I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend, now he calls spits in my face and calls me a worthless whore, How should I fix this is relationship?

Anonymous
I cheated with his best friend. Actually, it was an affair drawn out over a month with 3 encounters. My boyfriend and I got into one of the worst fights of our relationship and stopped talking for 2 weeks. I told him that we needed to take it slow, but the pain he had caused me was forever lodged in my brain. The affair started Valentine's Day when I went out to a bar with my boyfriend's friends, without my boyfriend. I just needed a carefree night with people I trust. His friend started feeding me shots, followed me to the bathroom, and kissed me. He was best friends with my boyfriend, who I had told my fears about the relationship to. We slept together three times after that. I knew it was wrong, but that hour or two I spent with him made me forget about my problems. And as soon as I got in my car, the guilt and shame washed over me. I saw my boyfriend during this time period, but I refused to do anything sexual with him, saying I still needed time. The last time I saw his friend was on my boyfriend's birthday. I had brought my boyfriend out for a nice dinner, hung out with him, then went "home" when really I went to a party at his friend's house, where the rest of his friends were. When I got there, everything felt different. I was talking to the friend in the kitchen when he went in for a drunken kiss. As this was happening, one of my boyfriend's other best friends walked in and immediately walked out. I didn't want the kiss to happen. But I drank and ended up spending an hour with him afterward. The next day, my boyfriend called me. He came over and said he had found out that the friend and I had kissed. He was devastated. He went to see his friend, who then told him everything. He hates me but still loves me. He spits in my face, calls me a worthless whore, He refuses to end it with me, even though he says all these things. And I don't want to end it because I do love him more than anything. I don't trust him, he doesn't trust me, but the love is still there.
I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend, now he calls spits in my face and calls me a worthless whore, How should I fix this is relationship?
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