I found out my very good friend is dating my ex without her letting me know, what should I do?

Question

Last month I was going through my blocked list when I randomly opened my ex's Instagram account and saw his bio which had emojis of a (cat heart a dog heart a couple). The following day I had a strange thought that a very good friend of mine with whom I shared quite a bond.. hadn't posted stories for too long (she posted them regularly). I was sus as I had seen their picture before too as well and so I checked her account to find out the same emojis in her bio (cat heart dog) and she basically hid me from her stories. I was shocked to see that. Later I was confirmed about their relationship. SHE CALLS HERSELF A GIRLS GIRL, DUDE WHERE TF IS HER GIRLINESS IN HERE? Yesterday I removed her from my Instagram but I got to know that they both are "very happy". I believe I've moved on from that ugly bastard but what hurts me is to know my friend is with him and she does not have any self respect. Plus I've been thinking of his and my memories again. Our breakup happened last year, July. And he was so quick enough to find a new "her" which is my friend. After all, he was my first ever relationship and my first love. Its just too much for me.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I can understand how you feel to a degree. But it’s almost been a year. I don’t get how women hold onto something this long, maybe even for the rest of your life. For one she doesn’t need to tell you, which she didn’t. She’s not obligated to, neither is he. But at the same time do I think she’s a good friend? No. I don’t know how “good” of a friend this is. More than likely she knew you wouldn’t like it or approve of it that’s why she didn’t say something. As for him moving on “so soon,” men typically don’t hold onto things as long as women. Women tend to carry things like that in forever. He may have already been checked out mentally when you two broke up but you weren’t. As much as it hurts, you have to move on. You’re never really going to be able to progress if you’re stuck in the past. If things work out for them than be happy for them. Part of growing up is being able to let a lot of things go that have hurt you in the past, that’s one of the main keys to progress to living a happier life. I understand some things may be harder than others to let go, but eventually you have to in order to be happy. Maybe it happened for a reason. Maybe he’s a POS, which eventually if he is she will find out then he will end up leaving her too. Now if that happens there’s a good chance she will come back to you as well he. Would I take them back? The dude for sure is a no. The girl. Well some people just have to learn by making mistakes.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Okay girl, that is just super yucky of your "friend" to do! No wonder you're feeling hurt and betrayed. I mean, getting with your ex is like, number one on the friends code no-no list! And to not even have the decency to tell you herself - seriously, where is her loyalty? I'd be seeing red too if I were you.

Here's what I'd do - first off, don't bother confronting either of them. They've already shown they don't respect you, so it's not even worth your energy. Second, take some time to mourn the end of that friendship. Let yourself feel all the feels - cry it out, vent to other real friends, whatever you need. You deserve that.

Then when you're ready, hold your head high and keep it pushin'. The best revenge is living well and being happy without them. Focus on yourself for a while - pick up a new hobby, spend more time with friends who truly support you. And who cares what those traitors are up to on Instagram? Don't give them any more of your attention.

With time, I promise it'll hurt less. You'll realize their trash took itself out and you're better off without fake people like that bringing you down. Keep shining bright girl - your true friends will see that glow and be there for you. You've got this!

Biancam13 · Accepted Answer

Your "friend" isn't your friend. Please ignore the people telling you that your feelings are wrong or not valid for feeling betrayed. If your friend had any modicum of respect for you or had any friendship feelings for you, she would have at least come to you first before getting involved with your ex. Just to ask if you would be okay with it. Wouldn't you have done the same for her, out of respect? Most decent, respectful people would, who aren't completely selfish.

As for your ex, it is kind of distasteful to date one of your friends. I know I wouldn't date one of my ex's friends. It's trashy. But you can't really do anything about that as he's not connected to you anymore. You aren't his friend and therefore he doesn't owe you anything anymore.

But I would cut both of them off. Do it in a classy way though, don't talk badly about either of them but just don't talk to them again. This will show that (1) you respect yourself enough to walk away and (2) you're rising above this disrespect for you. You are the bigger person. Your "friend" has shown that she doesn't respect you, and your ex doesn't care about your feelings either. The two of them probably deserve each other.

I'm sorry this happened to you, by the way. No one deserves to be put in this situation. But I totally empathise with you. You got this!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You just do nothing and watch her cry later on, trust me. I'll give you an example of what happened to me and how karma bit my "friend" on her ass.

I rejected a guy whom I really got very bad vibes from, he was also simultaneously texting my "friend" but anyway he asked me out and after I rejected him he was very frustrated, while I told my "friend" about the whole story and she told me that I did the right thing etc anyway me and my "friend" had plans the same day but she suddenly texted me that she won't be up for it because she's busy, and we cancelled our plan and in around 5 hours she came to me crying , she told me the whole story that how she went on a date with the guy and how he insulted her by calling her fat. They went for a dinner date and apparently he was so fucking crazy that he told her "You're literally so fat and your friend (me) is so slim and the perfect size perhaps that's why she's a bitch and rejected me, you can try to be slim like her so perhaps you'll get a second date".

I just didn't know if I should feel sorry for her or angry at her for the betrayal but I always think that one shouldn't betray their friends especially when it comes to dating.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

I would assume that most girls follow the same code that guys have: it is NOT cool to date your friend's ex. It is strictly off limits, verboten, nyet, and disloyal. This girl is not a friend and this is a difficult lesson, but. . .

There are two types of friends. Type 1: good time friends, people who are fun when it's party time, but you can't find them if you really need help with something.

Type 2: real friends are people who are there for you when life isn't fun, and they will volunteer to help because they can put your interests ahead of their own.

At best, this girl is a Type 1 "friend" and not a particularly valuable friend to have. I think you should simply block her from contacting you, find a new friend, and take some solace in the fact that he is the same son of a bitch that he was last year and she will eventually realize that. . . the hard way.

ohsheeT · Answer

Well there's nothing you could really do about it anyway and why would you want to you ended it or he ended it whatever you're both not together

But there is a thing called respect with Friends and I always felt that I would never go out with one of my friends ex-girlfriends there's 150 billion girls out there guys out there why would you want to date one of your friends or one of your ex's best friends it's just not worth it in the end

AviatorTom · Answer

Do nothing. He's your ex, past history, and you have no interest in him... that's what "ex" means. She's your friend, and may not have told you to protect you... she knows you well enough to know that would bother you.

Leave the two alone. Concentrate on your own life, not others'.

Lowly_Grump · Answer

What have we here? A tale of betrayal and broken friendship, as tasty and tempting as a week-old moldy sandwich left at the bottom of a schoolbag.

First things first, @dovey234, you are well rid of this pair of so-called friends, for they are about as loyal and trustworthy as a three-legged race partner who keeps tripping you up and then blames you for their clumsiness.

Your ex, with his emojis of love and his speedy rebound, is as subtle and classy as a drunken monkey at a tea party. And as for your 'friend', she has shown herself to be as true and constant as a weathercock in a tornado, and about as discreet as a foghorn in a library.

Their behavior is as clear as mud, and their respect for you is as deep as a puddle. So, my advice to you is this: wash your hands of them, for they are not worth your time or energy. They are but a pair of silly sausages, grilling themselves on the barbecue of their own making.

Go and live your best life, and leave them to their charade, for they are as foolish as they come, and you, my dear, are better off without them. Their relationship is built on sand, and it will crumble like a sandcastle at high tide. Mark my words!

So, chin up, buttercup! You are well rid of this pair, and you will find friends and love that are as true and constant as the stars in the night sky. 🌟🌠🌌️

Lliam · Answer

I met my first girlfriend when I was 16. We fell into deep infatuation. She was not quite 15 but had been in one, short-lived relationship before we met, so she wasn't a virgin. She had also had a pregnancy scare so was on the pill. She had dumped the guy for some reason.
We were together for close to a year, but I wound up moving on even though she was good people and I liked her a lot. We remained friends even after I had a new girlfriend.

Some time later, she and one of my best friends started dating. I was happy for them both and remained good friends with them. They eventually got married.

So I don't see why it's a problem if your friend started dating your ex. You were no longer with your ex.

You and your ex were obviously incompatible for some reason. And you are now free to date whomever you want.

I don't know what he did to you. I can understand if you have hard feelings toward him. But it's not fair for you to expect your friend to choose sides. Why can't you be glad that she's happy? If you're not, maybe it's you who is being a bad friend.

HawkPerception · Answer

If she had any morals she would not have dated him and the first place and if there was any saving grace, it would have been that she told you about the fact that they're dating. When someone is able to go behind your back and not tell you something because they think it might hurt you, you know that friend does not have your best interests in mind and only thinks of themselves.

If I were you, I'd cut off immediately from that friend. You don't owe her an explanation. She's of low character.

pepper1993 · Answer

i would do nothing. life is short, if they're happy so what. forcing someone to pick sides is worse move in my opinion. i mean assuming they don't insist on bringing her around when you guys hang out, but even then.. who cares. making a big deal about it just proves that your ex has some sort of control over you. but that's just like my opinion man...

lightbulb27 · Answer

if you broke up.. especially if you broke up with him, why do you care?

are your friends and x's supposed to be lonely and miserable? One persons trash is anothers treasure. The formula of personalities may work better, better compatability. it's easier to find such people because they are in your network and may already know each other. they can connect easier.

you can date her x's. but don't do it out of spite. be happy for them and take excitement to find someone better for you.

I generally avoid it, it causes swirls. all this says is, you aren't over him and over this.

DishLady · Answer

First of all, stop trolling your ex. Nothing good ever comes of it. Next, “girly” and “faithful friend” are two completely different concepts. She figured you’re done with the guy…
Lastly, what do you care who either of them dates? Unless she was helping him cheat on you… or unless she was your very closest friend in the world, two single people from the same local dating pool do tend to try connecting with each other…

If it bothers you that much, just block and ignore them both… but FOR REAL… no trolling!

Flatmanlewis · Answer

It’s poor style and certainly in bad taste but in the end he’s your ex and you have no right or say on who he dates. Equally so, it’s apparent your friend wasn’t as close as you may have believed. As we all learn in life at one point or another - friendships are often overrated and not as durable as we like to believe. Learn from it and move on.

If this was a long term relationship with kids,, homes, and such, or a marriage I’d see this as a more of a serious transgression. As it is it’s just teenage games.

MrExperienced · Answer

One, you don’t own anyone so it is not up to you to determine who your EX dates or your “good friend”. Two, obviously you aren’t that good of friends or you would be in this persons life enough to know if they had a new partner. It is your ex and yes the respectful thing to many people would be to talk to you first but ultimately you can only control yourself, your reaction to any particular situation and the energy you bring into the room. If it is a good friend and an ex then you can choose to hope that they find happiness in one another because even with an ex at one point in time no matter how bad it ended it was a good enough person for you to date right? Be nice to people and worry about you and mind your own business as you can only mind your business as no one else will like you can.

ShellyB · Answer

She is not your friend. I would ghost both and move on. I am not saying you can never forgive her but that is not something a friend would do. I would also let any mutual friends you have know about it as well, you can say it is for revenge or you can say it is a warning, but I would just come out and tell them either way. JMO good luck!

PeachyPie93 · Answer

A lot of girl friends will sleep with your man when you are with him, so it shouldn't be a surprise they do it when you aren't together. As for dating a friends ex I find it pretty gross but a lot of girls don't and it will make them feel like they one up'd you or are better than you. So I say just delete both of them and move on with your life, it hurts but there are plenty more guys around.

foxrider77 · Answer

Same happened to me. Sucks she turned out to be a burn out like him. She had two roads and I’m sure she’s regretted her decision. Probably worked out. I don’t need that drama in my life. Just continue building your brand. I’m sure you’ll find better people. Move up.

Anonymous · Answer

yeah i expect that of people your age. this happened to me with my high school crush. my friend immediately dated him, kissed and hugged him in front of me constantly, was there when i went to hang out at her house and didn't tell me, and it only lasted a few weeks. i don't know which is worse. but stop being friends with her, please. she probably planned this for a long time

SotiCoto · Answer

You don't get to gatekeep your friends' lives. You don't get to make their relationship be about you.
And she made the right choice to hide it from you to spare your feelings, even if it didn't work out. She is a better friend than you deserve.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Ahhh well it’s sounds like she’s never was a real friend. I know this really hurts. I know you feel betrayed. But don’t think you can “salvage” this friendship.

Madlc · Answer

From your ex’s side he didn’t do anything wrong because you ended things and that’s life.

As for your friend, I would be upset too.

The best thing you should do is act like it didn’t bother you and ignore her.

blocking her would give her more than she’s worth.

I know how you feel and best wishes.

whistlingwh0res · Answer

Back stabbing happens. You might think that you are a good friend of her but the fact is you and her are just pretending to be good and collaborating to get more boys attention. You might want to be alone for a while to figure out that you need to become truthful about what you really want and try to get a boy you want without any collaborations.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

nothing, she doesn't need to inform you who is she dating... she probably knew you will take it badly, so she hid it from you your break up was 10 months ago... don't you think it's time to move on?

avery58 · Answer

They're both 🗑️ Don't care about them, just be careful with who you trust in the future.

Anonymous · Answer

You and this "ugly bastard" broke up almost a year ago. What makes you think you have any right to judge her or him for dating each other? Maybe the reason she didn't tell you is because she knows you well enough to know how you would react. Just sayin.

The answer to your questions is... do nothing. You have no reason and no right to "do" anything.

Account · Answer

Nothing. Do absolutely nothing. They both do not exist for you. Move on with your life and never look back. It is not worth the energy.

In_Trance · Answer

She's not obligated to tell you jack shit.  Why are you watching your ex? Stop paying attention to your ex.  Why do you give a shit who she's dating? Are you going on the date with her or something?

katiesmuff · Answer

You should do nothing and just move on with your life!

JacobJordan · Answer

So if you can't have him no one can? Grow up. Your relationship ended he can date whomever he wishes as can your friend.

Staximus · Answer

You don't need to do anything, just let them fuck off into the sunset together and be done with them.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I am one who does not care. If she's my ex, I have no claim on her and whom she dates is not my concern or business. You need to do what works for you.

Anonymous · Answer

Just send her an anonymous gift basket of toiletries including a bottle of shampoo spiked with clothing dye and move on!

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

Bruh that’s weird… I could never let that slide

OddBeMe · Answer

Pretty bad friend wise. She prioritized the wrong thing.

Pohjolan · Answer

Well did you specifically tell her that she shouldn't date your X in advance?

nawtee_me · Answer

Nothing it is your ex isn’t it? No more ties right? He is now her dick and not yours….

MrDaveAPSI · Answer

Friends dont let friends date their ex. not a very good friend if you ask me

grega239 · Answer

"friend"

jahaims · Answer

Why are you friends. She doesn't respect you

JesseP1nk · Answer

You two broke up... why you care?

Twalli · Answer

Clearly you haven't moved on, clearly he has

robocop666 · Answer

did you dump him or did he dump you?

DreamLife7 · Answer

It's none of your business move on

Anonymous · Answer

Nothing, it's none of your business.

I found out my very good friend is dating my ex without her letting me know, what should I do?

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