wish I could punch and pull that 23 year olds hair. Your boyfriend shouldn't be doing this to you.

[Asker]

I definitely make more money than her. She doesn’t work and just uses her parents money. But he makes more than I do. I know she has a good amount of flaws, but I was just letting my insecurity take control while writing about her so I was only thinking about all the ways she is better than me. I realize that I am better at a lot of things she sucks at. He doesn’t cancel often, it’s only happened about like 4 or 5 times. I would never put my guy friends before my boyfriend either, but I haven’t known my guy friends that long. I’m trying to be understanding because they have grown up together, so I know she means a lot to him. Thank you for understanding my side of things. Who do you want to punch and whose hair do you want to pull my boyfriend’s or his best friend’s?

[Alwayreckles93]

His best friend. That girl has no business in canceling your dates and getting in between you and your boyfriend. You are better than her because you make more money you act mature and independent. This 23 year old could be using your boyfriend for his money. Girl talk to your boyfriend you need to come first before this 23 year old. Okay yes friends are friends but there is a limit ye exactly 💯 you wouldn't put your friends first before him for why did he cancel dates for her. She's 23 if she's depressed she needs to figure he own crap out not have your boyfriend always with her and making excuses oh she doesn't feel well BS she needs to figure out her crap not have someone else be there for her. Not sure how many times I had issues but I don't go to my guy friends that are in relationships I step out because I know that is disrespectful. This 23 year old is disrespecting your relationship. It doesn't matter friend of his or not. This 23 year old needs to butt out.

[Asker]

I don’t think she knows he is with me when she calls him and sometimes she doesn’t even call him. One of their close friends will text in the group chat that she need comfort or something like that lol. Yes! I am much more independent. She is honestly the most dependent person I have ever met. I think that because of her good looks and rich parents she is used to people doing everything for her. I don’t think she is using him for money though, because she buys him things a lot. She recently just bought him a all in one house gym or something for his birthday. All I know is it looked super expensive, it folds in half or something, and it has a huge long screen on it. He was so happy when she showed it to him that he forgot to open anyone else’s presents and just focused on setting up the machine. If I didn’t have bills to pay I could probably buy him something like that too. I know I have to talk to him, but I’m so nervous about it. A lot of the times he goes over because she is hurt and angry over their other childhood best friend (I’ll call him X.) X and her have a very messy and complicated thing going on and they always end up hurting each other. So when that happens, my boyfriend, their other childhood best friend (I’ll call him J), and J’s girlfriend (who also happens to be the 23 year olds best girl friend) all go comfort her. J and his girlfriend also go to comfort X, but my boyfriend refuses to leave her side. To be honest, she is actually really nice. She is immature, pampered, spoiled, used to people doing everything for her, clueless about the real world, can unintentionally act snobbish (like when she tried beanie weenie and said she loved poor people food), and much more but she is a good person. I like her and think we could be good friends. I just need to stop feeling so insecure around her and I would prefer it if my boyfriend spent a little less of his attention on her.

[Haha456]

you need to drop this guy. you clearly are not top priority to him. And I can easy tell you also have low self worth despite how you say you're successful and attractive. Any girl with half a brain and decent self confidence would know to ditch from such a guy.

[Asker]

If he was any other guy I would drop him, but he is so attractive and good in bed. He is also a great guy and we balance each other out perfectly. It’s hard to walk away, because I love him.

[Haha456]

he's not gonna spend the rest of his life with you, sweetie. he doesn't seem like he wants to commit only to you. Theer is a good chance he does not care if you are bothered by the fact that he visits this girl so much in his life. you are not his first priority.

your relationship won't last hun.

[Haha456]

you need to develop some self-respect. I would never stay with someone like that no matter how hot or well we complement each other. A relationship will never work out if he can't treat me as his top priority.

Ask yourself: do you want to share the love of your life with another woman? or do you want to find a man who treats you like his one and only queen?

quite frequently what women do not realize until they get much older is:

its not the funniest, or most charismatic , interesting man that you should marry. But a man who loves you, treats you well, cares about you more than anyone else on earth. Personality does not matter if he can't treat you fairly or well.

[Asker]

But I think i will be his first priority once she gets a boyfriend, because in his mind she will have someone to take care of her and doesn't need his protection anymore. I think once she gets a boyfriend everything will be better.

[Haha456]

I think its more about his lack of attentiveness and respect for you. If he knew you didn't like it, why did he not care about you felt about it? why would he put her needs over your needs? he's refusing to commit to you.

Imagine if your husband was tending to another woman who was in pain due to her period? doesn't this sound odd and funny to you? how would you feel if your husband was still calling his ex girlfriend "baby, hunnie, boo-boo"?

there is no indication here that this boy toy of yours wants to commit to you.
He does not take you seriously as a significant other.

When other guys date, they make sure to not be too intimate with their female friends / acquaintances. This means restricting teh number of times hanging out one on one with the opposite gender. Avoiding using names of affection to other females. Meanwhile your boyfriend does the complete opposite.

you're not confident as you like to claim. you're quite the opposite of that. I've known less attractive girls with more self confidence than you

[Asker]

I don’t think he knows about how uncomfortable their dynamic makes me, because I have never commented on it. He is committed to me. He has never cheated. The way he pampers her when she is on her period doesn’t seem odd to me, but he is just a very caring and sensitive guy. She is not his ex, they are just friends. If he didn’t want to commit than why did he ask me out? Why don’t you think I’m confident?

[Haha456]

just because a guy asks you out, it does not mean he want to commit forever to you or see you as wife material. you clearly know you can get something better but you wouldn't. you rather settle for less than what you want.

you have low self esteem because you barely even mentioned it to him that it bothered you. because you put him on such a high pedestal. You don't want to say it bothers you because you do not have the self confidence to believe that you are entitled to being treated better. You are so afraid of him leaving you that you would tolerate absolutely anything.

trust me, this guy will never marry you. the relationship will never last. he's not commited to you.

[Haha456]

Part of dating is to evaluate if a guy is the right one for you. If you keep this mentality of constantly stifling and silencing yourself about your own problems with a guy, you will just end up dating a lot of men that are not right for you. Because you're too afraid to eliminate guys that are wrong for you. You don't think you can get anything better.

If I were in a relationship with a guy and he did that to his friend, I would say it bothers me. I wouldn't keep it silent. And his response to that, would be a key indicator as whether or not I will continue seeing him. If he knows it bothers me but he does not care , its a key sign that I am not a priority in his life. In other words, he is not committed to me. There are more important things in his life than me.

[FlowerChild94]

Yesss

[FlowerChild94]

Omg girl you will be once she gets a boyfriend? Listen to yourself... you’re literally saying you aren’t top priority some other girl is... come on don’t say we didn’t warn you.

[Asker]

Everything you say hurts me, but I know you are trying to help me. I know I seem stupid, but I love him, and I am hoping for the best. Thank you for being honest with me.

[Asker]

@FlowerChild94 yes, but I'm hoping that one day I will be.

[FlowerChild94]

Girl I know how you feel I was with a guy using me for second and he wasn’t attracted to me and I wasn’t his ideal type and I fell in love with him. I understand your pain completely and are not trying to hurt you. And again I mean it when I say this it does not mean anything bad about you. ❤️❤️👑

[Haha456]

@Asker

you may say that we are hurting you right now. But trust me, at the end , HE WILL HURT YOU. Its only a matter of time.

No offense but you seriously need mental help if you're gonna continue going out with a guy who cancels dates with you , just so that he can buy a warm drink for his attractive female friend. Its hilarious how the first thing you said about yourself was that you are confident. Girl, you're the furthest thing from confident.

[Asker]

@FlowerChild94 I'm sorry that happened to you. I know you aren't trying to hurt me, I know you are trying to help, and I appreciate it. Thank you <3

[Asker]

maybe. I will talk to him about everything. How did you know he makes hot chocolate for her when she needs comfort? did I mention it before? I am confident. At least I was confident until I met her.

[Haha456]

@Asker

because you wrote that he cancels dates so that he can do things for her.

and yet you still insist you are confident. maybe you think you are confident but you actually aren't.

most girls would dump a guy like that but you wouldn't.

[Haha456]

sorry girl, but I honestly dont think you deserve any sympathy for whatever ends up happening to you. I think you're just on here for some sympathy so that you can feel better about your situation but at the end of the day, I can tell you're never ever gonna leave him until something really bad happens which will happen eventually. We all warned you, but you decided to just turn your back to us and not listen

[Haha456]

I would have to agree with the guy who won best answer. There is a high likelihood that he is interested in her romantically but she doesn't reciprocate his feelings. You can talk to him about it but there's really no explanation that will justify canceling a date so that he can tend to her on her period. I don't even know why this has to be explained. I just feel like everyone on this site isn't that bright.

[Asker]

do you think he might cheat? he would never do that.

[Haha456]

@Asker

how can he cheat on you if she doesn't like him back?

the reason why its been so frustrating talking to you is because I don't feel like you're taking anything I've said here seriously. I don't think you took what anyone has said on here seriously. You're just looking for excuses to justify staying in a subpar relationship. And this all boils down to low self worth, low self esteem, which you won't admit. To me, as someone with a very high self worth, its beyond my imagination why anyone would stay with a guy like that.

but the fact that he cancels dates just to intimately care for her, shows that you are not the only important woman in his life. you are not his first priority. this also means you are nowhere close to the girl he wants to marry.

if you are ok with this, continue dating him. At the end of the day, your life , your choice.

[Asker]

Okay. I’m sorry for frustrating you and making you feel like you are wasting your time but I really appreciate you for taking your time to talk to me. It means a lot to me.

[Haha456]

@Asker

Her being on her period is not a valid reason for him to cancel a date. Unless she is dying and set to the ER then that would be ok. But its really no emergency, her life is not at risk, its not a legitamate reason to cancel.

Even worse, you mentioned that he PROPOSED to her when they both were young. how would you still lie to yourself and believe that he would propose to her if never had any romantic feelings for her?

you are sitting here hoping that she would go get a boyfriend so she would leave your boyfriend alone. What if she breaks up with her boyfriend? would he be running back to her again?

you need to understand that you deserve to be with someone who prioritizes you above any other woman. Imagine if you married this guy and then your husband says he can't go to dinner with you tonight as he promised because he needs to buy pads for his female friend.

who is more important here? you or her?

[Haha456]

From analyzing what you're saying, you're currently in denial. You refuse to believe what anyone is telling you on here because it makes you feel better at the end of the day. Settling for a subpar relationship is easier for you than doing the right thing : breaking up and finding someone who treats you better. But I'm gonna tell you something about life: Life doesn't care about feelings. Bad things happen.

And from everything you've written about him on here, your relationship with him won't last and doesn't have a future. Cling onto him before he breaks up with you for someone else.

[Haha456]

He marks her period dates on his calendar but he doesn't mark your period date on his calendar. I guess she's just more important than you. He brings her a heating pad and hot chocolate when she is on her period but he doesn't bring you anything.

She is all he talks about when he is drunk. Do you realize that peoples most honest thoughts come out while theyre drunk? he's not talking about you when he's drunk. he's talking about her

Clearly she is more important than you to him

Yea... keep lying to yourself that he won't cheat on you. He already has a more important woman in his life and its clearly not you.

[Asker]

He does bring me things when I am on my period and does chores for me or anything I say I am too tired or am in too much pain to do. He just isn’t prepared with snacks and heating pads because he doesn’t write my cycle on his calendar. But he is a really good guy. I don’t want anyone to think he’s a jerk because he’s not. He is a wonderful and selfless person. I love him a lot. But I think I’m going to break up with him. I think it might hurt me a lot more than it would hurt him.

[Haha456]

ok so he's a kind selfless guy so that justifies him not making you a priority?

he marks HER PERIOD on his calendar, NOT YOURS. How many times do I need to repeat this to you?

he talks about her when he is drunk. He doesn't talk about you.

Don't be naive and think that kind selfless people cannot hurt you. I have been hurt my kind selfless people myself when I least expected it.

he's just dating you because she does not like him back. He has no other option but to date you. But it seems like his heart will always belong to her.

[Haha456]

[I think it might hurt me a lot more than it would hurt him.]

do you really want to be with someone who you love a lot more than he loves you?

Breaking up with him is the right thing to do in the long run.

From my experience, any time a guy makes you feel like you're not good enough for him, you need to get rid of him. Because when the right man comes into your life, you will know it. He will savor and love every part of you. He will be crazy about you and accept all your flaws. You will know 100% without a doubt that he is into you.

[Asker]

I hope to find someone like that. I wish that someone was him. Thank you for being so honest with me and helping me realize that it is probably for the best to end our relationship.

[Haha456]

@Asker

I'm glad I helped you out. Good luck!!

[OlderAndWiser]

Many of the things you described between them would make me have this same question. That is an unusually close relationship for a guy and a girl who are not in love. And I would be extremely disturbed about him cancelling dates to be with her, unless it was something extraordinary like one of her parents died.

You may not be able to answer the question of whether he is "in love" with her but there is another question: will you ever be more important to him than she is now? I don't feel confident saying that it will happen with enough time; I'm not sure that will ever happen.

Does she date? Has she ever sought a relationship with anyone else? Does he seem to be jealous if she spends time with another guy?

[Asker]

She does kind of. Her and their other childhood best friend (I’ll call him X) have a very messy and complicated thing going on. It’s been going on for years now apparently. I don’t understand it. None of our friends understand it. They don’t understand it. It’s weird. My boyfriend absolutely hates the relationship. I think it has more to do with how much X has hurt and confuses her. She has also hurt X before. There’s a lot of miscommunication and things left unsaid. The relationship causes a lot of tension in their friend group. That was a lot more than you needed to know lol.

[Th3ft]

Damn! Yeah he sounds really head over heels for her. I mean it maybe that they did do things before when they were younger and perhaps she doesn’t have the same feelings for him or perhaps he has never gassed up to his feelings and has just secretly always loved her. Either way you are better off braking up with him if that is his feelings. I would tell him that he needs to decide. Lay the facts out before him and show him how unfair he is being and then tell him that you don’t want that anymore and that it is either her or you.

[Asker]

I’m scared to lose him.

[Th3ft]

That is fair but do you really want to be his side pice?

[Asker]

How am I his side piece? I’m his girlfriend.

[exitseven]

I was going to make a snarky comment but I know this is a real thing for you. I had a few female friends before I got married. One was really my best friend for a while. Yes, sometimes I got confused about my feelings for her. I know she got confused about me too. However I met somebody who really was perfect for me in so many different ways. She was jealous of these friends and I sort of let these friendships lapse. After all these years I am starting to miss these relationships and maybe resent my wife a little for making me choose.

[exitseven]

Don't let your insecurities mess up your relationship.

[Asker]

So you think there dynamic is normal?

[exitseven]

It almost sounds like a brother/sister thing. I am assuming they never dated or had sex. I would give him the benfit of the doubt until he gives you good reason not to. I understand being insecure it is a natural reaction. You have a lot of good qualities too.

[Asker]

Is it normal to walk in on him moaning and her straddling his bare back as she massages him in his bed? I found that suspicious, but when I opened the door to his bedroom they looked a little surprised but not guilty. He said his shoulders were bothering him and she smiled and offered to do me next. This calmed my worries but I still find it odd.

[Idontknowtoo]

I'm still stuck on them cuddling, Do you people (from other countries) cuddle with anyone that isn't your partner? Is that normal?

Anyway, I don't know, something is off, I wouldn't do all that for my little sister, and sounds like you're not number 1 in his life, I mean I get it, he's known her more, but I have friends and family that I've known more than my girl, I'm still not doing all that, something seems off to me, I think you should actually talk about this, and if nothing comes from the conversation then just go your separate ways, we all had/Have female best friends, I'm 13 years strong with my best friend, I'm not cuddling with her though, I'm not doing any of those things, thats my friend, so even our nicknames are stupid, nothing like "kitten"

[Asker]

I didn’t think it was normal either, but he is a very affectionate guy. He even cuddles his male friends sometimes. But he cuddles them on the couch when others are over. He use to cuddle her when they were alone in his bed all night. I feel like that is a lot more intimate than resting his head on his friends when he is tired or tipsy during game night. All of their/our friends call her kitten, but he is the only one who calls her baby girl. Others do sometimes, but in a mocking manner. Thank you for your honest opinion.

[midnightmoon05]

I sure did have that experience. it was very very hard for a long time. We did break up for a year.
we are now married.
You have to know your own situation.
how long have you been dating?
Will she be getting a boyfriend?
you can try to be her best friend.

[Asker]

I’m glad everything worked out for you. It gives me hope. We have been dating for almost 9 months. She kid of already has one. It is really complicated and no one understands it. I don’t think they even understand the relationship. He is also one of their childhood friends. I am kind of already her friend. I just sometimes get way too insecure when she is around so it is hard be around her. I hate it because I have always been very self assured.

[Lucifer_01]

Let me tell you about my life, My life is fucked recently.

My girl friend and my best friend had sex, they are falling love with each other, and I don't know how to react with it. I m really calm, but it torn me inside. I m numb and depressed.

The thing is I knew it from before, That my best friend love my girl. I overthink on it and I get it that this is gonna happen one day. but I was not ready for it.

They took advantage of me. Of my kindness, I m not dumb, I was not. I know that this thing is are happening but I had a trust on my girl that she will not let him.

But I m no more to trust anyone.

I m numb, acting like nothing happened, this feeling make me giving up.

[Asker]

I’m so sorry that happened to you.

[Lucifer_01]

It's ok, I m- I m fine now, you know you can never hate people whom you love the most even though they hurt you so badly. I appreciate you asking this question.

[Asker]

One day you will find someone who is much better for you and you will be happy that things didn’t work out with that other girl.

[Lucifer_01]

I m hoping for it. Thanks by the way

[Asker]

You are welcome. Best wishes!

[Light909090]

Your being paranoid
I mean think about it.
They Grew up together and we friends since super little he cares about her So much that He wants the best for his best friend and if anything came between choosing to be there for his best friend when she’s in pain and struggling or you making an ultimatum to choose between his best friend or you
You’d lose they’ve been friends since childhood of course they’re going be close to each other
They’ve been best friends since childhood.

[Asker]

That’s my biggest fear. Him thinking that I am making him choose between the two of us.

[Light909090]

Then don’t Present yourself that way and he won’t Think that’s what your making him do.

[Asker]

Okay. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Yes he is but deep down you already know this. If that were me, I would have already ditched both of them for good. Stop letting them make a fool out of you, it will utterly kill your self esteem and ruin your next relationship. Get out before it's too late. But you also must realize that the Chad's you just described rarely commit and there is a reason why those two weren't already together.

[Asker]

How are they making a fool out of me? What’s a Chad?

[Opinion Owner]

Read back through the list you made. Most of it is completely unacceptable behavior. A Chad is another version of Adonis.

This is what you should ask yourself. If a daughter of yours came and asked you about this (concerning her boyfriend) and presented you with this list, what would you think? would you be concerned or happy for her?

[Asker]

I would probably be concerned and pissed. But what if it is all in my head and my jealousy is making the situation out to be much worse than it actually is?

[Opinion Owner]

Regardless of jealousy, it does not change the fact that you've mentioned inappropriate behavior completely lacking in boundaries. Being in a relationship means having different boundaries that come from mutual respect.

It's also possible that due to how he looks and his performance in bed, that you are putting up with much more than you would if he was a more average guy.

[Asker]

What do you think about me talking to her first about how I am feeling about everything? Do you think that’s a good idea? You are right. I probably wouldn’t.

[Opinion Owner]

Talking to her won't change the facts. Arguably that's just another thing to (subconsciously) delay you from actually enforcing your own boundaries. In such situations we know what we need to do but will find ourselves taking all other action apart from the one we really need to take.

Talking to her will not change that he has ignored your concerns. It won't change that he monitors her menstrual cycle. It won't change that he uses inappropriate pet names with her and talks about her when drunk. This is one of the dangers of a scarcity mindset and fear of being alone, or fear of not meeting someone else. He likely already senses this on some level.

I can also tell that if you tried to leave him and he apologized promising never to do such behavior again that you would stay with him too.

[Asker]

I guess I am trying to avoid things. But I want to find a way to work things out so everyone is happy.

[Opinion Owner]

Everyone being happy is not always possible.

[Asker]

I wish it was.

[Anonymous]

Damn he loves her lol I’d be in love w her too if she was my best friend. She sounds like the perfect person for him in his parents’ eyes. Even if I wasn’t in love w her she’s hot AF I’d still want to bang her. A man can’t be friends w a girl like that w out wanting to do more, unless he’s gay. She has very pretty eyes, nice, perfect body. Man I wish I had a Jessie’s girl lol man I’m sorry but yes he has feelings for her

[Asker]

Can’t you find someone attractive but not be attracted to them?

[Opinion Owner]

Lol no. I mean if you found them attractive you’re obviously attracted to them. In what way we’ll maybe as someone you just want to Phil or have a relationship w. But her, she’s about every man’s dream in one way or another.

[Asker]

But she always says how attractive she finds this friend of our and he always talks about how attractive he finds her but when I asked them why they don’t go out with each other, they just looked at each other and laughed saying “noooo that’s weird.” I mentioned this in another comment, but when I was writing this I was very emotional, so I overdramatized things a little. She definitely has her flaws.

[Opinion Owner]

Everyone has flaws but I’m sure what flaws she has most men will look over. I’m just telling you what a majority of men think. How is it that I can go overseas, not speak a lick of whatever language of the country I’m in but a heterosexual male would think the same thing if we both seen a hot, nude chick stacked higher than the mountains? Because we all pretty much think the same. Superficially we may like different things, blondes, brunettes, blue eyes, etc, but when it comes to what we’re thinking most men can usually tell you what another male is thinking especially when it comes to hot women like this.

[Asker]

What if he only sees her as a younger sister?

[Opinion Owner]

Lol look at what I as well as a lot of other men are telling you. We’re all pretty much saying the same thing. You just don’t want to accept that it’s possible that he does like her as more than a friend

[Asker]

If he likes her then why is he with me?

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe because she isn’t into him

[Asker]

I don’t know. I kind of wish I never asked this question lol.

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sorry. It does seem like he goes to extremes for her. Extreme to the point that he’s taking care of her when it’s her time of the month. Doesn’t that seem a little strange? The pet names? I mean he proposed to her when he was younger. He has feelings for her as more than a friend. Had things been the other way around I guarantee he wouldn’t like it. Sadly I think there’s a no. 1 in his life, you’re not it.

[Asker]

When he proposed to her he was like 7 and it was with a Ring pop, so I don’t know if that counts.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol I don’t know. The way things are today w kids saying they know at that age that they want to be a boy or girl maybe he knew who he wanted to marry.

[Asker]

Maybe. Thank you

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome

[Gollum]

I get why this is confusing. A young drop dead gorgeous thing like that. BUT he has known her all his life yet he chose to date you anyway, so perhaps this is more or less kind of a brother-sister thing?

Hard to tell from the outside. Yet one thing you may prepare for: She will most likely always be part of his extended family the way her cares about her.

[Asker]

I think I can. I just need to stop feeling so insecure around her. She is really nice and friendly. She tries to make sure I don’t feel left out when they hang out with their old friends. He does that too.

[Hybridbox]

Sure she's drop-down gorgeous but that doesn't really mean he's going to date her because you're his girlfriend. However the fact that when he gets drunk he always thinks of her is a little suspcious. I don't know I think ur overthinking a bit. If u really feel that way just talk to him about it in a non-confrontational way or maybe talk to her instead

[Asker]

I never thought about talking to her. I feel like that might be a bit easier. Thank you.

[Surely]

I am sure anyone in your position would feel the same as you do. Why in the world would he keep track of her monthly cycle?
If the tables were reversed. I wonder how your boyfriend would feel about you and another guy doing the same things?
If you think that you can put up with this for who knows how many years. Stick around and hope for the outcome you desire.

[Asker]

He says he keeps track for her because she always forgets to write it on her calendar. He also does it so he can prepare snacks and ice cream, movies to watch, and music to listen to. He makes sure she has pads and tampons and if she has run out he will buy some for her. He is really organized and she is kind of go with the flow and doesn’t prepare for things, so he does it for her. He sometimes even builds a blanket fort for them to watch movies. He does all of this to distract her from the pain. When it’s really bad he plays with her hair and sings her to sleep. To be fair, he has done these things for me too. He just doesn’t have my cycle on his calendar so he isn’t prepared with snacks, but he buys them for me. The only thing he has never done is build a blanket fort, but I don’t need that because I’m an adult. He also doesn’t buy me “period prizes”. Apparently her mother used to buy her gifts when she wasn’t feeling good, so he took over and started buying her a present whenever she doesn’t feel good.

[Asker]

I don’t know how long I can put up with this, but I have decided to talk to her first about how I feel.

[Surely]

I can understand how hard giving him an ultimatum since you do love him. But probably until he knows that he might loose you. He will not change.
Good luck!

[Asker]

Thank you.

[Missgingles]

Wtf.. bruh break up with him.. and find someone who loves you. He clearly wants that other girl and I bet they are already dating behind your back

[Asker]

Why would they do that?

[Missgingles]

Because he likes her. Tell him how you feel about it all

[Asker]

But if he likes her why is he with me? I am trying to figure out how to approach that discussion.

[Missgingles]

Because he wants a piece or her and keep you. He problaby already slept with her behind your back

[Asker]

I don’t think he is the type of guy to do that.

[Missgingles]

Im not trying to Hurt you but from what you have said its pretty obvious. If I were you I'd tell him how I feel and dump him. But its up to you.

[Asker]

Okay thank you.

[Missgingles]

Hope it works out❤️

[Asker]

Thank you. I do too lol. :)

[CChessboard]

For me personally I think you should talk to him about this. Your dating and all and since you are he needs to know what your boundaries are. In relationships communication is key. If your uncomfortable about it talk to him. If he truly loves and cares about you he should respect these boundaries.

[Asker]

I know you are right. I know that this would be the healthiest and smartest choice, but it’s hard. Thank you.

[CChessboard]

Best of luck!

[Asker]

Thank you!

[DryGermanGuy]

I mean, to make it really work, it’s all about good communication between adults. So you should state your concerns to your partner, without coming off as bitchy or whiny.

[Asker]

I know you are right, but I’m scared about how he will react. I don’t want him to break up with me and I don’t want to cause a rift between the two of them.

[DryGermanGuy]

I would bring up the thing that irks you the most, when it happens. For example, him canceling dates to do something with her. Could be in the form of a question, as in „why do you prioritize her over your girlfriend?“.

[Asker]

That makes sense. I just don’t want to seem like the bitter jealous girlfriend.

[DryGermanGuy]

Well, there is this old adage in Germany, translated it reads: „the tone makes the music.“ 🙂

[Asker]

That’s a nice saying.

[jshm2]

To be fair, your silly jealousy, and needless envy, is going to push them together - not apart.

Be the better friend to both to understand their dynamic better.

[Asker]

I know. I am trying. I’ve been trying to ever since I met her, but it’s hard.

[Literalbillionaire17]

I get your concern bc some of the things you said would raise red flags with anyone tbh. But there isn’t anything wrong with you, you’re not overreacting or being insecure, you’re seeing honest flags.

[Asker]

So what would you do?

[Literalbillionaire17]

Personally I would confront him about it flat out. Not super aggressive but like just asking simply if there’s any possibility of anything going on.

And don’t compare yourself to her anymore. I know it’s not easy and as girls and women we want to be the girl that people like physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. But you don’t deserve to put yourself through that.

[Asker]

Thank you for your help and thank you for saying that. I will try not to compare myself to her anymore, but it’s very hard.

[Literalbillionaire17]

Np. And I understand what you mean. I have confidence issues too sometimes but I find that just working on what I don’t like about myself even a bit helps. I hope you figure it out 🙂

[Asker]

Thank you!

[FlowerChild94]

Umm just find a new boyfriend and if you can compete with this woman than you are the literal shitz!!!

[FlowerChild94]

Sorry baby but it’s proof that if you can find a guy I like him once you can find another one find another one without this “best friend “ drama

[FlowerChild94]

He is not in love with her sorry number 1 just said it all plus the rest.

[FlowerChild94]

He is in love with her ** sorry baby but that doesn’t take anything away from you.

[Asker]

But she stopped spending the night when we started going out. Why would he be with me if he is in love with her?

[FlowerChild94]

Men use woman for place holders sometimes. Look it up. To pass the time. Sex or convince?
And there are many reason why else. Maybe she’s not into him the same. It’s like I’m with my boyfriend because I can’t be with nick jonas because if I could I would. LOL

[FlowerChild94]

But it doesn’t mean anything bad about you remember that!!!

[Asker]

Oh okay. I will look more into it. Lol Nick Jonas was always my favorite Jonas. Thank you for everything! :)

[FlowerChild94]

Yess you’re welcome you seem like a sweet girl and I only want the best for you.

[Asker]

You are really nice. <3

[FlowerChild94]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[FilmGuy93]

They've known each other for way too long to be anything more than friends. You don't go through all those phases of life together and still have romantic feelings for someone.

[Asker]

I agreed with you, but then I remembered she is kind of involved with their other childhood best friend. And she has known him fo 21 years. But maybe the reason why their relationship is so messy and confusing is because of how long they were friends?

[FilmGuy93]

Yup... When you know someone for that long through childhood, they become like a sibiling.

[Asker]

Thank you for your input.

[Twalli]

He's treated her like a girlfriend, even if it wasn't labeled as such. Now, if he's really as perfect as you say, he probably treats her as he would treat a sister. If I could help my sister I'd drop everything to do so.

[Asker]

He has his flaws, but being dishonest isn’t one of them. So you think he sees her as a sister?

[Twalli]

Probably

[Twalli]

To be clear, he loves her and she probably loves him. So they're going to be closer than friends because they love each other. Yet without sexual attraction, love is fine. I love my parents, sister, and dog. I have shared a bed with all of them multiple times. I don't want to and have never wanted to have sex with them. People who don't know me think my sister is perfect for me because we mesh well together, so even if she looks perfect for him and they mesh well it may be a sibling relationship; love but not in love.

[Asker]

Than you very much for your answer.