Is it ok to never forgive someone that hurt you badly?

[Anonymous]

There is one specific person I'll never forgive. He knew exactly what he was doing, was very calculating, ruined my best years, nearly made my parents divorce and got someone to defame my father's character. He even dropped subtle hints (ex: pressuring me to research about my father's living will later on) that he wanted my grandma and parents dead.

I believe this is my breaking point of forgiving. I can't ever find myself forgiving such person even if they were begging. Is it ok to never forgive someone that purposely hurt you badly?

[TheVigilantOne]

I’ve never forgiven my father for all the abuse he gave me I’d never forgive my abusive ex either who tried to kill me.


For me forgiveness is saying “oh don’t worry it’s ok you tried to kill me I don’t mind” nah bugger that, you hurt me and made my life unbearable I’m never forgiving you for that ever.

[Asker]

Exactly. I can't forgive him ever. If I forgive it, just like you... it would be like telling him ''Oh I forgive you for wanting my family dead, oh I forgive for killing/wasting my youthful/prime years, for lying about wanting marriage and kids, for faking a future with me, for lying about everything, for destroying my best years, etc
Nope... may he have a miserable life while I succeed in my new relationship.

[Asker]

What happened to us is way worse a partner cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't forgive a pos like that either.

[Asker]

Indeed. Some things in life are just unforgivable. What he did is actually way worse than cheating on a partner. He cheated me out of a life.

[Opinion Owner]

Agree, people like that are evil.

[Asker]

Now I'm very creeped out thinking that he would've also wanted me dead too, to collect my money. Nearly the very end (when he started revealing himself more), he said he was after business and pleasure.
I figured out his plan and goals. He didn't want to marry me to have kids. He wanted me to marry me once I became a wealthy business woman and a professional woman (I would've been in my 40's by then and unable to have kids) and collect money. So he would've wanted me dead and since I know Judo skills and not an easy target, my mother theorizes that he would've been more clever, made it look like an accident and gotten away with it.
OK PURE EVIL

[normalice]

I'd recommend never forgiving. Indeed, that someone would even ask for forgiveness is, at best, just them saddling you with their guilt expecting you to make them feel better, and at worst a conscious attempt to manipulate you into coming back so it's easier for them to take more. Forgiveness is pointless if it is required. They need to reorder their life around not being that person and, most importantly, they need to figure out that they should want to do it without your spurring or approval.

On the other hand, obsessing over them asking for forgiveness so you can say no is time consuming and will thus just be another thing of yours they consume. It's best to just write them off as a shit person and focus on letting yourself better appreciate those in your life who are not shit.

[Asker]

He's been blocked forever from my life. He'll never be accepted nor welcome in my family nor group friends either.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. You certainy cannot, and shouldn't, forget the evil that another person has caused in your life.

2. The purpose of forgiving is NOT to give the other person something to which they are entitled. It is to allow you to let go of your seething anger so that your anger doesn't take over and define your life.

3. Forgiving is not something that you do that acknowledges that the other person is okay, or that what they did is okay. It is just a way of saying, "I'm not going to keep you on my front burner because I want to move forward with my life instead of looking back and being fixated on the harm you've caused."

4. Can you let go of the anger without actually forgiving the person?

[AsaKyo]

Look, I can't forgive someone who caused me so much emotional, mental and physical pain for years on end. I don't give a fuck what anyone says, you cannot just go, "Oh yeah, it's okay you put me through all that, no biggie". You don't do that shit, it's fuckin' dumb.

[Asker]

Exactly. What my ex boyfriend did was a lot way worse than just getting cheated on. Honestly, even a person that cheated on their partner once but regrets it sounds like a saint in comparing to what he did to me and my family. People on this site and others say cheating is the worst thing you can ever do to someone you love. I think not. Let see here:
- He scammed me with money, that's over $1,200 he still owes me... check
- He faked an entire friendship, relationship and future with me... check
- He used his infertility to lie to me and other women about wanting kids and marriage... check
- He dropped hints in wanting my grandma and parents dead... check
- He basically used me for both sex and money, wanting to get 1/2 of my assets... check
- He made a friend send my mom a nasty message about my father... check
- He nearly made my mother filed for divorce, believing in that false allegation (my dad cried)... cried
- He made me depressed and caused so much mental distress... check
- He kept in contact with me too much as a way for me to avoid meeting others... check
- He purposely wasted my best, fertile years... check
- By the time I became a successful business woman and professional chef he wanted, I wouldn't be able to have kids anymore (I would've been in my 40's by then) and he would've only married me for that reason, purposely ignoring my wishes to be a mother... check

I believe that has to be 100x times worse than a man cheating on me with another woman... he cheated me out of a life. I've never detested someone so much in my life. To my parents, to my grandma and others... he's dead to us.

[Asker]

My mother nearly wanted to filed for divorce due to a false allegation he and his female friend made, check.
He caused my mother's health to deteriorate. She was suffering the longer he was keeping me in the relationship. She hated him so much. Check

[AsaKyo]

I'm sorry that all that happened to you. I hope that you and your family are in a better place now and that he is gone for good. My ex used to beat me physically, and cause me emotional and mental distress and would try to keep me away from people important to me and turn me against them.

I'm sure things will be better for future. <3

[Asker]

Thank you. Yes he's been blocked from my life and I'm now in a new relationship for nearly 10 months now. We actually met in Judo classes.
How are you doing? Are you safe now, away from him? Is he in jail? That's where he belong. I wish I were there so I can give him good beating myself with my new skills lol.

[AsaKyo]

Yes, he's gone and out of my life. He ended up moving to Michigan to live out his druggie dream bs with his dad, so it's all good now. Haven't seen him since graduation.

[Asker]

Good to hear. You'll find better. My mother and I analyzed the situation and it's even more scary. Lets say I would've become a wealthy businesswoman and professional chef like he wanted (he was after business and pleasure... that was his own words at the very ending)... my mother believed he would've wanted me dead at some point too and since I'm physically stronger and skillful than other women, he would've made it look like an accident and gotten away with it. Creepy. Wow evil.

[PathanHKhan]

No, cause that's not even possible! At the end of the day, you will forgive that person no matter what. Like if someone stole you say headphones, and you're hella mad at them. But after 2 or 3 years, you daily seeing that person, it will build a guilt in you and you will be like "Fuzz! Imma be a grown-ass man/woman and just forgive him, cause what's it gonna do to me?"

Then comes the interesting part. The person betrays you again, yup, it happens a lot. Then, there's a higher chance than before that you'll never forgive them.

That's a different situation if someone killed one of your loved ones, or did what cannibals do, some inhumane things. That's a matter that everyone knows how going to end.

[Asker]

He's been blocked on all my pages, blocked from my life and isn't ever welcome in my family.

[serious]

Of course it is perfectly fine. It is always okay.

[Agape93]

Of course. Nobody is owed forgiveness and nobody is obligated to give it.

[Anonymous]

She caused me so much hurt heartbreak pain suffering and endless torture that i will NEVER forgive her

[Asker]

Same thing with him. He even had the nerve to wish me a happy b-day on April on my Whatsapp. I blocked that number too. Wow this sadistic narcissists are just evil. They already used you, destroyed your years, caused so much damage and still think they are entitled to even greet you on your b-day. The nerve...

[Opinion Owner]

I never even got that much from her

[Steamnir]

You dont need to forgive but have some pitty over a person who life fuc*ed him up too much that he ends up doing that

[Asker]

That's like an excuse. There are many other people that got abused and had a miserable childhood but they don't ruin other people's lives.
Nope, I'll never forgive him.

[JamesRandiDebates]

I see no reason to forgive anyone who doesn't ask for it after apologizing and making things right. I find it easier to just remove bad people from my life.

[Asker]

Even if he did apologize, there is no way I'll ever forgive him. Forgive him for wanting my family dead, for using me for money too, for wasting/ruining my best years, for faking a future with me, for cheating me out of a life (where I could've been married with a child already), for lying about everything even his own age, etc. NOPE NEVER

[Asker]

I call that evil.

[JamesRandiDebates]

Then best for you to remove him from your life and not dwell on it.

[Amarah0]

Yes. Hold the grudge

[Asker]

For the longest I thought cheating was the most emotional harm you can do to a partner but nope. He did a lot worse than cheating. It reached to the level of evil.

[panamared1]

forgiving helps you heal, but never forget

[Asker]

That's the only person I don't find myself ever forgiving. I find everything he did unforgivable.

[panamared1]

holding that only hurts you not them

[Fuentes]

Yes it's fine

[Asker]

Yes. Honestly even a remorseful cheater seems like a saint in comparing to what he did.

[Fuentes]

Sounds like a stupid narcissist

[Asker]

A monster. Lets say I would've become a professional chef and wealthy business woman he wanted... then my mother actually believes he would've wanted me dead at some point too and would've made it look like an accident. Wow... evil. My psychologist referred to him as a sociopathic-narcissist.

[Fuentes]

That's what he sounds like right out of the movies sociopath but most severe narcissist are

[Asker]

The irony is long ago we used to talk about the topic of psychopaths, sociopaths and evil people. He didn't sound like one when talking. Yet I was talking to one the whole time for years. Needless to say I'm still shocked to even think about it.
I think one of the very few signs was when he once told me he can watch a horrible news (ex: of a man getting brutally decapitated in real life) without being traumatized nor shocked and continue watching it as if nothing happened. I should've listened to that sign.

[Asker]

Yet he was against animal abuse and always preached about god. He was the typical person that always said ''God bless you'' to you but wow evil still.

[PetiteBabe64]

Some people use scripture to Justify evil.

[Asker]

@PetiteBabe64
Come to think about it, my evil ex boyfriend reminds me of Frollo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame movie. He was the personification of evil disguised as a ''devoted, religious and believer in God'' man.