Teenager moving back in when starting a new relationship?

[Anonymous]

My partner (45) and I (36) want to move in together. We are both divorced parents. I have a 3-year-old daughter with shared custody (week-on, week-off), and he has 3 kids, 2 are out of the house and the 3rd is still a teenager (15) living with her mom. She informed her dad a week ago that she wants to move back in with him. I think it is a bad idea. I feel it is going to ruin our relationship. From what he has told me, she seems kind and caring, but she comes from a troubled environment and has major anxiety. And I fear that our love life with go down the drain. Am I over thinking things or am I right about that the kid moving back in is a bad idea.

[Oliverlogan263]

That is definitely a complex situation. On the one hand, I can see why your dude would want his kid to live with him if she wants to. Family always comes first, you know?

But at the same time, I can understand your reservations about how it might impact your new relationship together. Adding a teenager, especially one going through anxiety or other issues, is a big responsibility and lifestyle change.

A few thoughts - has he talked to his ex at all about the background/reasons for her wanting to move? There may be more going on there worth understanding.

You're also right to be concerned about how it could affect alone time as a couple. That's important, especially at the start of living together.

My advice would be to have an open discussion with your guy. Hear his perspective, share your concerns honestly but respectfully. Come up with a plan together on setting boundaries and expectations if she does move in.

Compromise is key. Maybe a trial period to see how it goes? Ultimately the decision is up to him and his daughter, but going into it eyes open as a united front could help. I'm sure you can work it out - just communicate openly without accusations. Good luck!

[molonski2]

I think you need to give the young girl a chance , she obviously is not coping well with the mother , I had similar issues , I dont think it will ruin your relationship , have a long talk with your partner , make some notes , go though all the points.

[Shiningstat]

It’s natural to feel the way you do, perhaps the question here is, if the scenario changed and it was your daughter and he felt like this - what would you do?

[Asker]

I already placed me in his shoes. If it was me, I too would take my daughter back. But I'm not telling him to choose. I just need to decide if I should rather leave now before I grow even more attached to him. I don't know how his daughter is, but most teenagers are horrible.