Did he really mean to break up?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone! Happy New Year! So I was in a relationship with a guy for two years. In the first 9 months we had some problems basically because of me. I had some relationship OCD but got into therapy. He was understanding and very kind. The last year of our relationship we were so happy and in love. When he was looking at me , he had tears in his eyes and telling how lucky he is to have me in his life. I felt the same. He made me a better person and also I made him a better person. So we learned things from each other and grew better. But there was one thing. We knew since the beginning that he was gonna go abroad for his master's. And we agreed that I will follow him when he felt ready. we spend one month of heavenly holidays together this summer. It was as if we felt in love again. And on September he left abroad. We were crying like children. He said that I was his life and that he felt strong next to me. And that we would make it work. But after 10 days of distance , we had some issues. I grew a bit insecure and he felt pressured by everything. NOTE : it was it's first time away from his family.. And he broke up with me by the phone. When asked, he admitted he still loved me madly and missed me and that I made him happy. He didn't even let me go see him because he felt he couldn't take it. he was crying because a family member of his got sick and just couldn't take it anymore and that he needs to stay alone. He said he took this decision because it had been built up. Now it's been 4 months I still dream that he comes back. I have dated others etc. But I just can't lose hope. I can't get over him. It didn't make any sense. He was so happy. I know he was. We were like kids together. It made sense. There was so much love and compassion. He admitted to me and I could see it in his eyes. Why? Is there a chance this is just a phase?

[Anonymous]

Honestly I think you are doing yourself no favors by actively choosing to hold on and turn what he said into a phase. He broke up with you so quickly because it was something he already wanted to do, and he gave you the closure of telling you this from his own mouth. It’s the same reason why he doesn’t want to see you, because he’s trying to be strong and stick to that decision. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, and I’m sure it’s hard for him too. But genuine love means being able to let that person go, even if you aren’t ready and even if it kills you inside. Will he come back? Honestly who knows, but you’re only going to make things harder for yourself than they already are by waiting. You’ve already wasted 4 months that you will never get back refusing to move on. Now it’s a new year, so I think you should start focusing on this healing chapter in your life. Trust me I know better than most how hard it is, I had to end a 4 1/2 year long relationship because the guy was moving for work. It’s one of the hardest pains in life to let go when you love them dearly. But you’re stronger than you think and you can get through it once you stop telling yourself that you can’t.

[Asker]

Thank you. It seems that you really understand what I am going through.. i have tried to move on.. i went on dates etc.. but my unconscious mind is doing other wise.. it just still doesn't make sense. It hurts so much.

[Asker]

I just don't think he wanted to do this already.. he didn't show any signs. He was keep saying how safe he felt in this relationship and how he truly believes we are going to work because there is no other way...

[Opinion Owner]

Since it’s only been 4 months, I don’t think going on dates has been or will be the best thing for you right now. Those men are just a distraction to pass time until hopefully he comes back, and that’s not the best way to deal with grief. You should spend this time single and accepting what’s happening in present time so that you can heal and live a good life right now. There’s absolutely no way to know if he will come back but reserving yourself for the faint possibility is torture you shouldn’t put yourself through.

[Opinion Owner]

Trust me I know how all of those confusing feelings can be, but you have to understand that just because he has so much love for you does not mean being in a relationship with you is the best thing for him right now. Telling yourself he didn’t mean it and constantly reminding yourself of all the lovey things he’s said rather than what he tried telling you to give closure will only keep you stagnant. The fact that he didn’t break up in a heat of the moment decision, but it’s been a thought of his puts a lot of your logic to rest. He needs this, even if it’s just for now. You can’t wait around though and lie to yourself, it’s time to accept his words, so you can heal. You don’t have to move on today, tomorrow, this week, etc, but that needs to be the goal you work towards for your own sanity.

[Asker]

Thank you. you are right... I have to heal alone..

[Opinion Owner]

You truly do. I noticed when coming back to this comment that you told someone else that you begged him, please don’t ever do that again, for him or anyone else. I know letting go and moving on is incredibly hard, but that’s a low that he should never see you in. Trying to reach out would only make that look sadder, and you don’t want him to return out of pity, when you have weak moments, remember that you begged and that wasn’t enough. I know as time passes some fear and anxiety sets in because you don’t want it to be over, you don’t want him to forget about you and you don’t want to lose all of that love. But you can’t be the only one fighting for it and you’ve tortured your soul long enough. It’s time to be strong, you can do it. Figure out why you felt like you needed him so much and heal that broken part of you even if it’s with therapy. Also, no worries! I’m wishing You the best on your healing journey. I promise it gets easier once you commit to accepting the current situation so the moving on can start.

[Guy13]

It sounds like he felt forced to with so much on his platter at one time. It’s a shame he couldn’t find school locally.

[Asker]

Exactly.. i feel like his mother made him or something...

[Guy13]

The over involved momma boys. Probably better you did not…

[Summeroflove]

He broke up. It sucks. But there isn’t much you can do. Yeah he purposely broke up

[Shamalien]

I am in a similar situation with my ex. I pray we can be together again someday x. x it just makes no sense how we were so in love and then she did this. I know she was dealing with a lot of family issues at the time though so I kind of understand

[Asker]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you and we find the strength to move on and heal..
It's so painful

[Shamalien]

It really is 😭 she literally told me she loved me for the first time, like 5 times as she was breaking up with me. I’m still so confused. She’s just a mess

[Rainbow_Warming]

Probably

[Iron_Man]

Call him

[Asker]

Why? Say the same things? I begged him.. he wasn't changing his mind..

[Iron_Man]

Try again

[In_Trance]

Yeah

[Asker]

What?

[Teriyaki70]

Give it time

[Asker]

You think he will come back?

[Teriyaki70]

No telling but waiting a couple months might give him time to go through whatever he is going through

[Asker]

It's already been 4 months of no contact.. i know for a fact he came back for the holidays.. but nothing..

[Teriyaki70]

Oh. Well I'd reach out then if nothing it's over. He's not the one