If you’ve ever been cheated on, did you struggle with thoughts that your betrayer’s life was better and more perfect afterwards?

Question

I was cheated on by my boyfriend of 2 years. He broke up with me and left me for the girl he got pregnant, to raise a family (without telling me this) I find out a year later about his infidelity and struggle with thoughts of comparison, idealizing his life, as if he has the perfect happy life, and their relationship is just as perfect. Have you ever felt this way and what are some things/mindsets that helped mitigate these thoughts?

BCRanger10 · Accepted Answer

I don't know if I was "cheated on" per se, as we weren't in a formal relationship at the time. However, even after having ignored me for two weeks, she was openly active on Facebook, including being flirtatious with someone.

A few months later, she was in a relationship with a completely new person. She and I "broke up" in February that year and by August, she was engaged and pregnant. Five years later, she sent me a friend request on Facebook. I browsed her page and discovered that she was getting divorced and that her mom had died. It should go without saying, but I took no delight or satisfaction in either event.

Having known her, the kind of person she was, her background, and of course the circumstances, I knew she'd very likely end up getting divorced. I think for me, part of it was just eventually realizing that I dodged a bullet and knowing I could do better than her.

In 2012, I wrote a MyTake about this about a year and a half after all this happened. I'll link it here. Hopefully you'll find some of those tips helpful (though there are some things I don't know if I'd recommend now).

I realize that it's natural and tempting to make comparisons, but you really can't allow yourself to do that. It's not healthy, for one thing. For another, you have to realize that he's probably going to do the same thing to her or other future girlfriends, maybe even his wife. You're comparing a steak-shaped wad of dirt to an actual steak.

I hope you find this all helpful. I wish I could tell you more, but I fear I may have gone on too long already.

Lowly_Grump · Accepted Answer

This scumbag of a boyfriend of yours is about as loyal as a hungry dog in a butcher's shop. He scurried off like a cockroach when the lights come on, leaving you in the lurch for a life of diaper changes and midnight feedings. What a pathetic excuse for a man!

As for his new life, let me tell you, it is as perfect as a lopsided sandcastle built too close to the tide. Oh yes, the charm of raising a screaming, pooping machine with a woman he probably trapped with a "whoopsie daisy" is surely a dream come true. Their relationship is as harmonious as a cat and a mouse sharing a bed, and their love is as deep as a puddle in the desert.

To mitigate these thoughts of comparison, my dear, remember that this scoundrel is as appealing as a week-old sock soaked in vinegar. He is a walking, talking disaster, and his choice to leave you was as intelligent as putting a sock on a dog's tail to stop it from wagging. His loss is your gain, for you are now free of his pathetic, weasel-like ways.

So, chin up, my friend! Go and live your life with the knowledge that this man is a laughing stock, a joke, and a fool. His "perfect life" is a farce, and you, my dear, are well rid of him. Remember, the best revenge is living well, so go and shine like the sun, for you are free of this cockroach and his vinegar-soaked sock of a life.

Stay strong, my friend, and remember, the world is full of idiots, and sometimes, I just need to laugh @on_my_knees at their ridiculous antics.

Anonymous · Answer

I wasn't ever really cheated on, but I was with him, we were on our way to the beach together when I caught him checking some other girl out. And he had his fancy way of "cracking his neck" to make it look like that's what he was doing when he was really trying to look at something or someone. I felt horrible after seeing him do that. Then later after we stopped talking about 2 months later he started dating this one girl, and was looking at me while he was with her. I see him right now as he is married to that girl (who was always there b4 he even started talking to me) and think why in the earth didn't he just talk to her in the beginning. I think about it now, and honestly his behavior makes me think he may have been the type to cheat. I have a lot of hurt, and felt really bad. They are now expecting a baby and it hurts me, because I tried so hard to give him a lot of grace. I didn't even tell him I caught him checking some girl out and I'm very sure he did it more than once. I wanted to stop talking to him at the beach right there. But I also didn't want to hurt his feelings because He went through a lot to talk to me. I feel like he got away and is living a great life now... and I was here hurt from it. It hurts, and it looks like they're having a great life now. But always remember people reap what they sow.  Cheaters/players pay for what they did... maybe not right away, but they sure will... just wait.  It can be hard to not compare and feel so hurt and betrayed. We hurt now, but if we wait we'll find someone, and we get a chance to find someone so much better then them. Then we'll be happy and it'll be their turn. It's sad, but it's true.

PointlessNonsenseGuy · Answer

If it makes you feel better, your ex's relationship is probably nowhere near as good as you make it out to be. It started with him cheating, and his wife knows that, so how much is she going to trust him going forward? How likely is she to believe him when he says nothing is going on between him and the hot chick at the office?

Your ex's marriage might self-destruct, or it might not, but it's not the ideal relationship you've made it out to br.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes I have I even had it where she got pregnant by somebody else... I ended up seeing her friend about a year ago and then all of a sudden she started showing up into the neighborhood where I'm living now..(hoping to bump into each other).. it's been about 7 years since the relationship ended.. the way I can put it... Its like having a bad diet it will eventually catch up to you... People who are crappy people turn into crap..

Radiate143 · Answer

Struggled with the thought that I was gneuine while they were just manipulating me the whole time. Truly, people who habitually betray people are deeply unhappy.

DishLady · Answer

No. I see my cheater on the regular... He spared me a lifetime of misery. God works in mysterious ways.

jahaims · Answer

Cheating is never about the person that gets cheated on. It's about the person cheater hating themselves and coping

LiamJHayden · Answer

Unsure. Any time I get that "vibe" I just dump her and move on.

Anonymous · Answer

We only take pictures of happy moments. Give him another year and he will have cheated on her too

impalabill77 · Answer

Nope? I did not. Actually the opposite for me. I wish her all the pain in the world.

ILIVEGODSLIFE · Answer

I never had a girlfriend after that to me they all hoes

MacDaddyRico · Answer

You should see him for what he is; a loser.

Dongie · Answer

I'm sorry, that hurts.

sheikalana · Answer

No LOL.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Anonymous... you were toxic and he leveled up.

Anonymous · Answer

Nope. I don't date cheaters.

If you’ve ever been cheated on, did you struggle with thoughts that your betrayer’s life was better and more perfect afterwards?

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