Cleaning is triggering.. as is not being able to have sexual feelings?

[Anonymous]

I’m cleaning out my draws in what was once our room whilst he is away at work.. I can’t bring myself to clear out my lingerie I bought to wear for him. Its riddled with thoughts of grief. I really don’t feel like I can take them to my next house I just want him to dispose of them cause I can’t throw them out and I can’t take them with me. I also (TMI) can’t even try to look after my self sexually- I just get upset and spew. My brain seems to be attached to these types of things. I never wore this stuff for anyone ever before him. I still have 5 days til I can go pick up keys to my house and I have a feeling the punches are gunna keep rolling. Any words of new perspectives would be gratefully appreciated. This is so shit. I feel so useless.

Updates

1 y

He has agreed to get rid of them for me. I’m not sure how he will do this but I can’t worry about that- I’m rocked by this small thing but definitely for the best because it can’t just sit it the cupboard forever.

[Sam161]

That is actually sorry to hear I was put in the same situation where my wife and I were getting divorced she didn't leave just lingerie she left her toys she left clothing in my cupboard like I wanted to see it everyday like I wanted to see what I'm missing out on when she's the one that decided she was leaving you think she would take everything with her she's the one that's leaving is she trying to tell me that I enjoyed using the toys on her that's why I'm keeping them or what about the lingerie in the bras and the panties and the dresses that she left was her bag too full to carry them out. So I packed all her stuff up I packed it all up in a clear plastic bag. And I told her that I was dropping off the rest of her stuff and I said it on her front porch by her door so anybody that saw it could see that her toys were in there her clothes. She was just trying to hurt me trying to show me what I was going to miss well I was already hurt she broke up a family she took my son my step daughter and her and moved to another house and within a week was dating another guy. So please do him a favor take the clothes with you take anything that belongs to you I don't care if you put it in a bag and drop it in the Salvation bin to give to somebody else just take it with you don't leave it for him to clean it up cuz it will just be hurt him more than you believe.

[ohsheeT]

Take a very deep breath look back at everything in your life that hasn't worked out the way you thought it was look how you got through it I know it's going to be hard but what I would do is every step you start taking from now on is a step towards your new life your new happiness your new goals your new smiles your new everything don't hold yourself back you're the only person that can make yourself feel good you're the only person that can do this to yourself right now and make yourself feel bad stop just stop it's not worth it you're going to go forward sooner or later anyway so just do it now tell yourself fuck this I'm doing it now I'm not with myself back for nobody anymore and take that first step go for it you are the only person that can stop that feeling you're the only person that can be happy and make that feeling nobody else you are the only person on the inside of you take that first step

[WhitneySnow]

It sounds like you’re going through a bad breakup. Therapy might help.

[Asker]

Yeah it’s a tough one- already got the therapy happening 😕

[WhitneySnow]

Good luck

[BoopBoopBeep]

The punches DO keep rolling. Sorry. Wish I could say they don't. I've been there, it sucks, a lot, and sometimes you don't know what'll set you off. Toss all the lingerie. You can buy more online from wholesellers that look as good if not better at half he prices.

[Asker]

Bin man comes in two days time.. I’ve got to clean the house so when I finish that I’ll throw it all out.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Or give it away/donate it to Goodwill... whatever floats your boat. PM me for the cheap sites I use to buy exorbitant amounts of lingerie for the women in my life. Don't want to put it out there publicly because then it looks like I'm spamming the site with retail like I work there or something. I don't.

[Ben487]

I'm sure its gonna suck for awhile. Maybe a life time if you share kids.

[Asker]

No shared biological children. That is a blessing I guess.

[Ben487]

yeah you dodged a bullet there.

[EaterPeter]

Learn to fall gracefully?

[EaterPeter]

Sounds like you two are breaking up with ongoing nasty word exchanges. Break the cycle when you go to pick up. Leave those lingerie behind bad memories are better left alone. We want them bcoz once they used to be good and remind us of those good times but now all those memories been toxicated so I would have same debate in my head too

[Asker]

No ongoing nasty words at all, it’s just devastating to see this become of us. Me riddled with self worth issues and him pretending he don’t give a sh*t. He is happy to bin them after I leave

[EaterPeter]

I am sure he is hurt too though acting as he don't care. He may have stone walled him self up high till his eyes so he can duck behind whenever

[EaterPeter]

I have been through those episodes and phases where I was shut downed so tight it took me days or weeks to open up

[EaterPeter]

I barely wanted to come out of cave

[Asker]

I can see him coming out of this mental spot then withdrawing again then coming back again. But it looks like breadcrumbs to be honest. He goes really cold, I still can’t throw it away, so yes he will have to. I can only describe it like he doesn’t care or whatever because I guess he doesn’t talk to me about it out of fear or whatever so yeah I’m at a loss. Kinda like says one thing does another. Everything will be what it will be and I cannot actually see this not being a total write off. There’s no hate it’s just ended

[EaterPeter]

All the best