I accidentally saw his version of the story on another forum. After breaking up with my boyfriend, I went back to my hometown because they were offering a better job position, career advancement and to visit my family more often. I want to take a break from dating for the meantime. I'm recovering from the break-up.
This is what bothers me so much:
Yes he did the grand gesture (he arrived very early, punctual like never before; he used to be tardy on dates and family reunions) I've waited for the longest. I give him credit for that, yes close but no cigar. It wasn't the romantic moment I would've wished for. It took a break up, not caring anymore and hearing that I was leaving for good. He knew when my departure date and time was. Part of me wanted to say accept it, forgive and forget it all, cancel the flight and throw myself in his arms but instead I declined it. According to mutual friends, he's still waiting for me and has been seeing a counselor for his personal issues.
I still wonder if he really meant it, realized he wants me in his life (but if so then why wait till I leave and I'm no longer available?) and actually wants it or is it just to keep me from leaving and he'll back down once he has me? What if I had accepted it and married him, then have kids and years down the road while he's drunk, he reveals that he never wanted any of it and only did it to make me happy, just for me. Then I would feel super miserable and angry to have wasted years and that he only did it out of pressure, not out of his own will.
He claims to be ready and realizes his mistake but I'm still hurt at this moment. He took me for granted for too long, was late on our dates, wait for the last moment to do something and ignored my goals and wishes I've clearly communicated several times from the beginning. Or am I being harsh? I still love him but I have to love myself first. Should I give him this last chance? Not soon but maybe after many months or even a year.
Plus he's on counseling right now, working on his issues. I hope he's doing it for himself and not just to win me back and once I come back, bang it's the same thing again.
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Hun if you really want to get to the point of marriage, you are going to have to accept some flaws plus it’s such a bonus that he is now working on those flaws. The dating pool is currently trash as hell and you might as well keep working towards a future with someone that you have established something with especially when he’s clearly been loyal to you. Loyalty is rare. I know being late for dates bothers you, but honestly that sounds like such a small problem compared to what other people have going on. Don’t throw away a potential marriage situation and regret it later when you can’t find anyone else.
It's not just being late for dates that bothered me, I felt as if he wouldn't take me serious whenever I would communicate my goals and timeline, him not following through with some promises and felt as if I've been strung along. We were already together for 5 years. What really bothers me is if I would've continued staying with him and never left nor booked my flight ticket, he would've likely never proposed and I would've spent another year waiting. He only did it because I was leaving and on the airport by then. I'm hurt.
I'm willing to give him a chance though if I feel secure, know it's what he really want and means it and really changes as he promises.
@asker I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings here because how you feel is completely how you feel, but girlll waiting an extra year for marriage isn’t going to kill you. I know you have set goes and a tunnel vision, but you also have to understand his pov too. Marriage is scary and the fact that you got him to at least propose with a ring in this generation is everything. Marriage is very rare in this day and age. I just see a lot of regret coming your way letting a relationship like this go. Granted, he does have stuff to work on and maybe this break will get him to better understand your problems, but really think about if you want to throw away possible marriage and never be able to find that again. With all due, this generation is not easy to find a husband
I would've understood his pov if he had explained it from the start. He never did till recently. I never knew he was nervous about being a father. He never communicated me that and in a relationship honesty is the way. Meanwhile I've never hide my feeling, issues and and concerns with him. I was always straight forward.
But yeah come to think of it, I'll let him work on his issues first, make it a bit of challenge for him. If I get back with him right away and go too easy on him, I might not think clearly. I'll give some time (6 months at most; depending on his process it can be earlier) and will schedule a flight ticket and accept it.
According to our mutual friends, his own words is whenever I want to come back, the ring is there. For the meantime, I'll give him some time to work on himself first.
@asker if I were you, I wouldn’t wait too long on that if you really are serious on giving him another chance. 6 months is enough time for someone to change their mind.
@kylee2437
I'm with you on that one too. The OP indeed shouldn't wait too much. She already has what many of us can't get from a man anymore, a marriage proposal. It has become such a rare offer by now thanks to the stupid feminazis ruining it for the rest of us. By rejecting it and waiting for the guy to fix his issues, she's not doing herself nor her biological clock any favor. She has the opportunity now. I think she should take it.
@Vesuvius87 yeah not trying to invalidate her feelings here either but throwing away something that is just a little bit off from perfect is definitely not the best idea. The issues at hand are stuff that can be worked on through mature communication
I see you got some points. Well then I'll be on the flight next week. I'll inform our mutual friends that he can ask the question again, that way he'll know it'll be a yes this time. Ok no more time wasted. I love him and willing to work things out with him.
The new issue is I have to once again say good bye to my family member, have my house put on rent and what to tell my new workplace. A lot to do, lol
So you've waited for a proposal (what men nowadays rarely give) and when he finally caved in and opened his gate, you declined that rare offer? Yet you still love him but won't accept it? Am I missing something?
If I were you, I would've immediately accepted it. So he needs to work on his issues? Big deal. Everyone has flaws. If he hasn't abused you nor cheated on, you can work on the issues with him while being engaged. It doesn't mean you have to get marry the next day.
You might never get proposed again if you don't take that offer. If you don't go for it, someone else will and you'll be stuck as a ''forever girlfriend'' with another man. Lastly, your're going to get older and it's going to be harder. You're not doing yourself any favor by putting things on hold.
Then nevermind, I'll be catching the plane next week. My surprise would be me knocking on his door. I guess I was being dramatic. I couldn't think straight at that moment.
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