It wasn’t supposed to end with a breakup, what happened?

[queenie555]

Me and my boyfriend were dating 5 months, it was our first relationship after being single a year. Everything was going amazing, he was kind and patient, he was foreshadowing marriage and kids since the beginning. But we only had 3 arguments they were all about other women, to me petty arguments either about social media or real life. I developed an insecurity, and decided to talk to him about it since I had caught him staring at a half naked woman on a jog while he was with me.

He didn’t receive it well. He ran to his parents house and ignored me for hours. When I called him he screamed at me, threatened to break with me, told me “he’s a guy and what do I expect” ( which he then took back) he ended up saying sorry and the conversation ended well but then I confronted him about his threats to break up.

Threatening to breakup anytime we had a disagreement he didn’t like being called out on anything he just wanted harmony 2/47 365. He was unwilling to have uncomfortable conversations he said he “couldn’t handle it” and opted to breakup instead of listening to anything I said. I’m heartbroken because for me it was only an opportunity to set boundaries and grow together. I just wanted to talk about it.

I don’t think I want to be with a person who dosen’t know how to have effective conflict resolution and makes me feel insecure. But still it hurts, I genuinely loved this person very much and I believe he loved me, but why was it so easy for him to let me go when he didn’t get his way?

I already know I can do better, I thought he was the one after I had waited so long to find someone, he instantly let me go. I refused to be manipulated/ threatened that shows me inconsistency I agreed yes we should end things.

Updates

11 mo

Did I dodge a bullet?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang girl, that really sucks. I know you had high hopes for this relationship, but it honestly sounds like you dodged a bullet by breaking up.

Some red flags I see:

- He threatened to break up any time you tried to have an important conversation. That's super manipulative and not how healthy relationships work.

- Getting that defensive and angry when you brought up your insecurities is not okay. He should want to make you feel supported, not attack you more.

- Nobody should be staring at half naked women while with their girlfriend. That'd piss me off too if a girl did that to me.

It seems he wasn't mature enough to handle conflict in a respectful way or make your needs a priority. As much as it hurts now, do you really want to be with someone like that long term?

You're so right to want a partner who can communicate through issues instead of just ditching at the first sign of discomfort. You'll find someone better who treats you right!

For now, lean on your friends and focus on you. Time will help the pain fade - you got this! Be glad he showed his true colors now instead of wasting more time on him.

[knottywriter]

In the long run you probably did dodge a bullet. Appropriate conflict resolution is a key to successful relationships. My ex used to just not talk because she didn't want to face the tough parts of a relationship. She instead was emotionally abusive and it nearly cost me my life because of the black hole. of depression it sent me through. Some red flags are there to make you run away. I think in this case it might have been the best choice. Proud of you for not letting your heart overrule your brain on that one.

[Anonymous]

I see fault on both sides here, but in the end I do agree you can and should do better than him. His reactions were a red flag.

Having said that, you should work on controlling your insecurities and not letting them create conflict in the first place. Conflict resolution is important, but conflict avoidance is even more important..

[queenie555]

Tell me how I was wrong. This wasn’t the first time this was nearly the 7th time I’d seen similar behavior and decided to confront him.

[strateguy632]

for him he "fled someone bossy" so easy