Am I wrong for divorcing my wife because she chose to get an abortion when I wanted to be a father?

[Anonymous]

My wife and i are both 32, and have been together since 2019, married since 2021. We both discussed children and felt we both wanted to be parents. About 4 weeks ago she tells me she has a positive pregnancy test, and I'm excited. On further discussion she tells me she plans to abort. I ask why, She states its none of my business. I protest, She states its her body her choice. I state that if she makes this choice there will be consequences. 2 Weeks ago, She got the abortion. She came home to changed locks, her stuff out on the front lawn, and divorce papers. She has called to beg me to come back, i blocked her. Her friends have gone from begging me to come back to threatening to kill me over this. All now blocked. Her parents are on my side for some reason, no clue why.

The way i see it, it is indeed her body her choice, just as much as it is my choice not to want to be with someone who would not take my opinion into account, especially from inside of a stable marriage, and no financial issues. So the only consequence i can be sure she sees is the loss of our marriage.

Side note, i have owned my home since i was 21, and inherited it from my grandfather. So no she does not get any portion of the house in the divorce as our state is NOT a community property state. There will be no alimony as my state REQUIRES we be married 5 years for that to happen, and thank god there is no child support. She leaves this marriage with what she brought into it, which is a shitty car and her clothing, and electronics, and a few pieces of furniture.

[jennifer_bloom]

A marriage is not just a relationship, it's also a contract. If somebody does not want to agree to the terms of your contract, you have grounds for separation but I would not treat her like a criminal, she might not be emotionally or mentally read to be a mother, in which case, she should have not agreed to marry you in the first place if she knew you wanted kids early into the marriage. I think you both have different non-negotiable rules for how you want your marriage to be conducted, so you both agreed to different terms and marriage demands when you married each other under the false belief the other would change and give in to your stipulations. This is a breaking of the contract and grounds for divorce.

[LazerBean]

Nope, but that's what you get for marrying a pro aborter 🤷🏽‍♀️

[molonski2]

NO , you are not wrong , you are correct.

My older sister came to visit me in Thailand and we have never been close enough to tell these kind of stories , but she opened up that she had had 2 abortions , I probed a bit more into the actual circumstances , and the first one was similar except other way around , she wanted the 3rd child , and he insisted NO ( he's a professor , has a great job for life , and incredible retirement scheme if he wanted that ) , she told me this was the major factor that broke their marriage , they already had 2 girls , and my sister was confident 3 would not have been much different.

[Craftsman]

Sounds to me like in the long run you made the best decision based on the best information and knowlege you have.
No matter what the outcome would have been had you decided to stay together, it would always be a shadow on the relationship. I suspect it would never be discussed adequately to resolution, since she did not discuss with you before getting the abortion.
The attitude of "It's my body so my decision" tells a lot about values and ethics, and a lack of understanding what constitutes a viable marriage.
Sometimes one has to cut one's losses. I think that's what you have done.

[OlderAndWiser]

Maybe she aborted because it was not your child.

[worldscolide]

Definitely not wrong, I'd have done the same thing. Thankfully i married someone who would never do that kind of thing. Its best to cut your losses and find someone who would not lie to you about wanting children. There is a very good chance that based on her "None of your business" comment, the pregnancy is the result of cheating. So you likely dodged a bullet.

And for the record, i am pro choice.

[Gent207-2]

This truly is a tragedy presuming it has any inkling of truth.

1st - How can a woman go from wanting kids to aborting them? That's a paradox that requires more information to justify its occurrence. Like say in the case of abuse or exploitation, none of which justify the murder of an unborn child.

2nd - Her body, her choice neglects consideration of the child's body and choice. It also violates the rights of the father.

[Zestyassmf1997]

I think you did the right thing. She basically killed your unborn kid. And from the sounds of it, she led you to believe at first that she would give you a child. So she was dishonest too.

[Guido]

It sounds like she married you under false pretenses as she really did not want children. If she had said no kids at the beginning and you want kids then you would not have married her and moved on to find someone that wanted what you do.

There are consequences for actions and while quite drastic, she has the consequences for her actions. To me, the fact that she would not even discuss it with you, says you made the right decision.

[exitseven]

I can understand how you feel. You want to have an offspring and your wife would not even discuss it. She had an abortion behind your back and refused to discuss it. You did the right thing.

[Jackblue]

You made the right call, abortion is wrong.

[Phoenix98]

Don't blame you at all.

[jahaims]

Another dude knocked her up

[Liketotry]

No, good for you