What helped you see your break up in a new light?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Recently, an interesting realization came to my mind.

My ex fiance broke up with me because our relationship didn’t make him happy anymore, cause it was long distance and he was frustrated and unhappy, so was I, but I had all my emotional needs met, he was overly frustrated for his sexless life though and it was impossible for us to meet for a long time cause his country didn’t allow any of us to enter or leave.

So… He stayed in a relationship as long as he could, he waited for me for a long time, called me everyday and made me feel loved and cared for, however eventually he got tired and chose his happiness.

For a long time I felt angry, upset, betrayed.

Recently, I did something that helped me see his perspective.

5 months ago I got friends with a girl whose presence in my life made both of our lives cheerful and adventurous, until she didn’t move in with me, she wanted to leave in two weeks but kept on living with me for 4 months, cause I made her feel very comfy and she just felt home and felt happy with me. I, though, didn’t have my needs of solitude met, I need to be alone sometimes, I don’t like having someone live with me all the time, I need privacy. I got more & more frustrated and felt moody, I tried to still be good to her though and tried not to hurt her. I gave her some suggestions to find her own apartment when I got fed up, but 3 weeks after I asked her to find her own apartment and she still didn’t find it, I felt fed up, and told her I changed the locks and it was time for her to find her own apartment because I felt unhappy uncomfortable and like she wanted to live on my expense.

She was surprised, it was unexpected for her, she thought we were both happy, but I wasn’t and told her about that in the past.

I only told her about moving out, after I got too frustrated about us and I got to the point where I didn’t care if our friendship lasted longer, because I felt like I continually sacrificed my comfort for her to be happy.

Updates

11 mo

Now that I kind of “kicked out” a person who I cared for from my house, I understand how it must feel to leave someone you care for, when you feel continually frustrated and the relationship can’t provide you with happiness anymore, sometimes you have to choose your happiness and no longer sacrifice it for someone else’s happiness.

Yes, I didn’t dump my ex romantically, but I did something similar to this girl, for whom I was a stable and a trustworthy friend and her home.

Updates

11 mo

I feel a bit guilty but I don’t regret but I just couldn’t stand living with someone else anymore and I lived in huge discomfort in the last 4 months. In a way, I am mot much different from my ex, I did something similar. 


I understand him now! I can sympathize to what he must have felt when he made this decision! And I don’t blame him anymore.

So, what’s something that helped you see your break up in a different light?

[Friendlybro79]

After breaking up with someone a while ago, I felt bad for really upsetting her. Wee were young and she kept talking about marriage really early on, and I had told her I numerous times, that it wasn't in my plans.

She used to laugh it off, had serious conversations around it, and let her know I wasn't changing my mind. We stayed together for a year because we were young. I remember telling her if you don't want to be in a relationship with me anymore I'll understand and she kept pretending like she could change my mind. I thought it was cruel to stay with her and finally broke up with her. She was so surprised and wouldn't stop calling me for months.

It was so hard to stay nice, but I did. I let her know that I wouldn't be able to stay friends any longer because she wouldn't let me go and said I will no longer answer any form of communication, advised to her to live her life, meet someone new and move on.

I stayed out of a relationship for a long time and a year later, I get a call from a random number. It's my ex and she called to say thank you and that she met someone and was engaged. At first I thought she was running it in my face, which honestly I didn't care, but she wasn't. She realized it wasn't fair to expect me to continue in a relationship.

She thanked me because me being honest and direct allowed her to meet someone and move on. I was happy for her. I told her that I was so sorry at the time that it seemed harsh when I said no more friendship and move on but she said I was right. It was such a nice conversation and that made me feel better about my break up. Sometimes doing a tough thing is the right thing even when it doesn't feel like it in the moment.

[spartan55]

That's something I wouldn't have connected, but the comparison is good. I did long distance for 10 months before moving to live with my then - fiance. It only worked because: we were engaged, I had a hard deadline that I made to relocate (whether my house had sold yet or not), I had the means to travel monthly to visit her, and we had strong trust and comnunication. Sorry I went a bit off topic there.

[Paris13]

Eight Months Ago, Having Moved to a New part of my State, I Realized in my Own LDR (Together Nearly 4 Years This Week) I Wanted to be Free. We Fought a Lot and it Became Toxic. Today, I realized I could Reallly Break Free when I took Him off of My Chat Section. lol And Vented Some More. xxoo

[Paris13]

Thanks, Gag. xxoo

[Sparkie460]

You finally got her to move out? Did she move in with one of the " sugar daddies "?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

She moved in with her new boyfriend 😁

I chose a good time to send her out, she was staying over with him and that’s when I told her to move out and that I changed locks, so the guy felt responsible to offer her to move in. Not my responsibility anymore, he can at least enjoy a good sex and a girlfriend, for me there was no benefit with this roommate thing.

[dudeinohio]

I just always figure I can find someone new