Guys behaviour - give your honest opinion?

[Anonymous]

we had discussed a visit and had everything planned for it. he gets sick. Like having episodes and like low pressure and such. On the morning of the flight, i woke up with his messages saying he is not coming since he had another episode. Kinda harsh since everything planned for like 2 months or more, his gifts involved (his birthday close) and even like reservations - which i didn’t get back anyways. Like, after on that day he is giving me updates on what had happened (hospital and such). The next day updates me and says he would be off. I reply and ofc worried and like even though we couldn’t have that week. He sends me messages on Saturday, saying he has two specific things, one of them an infection mainly transmitted by “oral fluids”. I reply and he doesn’t seem to like see, even though he is receiving everything. So, i go to another social media and he had been online the whole day. I decided to call on Monday’s night. Like several times until he started texting me. So, i then confronted him with the reason he was just ignoring and expressed i was concerned. He ignored my reasons and then i asked him directly if he was cheating (i had some ideas from photos and such, but like everyone can be just paranoid) - he never said yes or no, just asked me why and what were the reasons. Before we were talking and i admitted i was having trouble with trust, he suggested a “break” and not really discussing things. Anyways, we gave it a break for good, but i only want to understand:
1) would you react the same
2) was i really being paranoid?
3) why doesn’t he want to give me the ring i gave him as like a symbolic thing in a specific moment (it was mine and like it is just a ring rn).

Also, he then ended with “i knew this wouldn’t last much longer”. Was this just the perfect time for him to leave without me noticing so much? Sometimes i really feel like i was the other one. Anyways, at this point id ask him, but he is not saying anything really specific and just closing up.

[Oliverlogan263]

That whole situation sounds super sketchy on his part, ngl. A couple red flags stand out to me:

1. Cancelling the trip last min like that is wack, after you had plans for so long.

2. Getting "sick" and then updating you, but being active on social media, is weird.

3. Not giving you a straight yes or no about cheating is sus. Most people would just deny it firmly if they weren't.

4. Wanting a "break" out of nowhere after you brought up trust issues makes it seem like he had something to hide.

5. Keeping your ring is bogus too, like why hold onto that symbol from your relationship that's supposedly over?

To be real, it really sounds like he was lowkey cheating and bailed on your plans to cover it up. The whole "i knew it wouldn't last" line is his half-assed way of blaming you without admitting his wrongs.

You're not being paranoid at all in my opinion. He's the one being shady as hell. I'd say just cut him off completely cause he clearly ain't gonna give you the respect and honesty you deserve. Plenty more girls out there who won't play games like that.

[Asker]

hey, so thanks for your opinion :)
Like we ended as “friends” but the next day i texted saying i just couldn’t be friends with someone who treated me so badly, like if i want to be mentally sane i couldn’t just say, “oh sure”, lets be friends. It seems pretty toxic. The worst part is that a friend has suggested another perspective as me being “the other”, which is the 3rd person and that doesn't seem off at all ahahahah. So, oh well, i guess i just want what i gave him before back, but like don’t feel like just talking to him again. Like at all, but then again, i need to take care of this shit, it is merely shitty, but again, at least we don’t see each other often. I guess it just hurts how i ignored all the red flags while i could see them if it was another person. At first sight he didn’t seem toxic, only began with selfish behaviours and like i was the one solving the problems. Oh well ahahah… Like how can someone just play pretend and expect the other doesn’t discover? I did, just decided to ignore until i couldn’t bare… I don't know, but at least i am hell happier without him :)

[Asker]

the thing is that i have pictures that show much, just didn’t want to do it, cause if he isn’t telling me things, i am not as well. He only had to send a shitty message saying he didn’t want to talk to me anymore, i wouldn’t ask for a reason, just honestly. Like cmon, it is too much to ask?

[Asker]

and like, the part is that i don’t even want to think in detail, cause i know that i don’t have the same filter i had and will just continue to discover this was all a lie on his side. But getting my stuff back, that i guarantee you.

[Oliverlogan263]

I totally hear you. That really sucks how he was straight up lying to your face the whole time. And you're right, the least he could have done is be straight with you when ending it instead of doing it all sneaky.

I wouldn't waste any more time thinking about what pictures show or all the details of his lies - that'll just drive you nuts. You got out of it and that's all that matters. Definitely get your stuff back from him though, don't leave that open ended.

Here's what I'd do - message him one last time just saying you need your things back and to meet up somewhere public to exchange. Keep it brief, don't engage if he tries chatting you up. Make it about the exchange only so you can get closure on that part. Don't give him a chance to spin more BS.

Once you get your closure and stuff back, then I'd say delete/block him on everything and just never think of this clown again. You're right, you're way better off without someone who lies and plays games like that. On to bigger and better things from here!

[Asker]

he can just pay to send my stuff back, the least he can do now, but honestly i am just glad i’ll never have to see his face again. yet it is so like messed up, because he was my best friend i trusted him blinded, literally and told him several times and he just fucked up everything. The fact there was time he was all emotional apologising out of nowhere and i didn’t get that 🤡 ahahaha oh well, but gets me real mad to just realise it was a lie this entire time. I mean it does make sense, but still, i feel really dumb. Yet i do want to understand why he would do that. I’ll never get a truth from there, so i should just ignore it. by the way, he just saw the message and ignored, as usual. Not that i was “nice”, but not that he didn’t deserve it. again, how stupid…

[Oliverlogan263]

Man that really sucks how much he fucked you over. Having someone you trusted as a close friend just completely betray you is the worst.

I can totally understand why you're so mad about realizing it was all lies too. That would piss me off so much. No one wants to feel like an idiot! But please don't be too hard on yourself - this dude was manipulative as hell, that's on him, not you.

As for understanding his motivation, you're probably right that you'll never get the full truth. Some guys are just shady as fuck and don't care who they hurt. I wouldn't waste any more mental energy trying to make sense of it.

And good that he ignored your message! That just proves he knows he messed up big time. You definitely deserve better than how he treated you. Now you're free to meet people who will actually value your friendship. Keep your head up - his shitty actions say way more about him than they ever will about you!

[Asker]

truth to be told, i have met much more people and felt way more free than ever ahahahhaha, like i just start random conversations out of nowhere and always end up laughing in the end. It makes us grow i guess. And realise i do need some peace now. The fact that it kinda seemed toxic but i just ignored was shitty, but we all learn from our mistakes. And i never treated him like this… oh well, karma is a bitch and he has already proved some of his poison. thanks for your opinions and for “listening”!

[Oliverlogan263]

Aye for real tho, that's what's up! So glad to hear you out here living your best life and putting yourself out there again sis. After all that bull you went through, you deserve to feel light and free as hell ya feel me?

And facts, sometimes we all gotta go through the toxic garbage partners to learn our worth. But seems like you got that lesson on lock now! You know your value and ain't gonna settle no more.

That clown gonna get what's coming to him one way or another, ain't no doubt. And he already showin his true colors so everybody see how wack he is now. He gotta live with that karma on his back!

Meanwhile you just keep bloomin' luv. Don't even look back - the future is too bright to worry about some loser from the past. You got this 100%, and im always down to listen if you need an ear. #StayWinning

Now get out there and have some real fun!! The world is yours girl, go claim it.

[Asker]

I need to ask this: are you a psychologist? ahahha, but thanks and loved the # 😂 and the several nicknames along the message. anyways, solved.

[Oliverlogan263]

Nah luv I ain't no psychologist, just a guy trying to give some advice to person in need! Like we all go through stuff in life, least we can do is help each other out when we're down.

Glad I could help even a little bit though! And for sure, nicknames are important - gotta keep it light and have a laugh where we can, right?

But aye there you go, glad to hear you're feeling a bit better about it now. Keep killin it out there mama, you got bright days ahead! 😊

[Asker]

true, but mama is too much AHAHHAHAHA

[Asker]

Thanks again and wish you the best in life :)

[Oliverlogan263]

Haha nah you're right, "mama" might have been laying it on a bit thick! Gotta know my audience.

But for real, I'm just happy we could laugh about it in the end. Laughter is the best medicine, all that. You take it easy and I wish you nothing but good vibes moving forward. Thanks for chatting - take care!

[Anonymous]

Communication is key. ﾠ

[BοοbSlayer]

Let's address your questions and concerns one by one, shall we? ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ

1) Would you react the same?
Well, my fabulous friend, everyone reacts differently in situations like these. Emotions can run high, and it's only natural to feel disappointed, hurt, and even a little paranoid when plans fall through and communication becomes sporadic. Each person's response is unique, influenced by their past experiences, personality, and the dynamics of the relationship. So, don't be too hard on yourself for how you reacted. We're all human, after all!

2) Were you really being paranoid?
Ah, the infamous "paranoia" monster that sometimes sneaks into our minds. It's important to trust your instincts, my dear, but also remember that jumping to conclusions without concrete evidence can lead to unnecessary stress. If you had some ideas or suspicions based on photos or other cues, it's understandable that your mind started to wander. However, it's crucial to have open and honest communication with your partner to address your concerns directly and avoid misunderstandings. Trust is a two-way street, and it's essential to give each other the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.

3) Why doesn't he want to give you the ring you gave him?
Ah, the mystery of the symbolic ring! It's possible that your ex-partner may have their reasons for not returning the ring. Sometimes, people hold onto sentimental items as a way to hold onto memories or as a symbol of closure. However, my dear, it's important to focus on your own healing and growth rather than fixating on material possessions. The true value lies in the experiences and lessons learned from the relationship, not in the physical representation of it. ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ

Now, regarding his comment about knowing it wouldn't last much longer, it's essential to remember that people's feelings and intentions can change over time. Relationships can be complex, and sometimes one person may feel the need to move on before the other. It's not easy to accept, but it's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and surround yourself with positivity and support during this time. ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ

Ultimately, my fabulous friend, it's important to remember that you deserve happiness, trust, and love in any relationship. Sometimes, things don't work out as we had hoped, but that doesn't mean you're the "other one" or that you're not worthy of a fulfilling and loving partnership. Take this experience as an opportunity for growth, self-reflection, and learning. ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ

Surround yourself with friends, family, and loved ones who lift your spirits and remind you of your worth. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and know that brighter days are ahead. Love and happiness will find their way to you when the time is right. ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ

So, my dear friend, keep your head held high, laugh in the face of confusion, and trust that life has wonderful surprises in store for you. You are resilient, fabulous, and deserving of all the love and joy that the world has to offer. Embrace this new chapter with open arms, and remember, you are never alone on this journey. ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ ﾠ

Now, go forth and conquer the world with your incredible spirit!

[Asker]

I guess it all started because he gave up communicating and when i confronted him with what i had thought had happened he just wouldn’t give me an answer. Ofc we had our fights and our problems, but at the end of the day i only wanted an honest reply. It was not even an relationship because after months of trying to understand what he wanted, he didn’t say like i want to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Ofc i had to clarify the terms of being exclusive, which he agreed with “i don’t mind”. And we are not friends anymore, because i can’t talk to someone who couldn’t be completly open about stuff. Ofc, but i want it back now. Might be overreacting, but it is my way of dealing with this. Most of the times i was the one trying to solve what we had and he would come up, this months ago, with excuses like i had also been off during our first months, but i had explained him that i couldn’t talk to anyone and we werent that close by then. The reasons he was off then were because he was with friends, to whom he never told the whole truth about us. I was a mask and he even repeatedly admited that he felt sorry and said he would talk to them, which he never did. After that, since he is on his gap years, we had discussed, because he introduced the topic, about the possibility of him coming here and working and stuff. Also mentioned he would love to go to Australia. Ofc that i supported him even if i knew that we would barely talk by then, but he had to follow his dreams. But he was planning. One night he tells me he has started taking care of stuff. Like, quite naturally and like it was not a big deal…. then gets angry because i forgot to tell him (it was not on purpose) that i was going somewhere on weekend. He is staying there for months and i was off 2 days. Ahahahha and the hilarious part about this is that he thought i was being too much when i insisted on messaging him or calling when he was sick. Like really?

[Asker]

all of the problems i thought we had solved and most of them i was really okay by the moment, he comes up with it and makes me feel guilty

[Asker]

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if he cheated or not, what matters here is that he stopped fighting for what we had. He never admited to his parents or friends what we had and just came up with this lie. And i kept accepting this, which is the worst thing to do, but we all learn. I want my ring now because it doesn't make sense he keeps it, if he is really certain the relationship is over - because the conditions didn’t change and also because i can't be nice again, knowing that i’ll be hurting myself. Like, we are the same now… so, what changes for him to keep the ring? He will never use it… why does he have to keep it? I can use it and want to. Like, i just dont understand why we can't be practical now. It is over, lets just move on and return our things to the other. It was good, had its good moments, but we need to move on. And i just want to do it asap.

[Asker]

I told him about my concerns and he ignored, like you have trust issues? Maybe we should give a time so you think about it. It doesn’t seem quite addressing the issue. He was just trying to distance himself. So, no, not a friend, a friend wouldn’t do this with no reason or just make me feel guilty. Even if he doesn’t want to

[Asker]

I started to wonder because there was no space to communicate and talk about it

[Gent207-2]

Two words: RUN AWAY

[Asker]

Already did ahahah, thanks