If a spouse has never been abusive, verbally or physically, and they've never cheated, but for whatever the reasons, the couple can't seem to get along, do you think irreconcilable differences are enough to call it quits or do think couples in general just take the easy way out because they don't want to work harder at making their marriage work.
yeah if it's really irreconcilable. i think if a person keep finding loopholes on you and doesn't appreciate the person that yoy are and expect yoy to understand him even without verbal communication then hatw yoy and punished yoy and always pointinh out a lot of your physical appearance that your head is too small, eyes too big or your eyes bulginh or you're too fat just like my recent dreqm or your face looks like an alien or ypur eyes look angry only whwn you show him the yt music video of Mr.2 with that first or second girl that angsty look is actually a thinh
when he doesn't like your posture because you slouch and again making fun of your weight, even when opening your mouth when shocked yoy are ugly although this is not in my dream
then yoyr height is tol short compare to his ex he ask somwone a boy and a girl sweet together walkinh in front of yoy to show it and then when you react yoy are a bitch, while fallinh in line to a food there's a couple in my back sayinh i love yoy ro each other obviously teyinh to annoy me and make me envious of them and then ask someone again to pretend on a call and say i'm gettinh fat when i know my countrymen very well i know what's usual and unusual convo
i shared that his ex and best friend is anninh to kill him and me because of a dream but instead i am the horrible person and the killwr who has an evil mind
apart from my ocd feeling hopeless i havw to endure all the worst kind of bullyinb. apart from that he also want to have some hold on me maybe doing a live show for him. i am a servqnt of God dude just step away from a convent or probably do premarital sec THE PROBLEM WITH YKY DUDE IS IT SEEMS YLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND I AM NOW DOUBTING YOU ARE MY SOULMATE maybe you're juat someone who heaven is helping me to know youe mind because heaven knows when ot comes to romantic love i am crazy and stupid.
They can but I would wonder how they even got married if they can't get along and work on the issues. That sounds like a pathetic reason. In that case then might as well just stay in the dating stage where you can break up for anything, don't get marry and don't give the rest of us a bad name. In that case I believe the one asking for divorce shouldn't get a single dime.
I believe the two valid reasons to terminate a marriage are:
- You're a real abused victim
- You got proofs of their infidelity
I used to think it was strange that "irreconcilable differences" was so often the reason cited for divorce. Then once I was watching a tv show and they mentioned that the couple got divorced due to "irreconcilable differences" and they flashed the legal form up on the screen. Turns out there were only two boxes that could have been checked for "reason for divorce." One was the aforementioned "irreconcilable differences" and the other was "incurable insanity." Suddenly it became VERY clear why you always hear about "irreconcilable differences.
I've never been divorced, so having read this, I was just curious to look up what are the actual reasons to file, and this is what the internet said, at least for my state:
Adultery or cheating
Bigamy
Desertion
Mental incapacity at time of marriage
Marriage between close relatives
Impotence at time of marriage
Force or fraud in obtaining the marriage
Criminal conviction and/or imprisonment
Mental or physical abuse
Drug or alcohol addiction
Mental illness
Nice! Yeah--I'd guess it varies from state to state. I have no idea what document I was looking at and it was years ago, so it may have changed since then. To be fair it seems that "irreconcilable differences" could've just been a catch all term to pick up most of what your state has on that list.
u I think that people enter marriage with an expectation that every day will be like a picnic in the park and, at the first sign of trouble, they decide the marriage was a mistake. . . instead of working on their marriage. I stayed in am unhappy marriage for 17 years because I refused to quit, but then she filed for divorce.
However, if people are unhappy with each other and don’t want to be together, I don’t see what good is accomplished by denying them a divorce.
This question popped in my head because I overheard this group at lunch talking about how young people just give up on marriage every single second. Their words, "they get in one fight, then pull the plug---what happened to those vows they made in front of God." I think marriage as they know it honestly was a lot different though. You had a lot of people who were told they couldn't leave in some really nasty situations and society backed that up and made people feel less than for calling it quits, so more people stayed I think more so for religious reasons or out of fear of failure or societal rebuke. I think marriage back then is how a lot of people "remember" their youth---this idealic time, where everyone in their age bracket was perfect, society just worked, and no one put a foot wrong. I mean for one there was no internet, full stop. The effects of that alone have had a dramatic impact on dating/marriage. Rambling...long story, long, life is too short to be unhappy. Hopefully you got a chance to find happiness again after divorce.
I got engaged two months ago. There is nothing wrong with marriage; you just need to have the right partner as your spouse. I think I have found the right one!
Congrats to you!
Thanks!
Opinion
33Opinion
Yup, have you ever tried to compromise with someone who is unwilling to give an inch... but wants the whole mile?
Chemistry is Not There. Good Excuse to Divorce. xxoo
I think it is a very poor excuse indeed but inevitable now because marriage is simply not conceived as a whole of life thing. The later is the main problem. There were a lot of social prohibitions on divorce but not now.
Milk bottles versus milk cartons is a good analogy. Milk bottles were efficient as they were recycled and delivered to the door. But milk cartons changed the economics. People started to thrown out milk bottles as they did milk cartons and that destroyed the economics. with reduced recycling milk bottles became too expensive cw milk cartons. People were happy to go to the store cw with having it delivered to the door.
Marriages have become a bit like that as it has become easier to throw out and get a new one.
At the end of the day if irreconcilable differences was not allowed then one party could just cheat and force it.
Interesting analogy, but I also think people have a rosy view of marriage in days past. They love to say, see how long marriages lasted back then vs now, it was so much better then, but society was a hell of a lot different then. Essentially there was no where to go and society/religion were stronger forces upon marriage in that you just didn't do it, it's not something done, God doesn't condone of divorce, etc. but that doesn't mean these were all happy marriages. On top of that, women often had no means of employment and children to feed, so even if they needed to leave, how would they even do it?
I do agree that there are quite a few people who don't understand the concept of working it out and think marriage is like dating where things go wrong, boom they're out at the first issue (not including abuse/infidelity), but what's the point of spending years being miserable if you are and no one is talking or budging on whatever is causing you to be that way? How is that a life well run? Don't get me wrong, I'm a STRONG advocate for fighting for your marriage, but if I see someone has really tried everything and nothing is working, I'm an equally strong advocate for going and finding happiness beyond a divorce.
I don't think there is a great deal of difference between us. Certainly there were very strong forces against divorce but that does not mean marriages were happy. There where indeed less employment opportunities for women as jobs were strongly muscle based. There simply weren't that many jobs for women after the Industrial Revolution destroyed spinning and weaving as an income earner.
I think the fact is that marriage was more functional back then whereas it is more of a lifestyle choice now from an individual viewpoint. The economics alone tended to support enduring marriages and it is still economically superior to a single life. I'd agree with your view that if a marriage is miserable why would either partner endure that?
I'd only question where the fault line is. Are the partners yelling at each other in frequent fights. Or has the partner just become a lump on the couch that you walk around i. e they are boring.
Is boring a good reason for divorce is the question I'll throw back to you? It is not exactly unhappy but is no longer exciting or pleasurable. Your thoughts?
My net position is marriage is no longer viable, especially from a male view, because of the costs. From the milk bottle analogy If 10% of marriages end in divorce thats ok you can take the chance - still economic on average for men. But if 50% end in divorce the economic viability dissolves entirely.
What part of 'irreconcilable' did YOU NOT understand? The adjective presupposes the couple HAS made possibly multiple attempts to find value greater than their evolving differences & preferences. There is NO sane reason to spend your remaining lifetime in a chafing, miserable pairing. BUT...
there is ALSO no reason to re-unite when one or the other, discovers the 'grass was NOT greener' outside their initial choice!
Sure. What is the point of marriage if its not making both people happy? Most countries have divorce laws that at least attempt to make sure the financial consequences are not too bad.
The term "irreconcilable" means that there is no way to work it out.
every classic fairy tale needs a sequence to see a glimpse of the "happily ever after" ending
this means children will have to see that relationships get worked on and tamper their unrealistic expectations when they become adults
Even if there was verbal and physical abuse, a marriage must lasts if the person is ready to change and willing to change...
Cheating is the only legal excuse to get a divorce...
Now when it comes about what you have said, it's a lame and easy excuse just to make a marriage appears like it's a game that you can reset it anytime you want...
@SarahS98 that's why the divorce rates are high cause you can't handle one single fault, people aren't perfect, sometimes they make mistakes, if they are able or willing to fix what they have done, than why not giving them another chance instead of ruining your life and the life of others?
@SarahS98 cheating means that there's a third party while hitting is something else, there ain't another person...
It's true that if he hits you, he chose to hit you and that's why it's wrong, if he admits it and promise to be treated or never do it again, why would you still wanna leave if he truly loves you?
A lot of women were beaten not only once but a couple of times and haven't left because they believed that their men will change, some failed but some have succeeded...
Cheating is totally different than hitting!
I'm not saying that hitting is okay but it's completely different than cheating!
There are a whole slew of women in shelters now that keep getting told by their spouse that they would change and how much they love them. Physical abuse is illegal, which is why the cops tend to arrest people who do it--even "just the one slap," if its reported. That should tell you something. At the point at which someone is physically putting their hands on you in anger, it's not about saving a marriage, it's about saving your life. I speak from having watched one friendly nearly die in silence at the hands of her abusive spouse whom she tried to stay with and another get her skull split open. Do remember, it can take just one ill placed blow to kill someone, so it's not enough to say, well if it only happened the one time and they said they'll change. They may be dead by then.
@SarahS98 well i respect your opinion, what about women who might get angry and might slap her husband, it's okay right? Everyone jokes and laughs 😏
@asker look you might be right but not everyone is like this, personally i did beat a couple of women before and they stayed shut because they were affraid of not getting anywhere if they reported me, they came to me and faced me with love and told me how much they cared about me and they also told me that i'm an excellent man and why did i beat them once i was very angry, i really couldn't find an answer cause deep down i knew that this ain't and i don't like such behavior at all, i promised to neved hurt anyone again unless i was put in a situation i had to defend myself, it was hard for them to forgive me but they did love me a lot and in the end i kep my promise and after nearly a decade they knew that i'm a man who can keep this promise like any other promises...
I felt sorry because i was young back then and when things closee in my face and felt that everyone became like enemies to me, i did it without intention...
Now they are very happy knowing that this bad behavior that i used to have is from the past and they said that i'm very rare and supported me to keep this promise, i also thanked them for being so nice with me and knew how to help me to put me back on the right track again...
@SarahS98 thanks for sharing
From the way you were seeming to defend staying with an abuser, I figured you must have done it because no man in my life, from cop, to dad, to brother, to friends has ever suggested I or any woman should stay with any man that would physically hurt me or another woman. Men shouldn't just laugh about a wife or girlfriend hitting them either as again, all it takes is one blow and someone is seriously injured or dead.
I don't ever intend to stick around with someone who hits me to try and figure out if they are the one or two who manage to change their whole lives around. They are free to get help in the world for their issues, but it won't' be by using me as a punching bag in the meantime. The biggest wake up call I ever had in this regard, not that I needed one, was seeing my friend almost lose her life to her husband. That. Is. Not. And. Will. Never. Be. Love. And your suggestion to sort of give them a chance because maybe they will be okay, is crazy---you said you didn't have control and didn't understand why you were doing the things you did---that is so scary to be in a situation like that on the other end. I just could not live in that fear and I won't.
@asker i understand what you're saying and you're right but no one is perfect, what i meant is that some people do change even if it's rare but it happens...
Believe me you can still love someone even if you have slapped them in a moment of anger because after that you will feel sorry and realize what you have done is very wrong especially to that someone who truly loves you a lot...
You don't have to live in fear anymore if this person changes once and for all because you will know at this point that you are safe with him more than anyone else because the issue is gone and he changed and realized what he have done!
People who hit to kill are animals, i've never beaten someone till that point, i just pushed or slapped and that's all, i'm not crazy to hurt someone or damage something in them!
Sometimes you slap kids on their bums, does it mean that you hate them?
Still i understand your point of view and i wish you a happy peacefull life cause like you said that love means to feel LOVED AND PROTECTED...
Divorce is 100% in favor of the woman these days. They get tons of money, get the kids and get to go find another sucker. Men have to pay a ridiculous amount of child support, no longer get to raise their own kid and also lose a woman they once loved. No fault divorce is why 90% of divorces are initiated by women. We need to bring Shane back into the picture.
Yes but the institution of marriage doesn't mean what it used to. It's just a way for wealth to be extracted by the more poverty stricken party when they get bored if the other person. Usually it's the woman getting bored with the man as women initiate 80% of divorces.
Only if we eliminate no-fault divorce. If someone wants to leave for this bullshit reason they need to be on the losing end of the divorce. It's usually women who initiate these kinds of divorces so they should get NOTHING, no alimony, no child custody, no reward of any kind for wrecking her own home.
To be honest, people do grow apart, and living with someone in a marriage can be very different to living with someone as a girlfriend.
If you don't have enough in common to agree on, then it's not going to get better for either.
I recently watched my friends marriage crumble, but before it did, she asked me for a lot of advice and the one thing I said to her is I'm not going to make any decisions for you or tell you what to do, but I'll say these two things: have you tried every single avenue to try and save your marriage and left no stone unturned and two,5 years down the road, can you imagine yourself happy again once you've worked things through at this point in time. I can say she fought hard for them to stay together but he didn't want to go to any counseling, refused to listen, didn't want a third party family member to help them, just nothing, and so for that reason, I can see how the irreconcilable differences thing exists, because what do you do if someone doesn't even want to try to help you stay married and you're both miserable? Life is too short for that.
No. I take my marriage vows very seriously & I made that clear to my wife before we got married. I believe in the old school, traditional ways. There's no confusion about it.
What if she cheated on you or just disappeared---is there truly no reason in your mind that you would ever divorce?
Even the Bible says there are situations in which you should divorce though.
No one is obligated to be married if they don't want to be so any reason they don't want to anymore is sufficient.
Yes it's good enough. It's stupid to stay in a relationship that you are not happy in. Be selfish, who cares as long as you are happy.
Sadly yes. Divorce hurts the kids but it’s still everybody’s right to get one if you can’t work things out. Nobody should be trapped in a loveless marriage.
I think we all have different definitions of that term. I would hope they tried couples therapy first.
Well, I want a divorce, and she doesn't. Isn't that irreconcilable enough?
Or vice versa, the she wants the he doesn't, scenarios also 😆
In most cases, in the context of divorce, the term "irreconcilable differences" is just a tool women use to try to forgive themselves for their lack of commitment.
i tried for the better part of a decade. sometimes it really is irreconcilable
Never been divorced and do not intend to but this seems to be one of the most common reasons of divorce.
certainly not, people are expected to have different opinions
Yeah, that sounds pretty final to me.
This question isn't really relevant. Considering most states now have no fault rules for divorce. In other words the doesn't need to be a reason for the divorce.
Um, it doesn't work like that. That's what dating is for. So you can break up with someone if you don't get along. Marriage is permanent.
Absolutely. They, or one of them recognized the mistake before shit may or may not have become violent. Working harder at some things can tend to have a negative effect.
Yes, but why would anyone marry a person they disagreed with on anything important?
If both agree, yes. If on the part of only one without cheating or abuse, then yes if that person forfeits all marital assets.
Irreconcilable differences is just a fancy way of saying we should have never gotten married in the first place.
Anything “irreconcilable” seems like a good place to start.
This 👀👀👀
If you can’t get along, how did you manage to get along before marriage?
It depends on whether or not your area has no fault divorce laws. If your area doesn't, it's not worth the hassle.
Using "irreconcilable differences" is just saying they don't want to work on keeping the marriage together.
I sure think it is ✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻😬😬😬
Yes. You’re basically not compatible
Nope. I believe marriage is till death.
Hell no. Work on it, don't be lazy
Nope.
Works for me.
Nope
Absolutely
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