If someone purposely wronged you badly, is it also ok to NEVER forgive?

[Vesuvius87]

Many people preach about forgiving and letting go for yourself. What if you've chosen to block them permanently and never forgive? That's also a choice.

These are my 3 categories:
Mild incidents... I can let it slide afterall everyone makes mistakes
Moderate, debatable... you should've thought about it, I'm debating whether to forgive or not
Serious/severe... don't even show your face, you've been blocked permanently

Serious things are harming my family, purposely faking a future (faking love), cheating, stealing from me, etc. Harming, cheating or using people aren't an ''oops, I've made a mistake'' thing. Is it ok not to forgive too if they've wronged you badly?

Yes, there is a limit to forgiving

No, you must always forgive no matter what

Other

Updates

1 y

The way it works with me is once you've wronged me, you don't get to choose anymore and I don't care about your apology. You're not in control anymore. Only I get to choose to forgive or not.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

There's a limit to forgiveness.

I had to learn that the hard way, early in life with my abusive mother and enabling father.

I'm no contact with my mother, and may need to go from no contact to low contact with my father.

For me, it's going to be vital not to forgive my father for his attempts to bring me back into an abusive family.

But I do want to see if I can tolerate his presence. I want to be involved in a group he's been part of as long as I have. But I have to remember never to trust, believe, or listen to him.

He will be like an acquaintance.

But no, I will not forgive him. Not now, perhaps not ever.

He is my father. I communicated as much as I could before we went no contact and he still never acknowledged or changed his enabling and abusive approach.

We must both deal with that consequence. I know forgiving him will only lead to him thinking he can start manipulating me again.

[Vesuvius87]

True. I don't believe in forgiving everyone nor in turning the other cheek. Abusing someone isn't a mistake. They know very well you're hurting you and don't care.
If I were you I would continue NC with the mother and limited contact with the father. Being an enabler of abuse but not doing the abuse... I think I would place that under the moderate category. They still didn't defend you when you needed it. They knew doing nothing kept the abuse going on.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Oh for sure. My mother will never be in contact with me and neither know where I live.

My father told me he only entertained a relationship with me to pull me back into my mother's control. I asked if he knew he was asking me to submit to an abusive parent in order to make him happy, he affirmed that was exactly what he wanted.

So there's no more relationship there. He's a sperm donor to the birth giver, that's all.

They weren't ready to marry, weren't ready for a child, and weren't ready to parent.

They don't get an adult child in their life. They didn't earn the right.

[jennifer_bloom]

My Christian theory is that a person who does great harm will be punished or penalized regardless of whether or not you forgive them, your forgiveness simply releases you from being emotionally bound to the anger and unhappiness you feel at what happened and the bible says God does compensate victims in his own time, usually in this life and sometimes in the next, the only loss is the compensation is sometimes delayed so you aren’t immediately rewarded for your pain.

[Anonymous]

Once bitten twice shy. I forgive only once.. I never forget. If they wrong me again they are dead to me. I won't even stop if I saw them burning alive on the side of the road in their car.

[Vesuvius87]

Yeah if I see someone on my serious/severe category all homeless and asking for help, I wouldn't care. I would be walking away as if they never existed. May they continue being miserable.

[Vesuvius87]

Some offenses are so major that it's not even a yellow card offense but an immediate red card.

[Opinion Owner]

Agreed

[Waldoe]

holding on to the bad feelings does Nothing to the person that you hate... it only poisons you... the other person does Not care...

[Aerissa_Jade]

Usually forgiving is to your own benefit, more than theirs but there are cases where its okay not to. I can't say I will ever forgive my rapist... not a chance.

Family members though, yeah I will, even if I never want to do anything with them again, I'll forgive and avoid them.

I see it as, I can forgive you but I don't have to put myself in a situation to be hurt by you again.

[mandyfire98]

It is perfectly acceptable to not forgive and hold a grudge.

[Vesuvius87]

True. The moment they wronged you is the moment they forfeited their rights to decide what to do. Now it's not up to them to decide when things can be worked out or ever if possible. The ball is in our court now.

[menina]

Yes I think it is. To me it depends on who wronged me and what they did or say. Some things are forgivable while others aren't.

[Vesuvius87]

True. I consider abuse, cheating, faking futures or love (ex: lovebombing women and continue purposely making them have hopes of kids and marriage), harming one's family, scamming, etc to be very unforgivable.

[menina]

I absolutely agree with you. Unfortunately some people do some of these things with no regrets.

[Rebecka33]

this has happened to me probably more then most and i have a hard time forgiving I know god wants us to forgive those that have hurt us so itry hard to do it even if they don't deserve it.

[Blackcosmo]

You have the right to not forgive someone who wronged you. If you keep forgiving, it will never end.

[Vesuvius87]

Yeah I think there are some things that are really unforgivable.

[Blackcosmo]

Definitely.

[Tamera952]

Of course, you can let go, without forgiving.