Is it wrong to pay with money all the pain that I caused to someone I love physically and emotionally?

[cedanor]

My husband and I are separated. He went to the Army and will file a divorce when he comes back. I am truly sorry for bad reactions that I had and I told him how sorry I am. But, I don't know how to demonstrate him that. He left a lot of debts and I feel like if I pay it I am showing to him that I care for him with actions. If he does not want to forgive and still want to divorce at least that help will be like a reward for what happened.

[Stevefiveo]

Umm when you are married debts are shared. If either one is in debt and can't pay before you get divorced, then you have to declare bankruptcy before you get divorced. So, you are wasting your money repaying the debt. Besides paying off his debt and not going to win his heart back. You need a better plan.

[cedanor]

I hit him in three different occasions. The first two times we always manage things in private. And, on the third one we got our families involved and let them know why we were separating. We spend two months trying to figure out things and I advised him to go with me to couple counseling and he did not want to. Right now I am taking therapy for myself to manage whatever anger issues I have, but he decided to go to the Army and to end up our relationship. I love him a lot still and I miss him so much. Right now he is uncommunicated due to the training but he told me before he left that his feeling went away and that he was not coming back with me. I feel terrible and I now he have all the reasons to leave but he can't see his on mistakes and provocations. And since I want him back right now I am ignoring all his mistakes and focus on my own ones because I know violence is not okay and he is totally right. It has been a real struggle and his coming back in 7 months to divorce me. And I don't know what to do..

[Stevefiveo]

Hmm, yeah I don't think I would come back after being hit either. But, I think you are on the right path with your anger management therapy. I would send him a massage that you are doing therapy and that you will do anything to win him back. Go to the gym and get your body in shape. Tell him that you want to show him and that you want to be his sex slave. Learn about the life of a submissive wife and show him that you will do anything to win him back. That would definitely get my attention enough to see if you've changed enough.

[cedanor]

He got me blocked 😓 And he went to the Army, he don’t want to know anything about me..

[Stevefiveo]

Sorry. He is going to have to eventually talk to you if he wants a divorce.

[cedanor]

I know. I keep thinking what else can I do… Like you said I need a plan. If you have any more ideas let me know! I will appreciate this is my life I really want to show him that I’m changing and that he can trust me.

[Stevefiveo]

Well kinda good. This will give you more time to write your letter and how you want to win him back. So when he does contact you, you will be ready. You can pm me if you want me to read it and make suggestions

[Anonymous]

Nothing you can do. No 'good guy' is gonna deal with being hit by his girl. Those women are huge liabilities. He's going to divorce you no matter what so my advice would be to stop thinking you can fix this one with money, especially if it's a repeating problem and think about what you plan to do next now that you will be single again.

[Sasha0426]

So you’re abusive and trying to buy his love? And the only reason you want him back is so you can continue to abuse him. This is why he’s far away from you and never want to be with you ever again.

[cedanor]

Is not like I want to buy his love, I want him to see I care. I feel ashamed and so sorry for my actions. I’m getting help and I asked him for help too for both of us because we both were emotionally unstable and before those problems we used to be so happy and supportive. We had a lot of financial problems, stress from work, I am studying too and we are so young in a marriage. It has been really hard. But, I do love him and care for him. I know that what I did was not okay. But I am so soo sorry 😔

[Sasha0426]

Once you put your hands on someone they will NEVER want to go back to you.

[Sasha0426]

You basically put that fear into him that you’ll hit him again for whatever reason you see fit. You can say you’re sorry and all that shit, but that means absolutely nothing to him.

[cedanor]

I can’t get over him he is my first marriage we have a 3 year relationship and only 1 year married. We are both 23 and I decided to get marry to help him with his papers and as soon as he got his conditional residency he stop caring and working with me to fix the relationship and that just got me a mix of emotions because I married him so we can grow together and for him to have the same opportunity that I have. And after we started living together, a year after things changed we stopped enjoying the little moments and we only cared about paying bills etc.. and all those problems got us to this level but I know I fucked up when I touched him. But now I miss him so much and he is far away hating me.

[Sasha0426]

And that’s exactly what you deserve. He’ll never want you back.

[cedanor]

I want him to forget me and I am hoping and praying that time will heal our pain and that he will change his mind about divorcing. But he is firm with his decision! 😓 and no one can be able to change his mind.. I feel desperate sometimes

[Sasha0426]

He’ll never forget the fact that you hit him. He’ll use that to encourage himself to find someone better and stay away from you completely. He doesn’t want to be abused ever again by you.

[Sasha0426]

Like I said, once you put your hands on someone, they’re done with you for good.

[Sasha0426]

And you can say, “Oh, he made mistakes too blah blah blah.” I’m sure he can admit that, but that’s such a typical abuser thing to say. You don’t want people to focus on you hitting him. Also, you said you can move past his mistakes but you want him to move past you hitting him. Abuse it’s not something people will forget and you can’t expect them to.

[cedanor]

What happened already happened I can only change the future and work on myself. I’m looking for solutions.

[Sasha0426]

Great for you but he’s never going to want you back. Deal with it. You scarred him for ever wanting to continue this marriage.

[cedanor]

Because every action cause a reaction, I used to think that he was the one with a bad tongue saying things he shouldn't and everytime that I was trying to leave to avoid a fight he used to hold me instead of giving me space. I am a person wo talks A LOT and he was not leaving me alone when I needed. All I know is that we both did wrong but I did worst I'm not denying that. All I want is a good strategy to win him back, I know is not easy and it seems impossible but we used to be one in everything, there was a lot of love.

[Sasha0426]

You might as well forget about winning him back. He’ll never want to be in a relationship with an abuser.

[Anonymous]

Not wrong. Pay and let him have some peace and let him decide what to do later