I told my boyfriend to unfriend his ex and he dumped me?

[Anonymous]

I told my boyfriend to unfriend his ex on Facebook.

I sent him a message saying.

"Please unfriend her, you know how nasty she was to you, I don't think you should have her as someone you talk to and you shouldn't even let her be your friend in real life or on anything".

He said to me.

"If you ask, one more time, we are done".

I replied.

"I want you to remove her from your friends list and stop contact with her".

He replied.

"My heart is shattered. I haven't chosen you over her. Eventually you will realize that. Take care and I wish you the best".

Then he blocked me on everything.

What the hell does all of that mean?

Updates

+1 y

EDIT

* I haven't chosen her over you

Updates

+1 y

Based on most of the answers. It looks like he was still Inlove with his ex. Wow. Ok. Thanks guys!

Updates

+1 y

Well, not even a week later he called me and told me that he would only be willing to move past the argument if I could learn how to trust him. He says that his (toxic) ex and him are friends on Facebook because they put the past behind them and surprising the ex liked our engagement announcement on his Facebook page and even commented 'congratulations', so, I've decided to get back into my relationship with him and will not ask him to remove Facebook friends again. Lesson learned 😭

[OlderAndWiser]

Most likely, it means that he was not finished with her. His heart was still with her and was not available to you. That would have become apparent eventually and you still would have broken up. So what you did probably only short-circuited the process.

However, you should not develop a habit of telling your SO what to do. That will create resentment almost every time you do it. You could have asked him to remove her, with some explanation of your thoughts and feelings, and waited for him to take action. If he decides to not remove her, then you either accept it or you tell him goodbye.

[OfMiceandMen]

Sounds to me like he still has feelings for his ex if he can't let go and was waiting for her to come around.

I think you are better off to find out now and not have wasted more of your life with him.

He's clearly not over her if he can't meet that simple request.

[OfMiceandMen]

Thanks.😊

[Faith18letsgo]

Honestly while blocking you was nuts in my opinion I might not have unfriended her either. If my girlfriend asked me that after a year of being together I’d be like bet, sure babe. But if it was in the beginning of our relationship it would definitely set off some alarms because I don’t like my partners trying to influence who I’m friends with.

[Asker]

We had just gotten engaged

[Faith18letsgo]

Are you serious? No way. Man is missing out what the heck?

[Asker]

Yep. He got down on one knee, the whole shibang and then blocked me at one request like I was nothing 🤷

[Faith18letsgo]

Wow that is not cool. That said though not sure he would’ve been a good husband. You have to work through bigger problems in marriage then your girl wanting you to unfriend someone.

[Faith18letsgo]

Well sounds like you dodged a bullet. I’m sorry though that must be painful.

[astrophelle]

I think he still love her😐. He doesn't remove her from his friend list but he can block you in a second. I'm really sorry for you this must have felt so bad but you're really lucky to be out of a toxic relationship.

[Asker]

I'm heart broken. He had just proposed!

[fonduegirl]

Or maybe she's just controlling. I mean, he does sound funny in his last reply. As if someone else put that idea in his head.

[DarkLegacy]

It is her fault he is lucky to be out of a toxic relationship, if she is gonna dictate who his friends can be then that is toxic. it is controlling behaviour. Obviously what with you being female you are bound to defend her

[fonduegirl]

But she can be protective over him since he got hurt last time

[fonduegirl]

He can have female friends, just not an ex who hurt him

[DarkLegacy]

@anon1903 the thing is that she is still his friend and his girlfriend is now his ex.

[fonduegirl]

That's his choice

[fonduegirl]

I feel that's good riddance. He may not be in love with her, but she still has power over this guy.

I'd never want such guy. Lmao.

[fonduegirl]

Once again, I'd say the same if it were the other way around. Friendships with exes are tricky and I don't understand how people can be friends with people who treated them nasty.

Of course he's got a right to make his own decisions. But I don't think the last message were his words really. Maybe I'm overanalysing.

But there are controlling, manipulative partners. Let's hope his ex isn't one of them.

[KrakenAttackin]

😂😂😂😂😂.

[astrophelle]

@KrakenAttackin why are you laughing🤨😹

[fonduegirl]

Probably because she went back and said lesson learnt. What an askhole.

[abc3643]

He did the right thing.
You are insecure and controlling.
To a man that's both unattractive and bad news and, sadly, it's a fundamental aspect of a person that would take decades to grow out of if at all. A smart man doesn't waste his time with such a woman.

[Singing_Hollow]

I agree he might have had a few feelings still but remember this for future. Men HATE being controlled. If you force him to do something he will feel caged and will want to get out. Allowing a man to do things in his own time not only shows him that you trust him but also that he has time to work through his own past without being judged. I agree he should have deleted her once she was with you which shows how immature he is. Best for you to walk away.

[KrakenAttackin]

The only thing women hate more than a man they can't control, is a man they can control.

[Singing_Hollow]

@KrakenAttackin True but if a man was mature enough and valued his partner, he would know that talking to someone of the opposite sex is opening doors to emotional attachment and that is dangerous for a relationship. I dont have to tell my boyfriend not to talk to girls, he is mature enough to know he will be opening a door that has a high chance of hurting our relationship and if he valued me enough and loved me enough then he wouldn't take that chance.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Singing_Hollow. Well said!

[BoopBoopBeep]

It means two things, one, you probably dodged a bullet, and two, when a man gives you a clear ultimatum as he did, don't try to "call his bluff." He quite clearly said if you do this we're through, you immediately did it, you got dumped, as you should have. But like I said you probably dodged a bullet there anyway, so congrats on being able to move forward and find someone better for you.

[Vintage1980s]

Honestly babe he did you a favor. If he really gave a damn he would have removed her and honored your feelings. Relationships are about meeting each others needs, boundaries , and expectations. You told him your boundary and he didn’t feel like it was worth it to compromise on. Good riddance. You’ll find another who’s all about you 💕. He was obviously still stuck on his past and why continue with someone like that.. let him live in it.

[Andres77]

Don’t feel sorry for losing him. He did you a. Favor
I agree with @Vintage1980s

[Asker]

@Andres77 thank you so much. I feel a lot better 😊

[DarkLegacy]

She has no right dictating who he can be friends with. Women just want to dictate to men all the time. Fair play to him

[boggboss]

That by the sounds of it you guys had argues about this before and he had said its not somthing he wants to do and because u kept on pushing the point he ended things

[Asker]

Well. I had asked him in the past to remove girls and he hated it. He said I should just trust him. So. Maybe my request did push him over the edge. But. Doesn't this mean he chose her over me? Why would he say "I haven't chosen her over you. Eventually you will realize that', that's exactly what he's done?

[boggboss]

With thar added info no I wouldn't say he picked her over u he was not willing to be with someone that felt she had the ability to police his friends list

[Asker]

Thank you

[boggboss]

I do feel what he did was drastic but then I can't know the context to how much u guys have spoken about this stuff what I will say is if the only way u can trust your partner is him removing women from his friend list then u shouldn't be in a relationship because thats not trust

[Asker]

He did say to me 'i haven't chosen her over you'. What does that even mean coz that's exactly what he did? It's extremely drastic and I think it's unfair coz he's told me to unfriend men, even ones that were not my ex.

[boggboss]

Well clearly he held unfair values

[BoopBoopBeep]

No, he didn't choose her, he choose not backing down when you decided to get cute with him. He said ""If you ask, one more time, we are done". That's a simple sentence that I'm sure you understood. You did it anyway, so he's either going to follow through with it or deal with the fact that you made him a liar. This is what happens when you poke the bear.

[Blueeyes81]

You bet on yourself and lost. Look, it sounds like you have asked this question multiple times. And it sounds like he gave you the answer multiple times. What did you expect? Some people if you push they push back. I'm one of them. If you ask me and I say no and you keep at it you will get the opposite of what you hoped to achieve.

[richardcory]

Depends on the status of their relationship. Some people end romantic relationships but remain friends. I would not drop a friend just because someone asked me to.

[BeMuse]

It means that you're single. You don't have a boyfriend. You were controlling and tried to tell him who he can and can't be friendly to so he dumped your ass.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

It means he's an ass that was just using you as a placeholder until he could go back to her. Nobody who cares for their current girlfriend and is over their ex would react that way to a request.

[Gent207-2]

He broke up with you

He sounds like a real POS and a walking red flag. Seriously head out into your new freedom

[petitedollbabee]

That depends… how long were you together, how long were you asking him to unfriend his ex, and did he tell you before you started dating that he was friends with his ex and that it was something that you had to deal with otherwise he can’t date you?

[Asker]

He had just asked me to marry him, so, technically he was my fiance, only for a day, though, it didn't last long. His ex was a nasty piece of work who is known for ruining relationships and she also took advantage of him and used him and abused him. No, he never told me he was friends with his ex. I only noticed after we were engaged, cause I had a good look through his friends list, which I had never done before because he had like over 1000 friends.

[petitedollbabee]

You must’ve been together for a long time before getting engaged, I’m surprised you didn’t know before. That’s a big red flag that he never told you before then.

[fonduegirl]

She's brainwashing him. He probably was talking to her simultaneously, and she innocently planted the seed of breaking up with you in his head. God.

[Jamie05rhs]

"innocently"

[fonduegirl]

Yep. She's very innocent, according to him.

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's not over her which means good riddance for you. You don't want to be in that drama. He sounds like a piece of work to dump you just like that over you asking to stop talking to his ex.

[DarkLegacy]

Nope, he was spot on, she does not have the right to dictate who his friends can be. If this was the reverse you would be defending her

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Your request was reasonable. I don't believe one should be in contact with an ex lover while in a relationship with someone else unless a kid is involved.

Learn this, something loss is often for something better to come in.

[KrakenAttackin]

She's too old for "something better".

[msc545]

What it means is that if your force confrontations with people you better be prepared to accept consequences. He warned you to stop and you pushed on anyway. Was it worth it to you?

[itsalyssaagain]

I just read your question and I am just…speechless.
The AUDACITY of this man.
Girl you really saved yourself.

[Spade_01]

Good riddance for you. One shouldn't be in touch with an ex while being with someone else. An ex has no role in the present.

[DarkLegacy]

I would have done the same. It is good to see a guy standing up to a woman and not allowing her to boss him around. I bet you would still be friends with your exes.

[midnightmoon05]

Be glad it’s now and not after u have a kid with him.

[laraWM]

That's really weird, probably made him realize he still loves her

[DarkLegacy]

Yes in the modern world it is weird to have a man not being dictated to by woman. Fair play to him It is good to see that some men are going to stand up to women

[Andres77]

It sounds like she’s still controlling him and he’s using this as an excuse to get rid of you.

[John_Doesnt]

Hopefully you learned your lesson about social media stalking and being jelly. Or maybe you like being single.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/KfvxkPcxyn8

Your ex boyfriend is a smart man! Good job.

[Unit1]

THAT is just solid proof he's in deeper love with his ex. So sorry you had to find out like that. He's not yours girl.

[dudeinohio]

You did the right thing. You should never be friends with an ex.. He did you a favor by dumping you.

[LiamJHayden]

It means he wasn't going to let you control those whom he chooses to befriend. The precedent would have been set and he wanted no part of that.

[JesseP1nk]

If it was another way around then woman would call it controlling

[fonduegirl]

Controlling of whom?

[fonduegirl]

It's one thing to remain friends with your ex, totally different story if you forgive them for being a nasty partner and leave your current one for the sake of friendship.

[JesseP1nk]

@anon1903 If man tells woman to unfriend an ex, then women would call it a controlling.

[fonduegirl]

She was nasty to him. Did you miss that?

[JesseP1nk]

@anon1903 says who? - Girl who got dumped... Does not matter how you slice it - he still have right to make OWN DECISIONS. If he thinks she was actually nasty would he go back to her?

[fonduegirl]

If she's manipulative, yes

[fonduegirl]

His last message does feel like he's parroting words

[Pete671]

You TOLD him to without any discussion about how the situation upset you?,,,

[Jamie05rhs]

He said "I haven't chosen YOU over HER"?

WTF?
He's a confused little man.

[fonduegirl]

The said exis putting ideas in his head

[Jamie05rhs]

@anon1903 Maybe so.

Ironically, this just proves that she was right to tell him to cut her off.

[fonduegirl]

Exactly

[Jamie05rhs]

Well. That edit does change things.

[fonduegirl]

What edit

[fonduegirl]

Does asker have self esteem issues? Studies say yes

[Jamie05rhs]

"EDIT * I haven't chosen her over you"

@anon1903

[fonduegirl]

Bollocks

[Jamie05rhs]

@anon1903 Oh, so you think he lied?

[fonduegirl]

He's just a puppet

[fonduegirl]

I'm just saddened she took him back

[Jamie05rhs]

Aww. Yeah, maybe she didn't make the right call there. I'm not sure.

[BlackJeep]

I would like to hear his side. I mean, its just a Facebook friend. It means nothing.

[fonduegirl]

You're right. But the person was a nasty girlfriend, why would you want a reminder of that?

[BlackJeep]

@anon1903 I actually just realized that my exwife and I follow each other on all social media platforms and we aren't on speaking terms. I don't feel the need to remove her. Its not a reminder of anything to me. I don't care if she wants to see what I'm up to. If anything, its motivation for me to level up and make her regret what she did

[fonduegirl]

That's very brave of you

[fonduegirl]

I've blocked my exes. I'm weak.

[Luckycharms12]

Ya you demanded and told a boyfriend what to do he isn't a dog.

[fonduegirl]

Did you not read about the part where the current one said the other girl is nasty? And if the other girlfriend wasn't in fact nasty, why would he say that?

[strateguy632]

too bossy, i would do the same

[Lynx122]

He's a weirdo just move on.

[KrakenAttackin]

It means **poof** bye Felicia.

[barn_stormer]

lol you done fucked up

[Goodvibes2]

he didn't love you then