I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend, now he calls spits in my face and calls me a worthless whore, How should I fix this is relationship?

Question

I cheated with his best friend. Actually, it was an affair drawn out over a month with 3 encounters. My boyfriend and I got into one of the worst fights of our relationship and stopped talking for 2 weeks. I told him that we needed to take it slow, but the pain he had caused me was forever lodged in my brain. The affair started Valentine's Day when I went out to a bar with my boyfriend's friends, without my boyfriend. I just needed a carefree night with people I trust. His friend started feeding me shots, followed me to the bathroom, and kissed me. He was best friends with my boyfriend, who I had told my fears about the relationship to. We slept together three times after that. I knew it was wrong, but that hour or two I spent with him made me forget about my problems. And as soon as I got in my car, the guilt and shame washed over me. I saw my boyfriend during this time period, but I refused to do anything sexual with him, saying I still needed time. The last time I saw his friend was on my boyfriend's birthday. I had brought my boyfriend out for a nice dinner, hung out with him, then went "home" when really I went to a party at his friend's house, where the rest of his friends were. When I got there, everything felt different. I was talking to the friend in the kitchen when he went in for a drunken kiss. As this was happening, one of my boyfriend's other best friends walked in and immediately walked out. I didn't want the kiss to happen. But I drank and ended up spending an hour with him afterward. The next day, my boyfriend called me. He came over and said he had found out that the friend and I had kissed. He was devastated. He went to see his friend, who then told him everything. He hates me but still loves me. He spits in my face, calls me a worthless whore, He refuses to end it with me, even though he says all these things. And I don't want to end it because I do love him more than anything. I don't trust him, he doesn't trust me, but the love is still there.

Maddenis123 · Accepted Answer

Is the unfaithfulness over with? Moving forward, do you absolutely and unequivocally have nothing to hide? You’ll never get past this until you start being drop-dead honest. Remember, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If you don’t think you can stop on your own, get professional help.
By not being honest with yourself and your partner, you’re doing nothing but perpetuating the deception. If you know that you will continue to be unfaithful, and if you really care about your partner, you will let him/her go and get yourself some help.
Have the decency to tell your spouse in all honesty and candor that you own your choices. You’re the one who ran this relationship off in the ditch. This had nothing to do with your partner. If you want to fix your relationship, you have to accept responsibility and do whatever it takes to earn your partner’s trust back one step at a time.
Keep in mind, you can no longer be in contact with the person you were having an affair with. Avoid the places you know he/she frequents, change your phone numbers, and if you’re unsure of your strength in staying away from him/her, then move. If you’re so out of control that you’re like a moth to a flame, then get away from the candle!

hellionthesagereborn · Accepted Answer

No the love isn't their you cheated repeatedly. Clearly you did not love him. Clearly you do not wish to take responsibility for your actions either otherwise you wouldn't try to justify them by blaming him (who is also a shitty human being) for giving you alcohol (as if you where a child instead of an adult) and that it was secretly your boyfriends fault because of the fight etc. His response to your repeated infidelity is not just understandable, its fully deserved. The only moral thing for you to do is break up with him because he deserves some one who won't stab him in the back, who will not betray him and hurt him in the worse way possible. If you love him (instead of yourself) this is what you will do but I highly doubt that this will be the case sadly.

DanniK2000 · Accepted Answer

It's better for you both to part ways. If you stay together with no trust it won't work. He will be looking over your shoulder, you won't even be able to go to the bathroom without him questioning if you're in there on the phone to someone else. Have a grown up talk with him, tell him what you did and why.
You, the girl he is in love with cheated on him with his friend. How would you feel if he did it to you?

AthleticMom · Accepted Answer

Uh, the bed you made three times awaits you, so sleep in IT not the old boyfriend who can't get along with you anyway and if not loving you prior, certainly can't love you now!

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I understand that he doesn't trust you. Why is it that you don't trust him?

FemWorship · Answer

The only relationship worth fixing with with the "best Friend" jerk who saw an opening to finally satisfy his coverting lust & curiosity for/about your naked body & sexual satisfaction, no matter others' feelings. He is the one in control and the only potential "BF" on your radar.
Your present "BF" WILL eventually get even, no matter how long it takes and the deeper you invest in this deal, the more pleasure he'll realize when it's all in ashes overnight in front of you.

Those going through this may ACT normal for years but they are scarred fro life & others dear to them also experience this fallout, from simple unfounded jealousy to divorce/slander

On your side is the argument with break = able to do what you want
but don't think these acts allow you to go back, do-overs w/o 100% permission, not yet given... nor do I read any signs it ever will be.

I'm expecting him to suggest many assignments for you to make amends (which he may never give) even one day suggesting spit roasting you with another guy... perhaps his "friend" ... to prove what a whore you are, then decide if more of the same is your future or you have now learned your lesson and place in his life.

Rawrzz · Answer

It sounds so strange to me how people supposedly "in love" can immediately switch gears. Well. I guess it's not that strange. Love turns to hatred. The more love, the more hate when one is betrayed. Turning love into hate is pretty easy. But it's oftentimes next to impossible to change hate to love. In the context of a romantic relationship, it takes time and a looooot of work.

Personally, I don't think alcohol should be ignored when someone cheats. Alcohol lowers inhibitions to where you do things you wouldn't ordinarily do.

your writing is sorta all over the place. Was it just a drunken kiss or an actual affair with sex 3 times?

As for how to get the relationship back, that's a tricky one. Most people tend to see cheaters as the lowest of the low, and it is not easily forgiven. Just because he said he still loved loves you doesn't mean that that's enough.

charlie_boy · Answer

You need to end it and cease all contact with him. Too much damage has been done it this stage.

I thankfully have never been in this kind of situation but if I was the boyfriend, I would go for both of you. A best friend is someone you're supposed to trust and he broke that trust so I'd destroy him. If you were my girlfriend in this situation I'd want to know why and then I'd cease all contact with you and forget you existed. I'd make it abundantly clear what I thought of you, but not through words or physical actions

super147 · Answer

You say the love is still there but what value is this love to either of you if you just use it to hurt each other? Love is not enough on its own, you also need commitment and effort. Neither of you seem to be working together, you are just working against each other. Your relationship has become toxic and it is making neither of you happy.

I would suggest that you need to take some serious time apart and assess what you want from each other and what a relationship is supposed to be. A healthy relationship is not supposed to be an emotional roller coaster, it is supposed to be a safe haven, a place of balance and of reassurance. Yes, there will be some hard times on occasions but the overall theme is working together for common goals. I see none of that here.

MancGuyUK · Answer

You have really hurt him he has a right to be really angry with you some people do things in the heat of the moment but he should not spit in your face! like that and he should end it with you if he still loves you then he should not call you all that nasty stuff and if he can not get over the fact you had an affair with his friend then he needs to let you go

Anonymous · Answer

I think you need to initiate sex more with your boyfriend to try and see if that would still help repair the relationship. If that doesn't work, then ask him if there is really anything you can actually do or that he wants you to do to in order to make it up to him? Remind him that whatever has happened between you and his friend has already happened and that it cannot be changed. So ask him what else is there that you can do so that he would give you a second chance. Offer him more sex and take more initiative, if he's willing to give you a second chance then keep it going. Otherwise if you continue to feel unhappy, then why bother to continue staying in this relationship with him?

GreatnessBack · Answer

What's love got to do with it?
You two are not in it for love, you are in it because you have no where else to go to.
You cheated on him repeatedly and didn't have the heart to tell him, which hurts the most.
He is attacking you; spitting can be considered assault. He's two steps away from strangling your ass.
You two need to break up and break out.

FýrdracaDócincel · Answer

Fixing a relationship that was damaged by disloyalty is more trouble than it's worth. At this point, your relationship with him is like a person from TWD who was just bitten. If you don't shoot it in the head, it'll turn into something that will ruin everything for everyone.

jcoldstream · Answer

You need to ditch this foul mouthed lout immediately, go to the nearest bar and find a new boyfriend. I can lend you one if you have urgent needs. Don't take this sort of obscenity and insult. You're so far above him that you need a parachute.

Sara413 · Answer

Fucking drama... This relationship is over even if you guys don't officially end it for a while. There's no trust and with no trust there is no relationship.

Shangri-La · Answer

You both shouldn't be together. You have no control over your desires ,, and he has no control over his emotions. It's a combination that's heading for a toxic relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Continue having sex with your BFs best mate who's totally into you because everyone deserves to feel wanted in a relationship but when a partner neglects you, it's only human nature to look elsewhere by having your sexual needs met 😉

Don't feel guilty! This is perfectly normal and besides your boyfriend doesn't need to know what you do from here on because you're free from an unhealthy relationship!

You only live once so go have fun with this guy 😉 🍌 😘 👄 👅

SarahsSummer · Answer

You two need to take time apart and I'd suggest you stop hanging out with all his guy friends. Get some GIRL friends of your own.

Paultripp · Answer

U sgpnto love him at alll? Get real! And his forehand isn't a friend at all either.
You are a horrible person, so just walk. He will never get over this and it will never work. He lost his girl and his best friend. Basically a future home wrecker you are...

JoyGirl · Answer

Nope, it can't be fixed. Your relationship is already ruined. You were disloyal. Let him go so that he can move on, and be happy.

Ripper_E · Answer

If there is no trust, there is no relationship. You killed that trust when you cheated on him, in those significant occasions of all days.

Prof_Don · Answer

You had way too many instances of cheating, to be forgiven. This relationship is dead. Move on.

CorneliaUSA · Answer

There is no fixing needed. You must end this before the relationship becomes even MORE abusive!!!

Anonymous · Answer

tell him you're will to have a 3 sum with a female if he forgives you, i am sure he would be ok with it. if not, tell him every weekend for a month, 2 months a year etc

I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend, now he calls spits in my face and calls me a worthless whore, How should I fix this is relationship?

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