My son's dad/ ex refuses to have a mature conversation about our past relationship and if we are on the same page, today?

[Anonymous]

My son's dad and ex is wanting to co-parent with me but he sometimes flirts with me and gets a bit weird.

I've asked him multiple times if we can have a mature talk about our past and about how we both feel today, so that we can both be on the same page, but, he refuses to have that conversation.

He either ignores my messages or changes the subject.

Why is he doing this?

It's making co-parenting difficult for me cause I feel really uncomfortable when we are both spending time with our son (our son is only 6months so almost all the time I am present)

Why does he not want to have that conversation? We broke up over a year ago and we should be able to have these conversations now, that we have a son.

Why do you think a guy would refuse to have that conversation?

[SueShe]

He is not ready to have a serious conversation because the current situation is fine by him.

Having a serious conversation about you and your child would mean that he needs to take his responsibility; something is not ready or willing to do.

Oh, don't you worry. He will take his responsibility but only when your son is much older (3-4 years of age). He realizes that if he takes his responsibility now, he is obliged to act as an adult in a period of time when babies are uninteresting because they are more of a burden than anything else for men.

Once you have done all the "dirty" job to clean, educate and care for the baby, he will want to claim his share and initiate contact. He will also not hesitate to tell you how bad of a job you have done bringing up the kid by yourself.

[Asker]

Wow. I think you hit the nail on the head.

[SueShe]

Just ensure that you set the record straight and that you will do whatever it takes to keep custody of your child later on when he decides it is time to take him away from you.

Perhaps you can seek legal counseling about what you can do about it. Just don't say anything to the father of your baby because he could hold it against you.

[Keishio]

But he's wanting to co parent right now? The child doesn't sound like the issue if that's the case. Maybe he's not ready to fully accept the break up

[SueShe]

@Keishio If he is not ready to fully accept the break up, then why does he refuse to talk about it on a serious basis? To me, that is the behavior of a person that is afraid to commit or to accept the consequences of his actions.

[Keishio]

I agree but of course I'm only speculating from my own experiences. My last relationship was with someone I was whole heartedly in love with but it didn't work out, she wanted to remain friends and often texted me, I tried to keep it going but switching my language from talking to my partner to suddenly talking to just a friend was too painful so I cut off contact so I could heal. If we had a child together that wouldn't be possible which might be the position he's in. Maybe it hurts too much right now having to hold back from treating you the way he wants. If this is somewhat the case then I don't think anyone is in the wrong, it's just messy because of feelings.

[AydenHazor]

He probably still likes you and is afraid that if you have a conversation and set boundaries he'll lose any chance he has at getting back together with you. It's still an important conversation to have. If he can't respect your boundaries, you may need to establish separate parenting times where you each have your child separate from the other and are not spending time together assist from the transition.

[slatyb]

The only topic of interest is how you are going to co-parent your son. Your past relationship is over.

[Asker]

That's exactly what I want to discuss with him.
No flirting. No 'I hope all 3 of us can spend a weekend together'.
None of that.
I want to understand how he feels and I want him to understand how I feel but he refuses to hear me out or tell me anything!

[Asker]

I understand what you are saying but it is a deep worry of mine that he is only co-parenting so that he can get back together with me. He says strange things all the time like 'i want to stay the night's and 'i want us to all go away together'. If I knew where his head was at then maybe I'd feel more comfortable, I almost want to go to court because he refuses to have a serious talk about this.

[Asker]

*night

[slatyb]

You can't make him have a talk about it. You can repeatedly be firm in refusing. Why are you even discussing this? I understand your son is too young for unsupervised visitation. Maybe someone else could be there with your son and your ex?

[Anonymous]

Have the son till he is 3, once he is 3 the dad should see him 3 times a week

[Iron_Man]

Go to counseling with him

[Noah-z]

Why did you break up?

[Asker]

We broke up during my pregnancy because he had serious insecurity issues and kept thinking the baby wasn't his, the arguments were getting so bad that I started bleeding, I had to get away from him so I moved towns to be with my family. After I had the baby, we did a DNA test (which was so unnecessary) once it was confirmed his he was keen to start co-parenting.

[Asker]

Since the DNA test he has talked and treated me exactly the same as he did when we were together but, hasn't attempted anything physical. I'm so confused. I talk to him professionally but he sends me love hearts and Says things like 'I miss the both of you and I wanna spend my time with the both of you'. And I really don't feel comfortable with all of that, I've asked if we can talk about boundaries and about where we are both at but he refuses, why would he do that? It's so confusing.