I kissed my ex on a night out?

[Anonymous]

Myself & my ex broke up about 8 months ago. It unfortunately ended toxic and the relationship got quite intense at the end, and despite her telling me she loved me, she said it was draining for her and she couldn’t continue. I was ultimately at fault, and I regret it: I immediately went no contact, and started improving myself. I got a new job, I started working out, and got rid of all remnants of her from my life. We hadn’t seen eachother since the break-up until last weekend we went away for the weekend for a mutual friends birthday. I wasn’t going to go, but thought who cares, I’m not letting her win. It was awkward at first, but as the weekend went on we both loosened up, and on the last evening everyone else went to bed, and it left us talking about life. She asked me if i was dating, to which I said we shouldn't talk about that stuff. I finally opened up and told her how much i did love her, and that I still thought about her every day. She began to get emotional and admitted she had missed me. She admitted that all she’s wanted to do this weekend is kiss me, and wanted to ask me for a cuddle. We hugged and unfortunately, as alcohol was involved, we began to kiss. Nothing further happened, and we lay in bed cuddling for much of the night chatting until I got up very early and left. I kissed her goodbye whilst she was half asleep. I text her the day after to say I didn’t want to stress her out, and if it was a one-off not to worry about it, but if she wanted to talk we should leave it a few days. She replied saying that it is clear how much love and care we have for eachother, and that meant the final night was inevitable. She said she is really worried about how toxic things got, and doesn’t want things to be intense again. We agreed we’d leave it a few days, and she would contact me when she’s ready to talk. It’s now been 8 days, and I haven’t heard anything. I’m trying to be patient, but was it just the alcohol talking, or is she just confused?

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn dude, that's a lot to take in. I can see why you'd both be confused after what happened. On one hand it was probably really nice connecting with her again like that, but it also brings up all the past relationship stuff you were trying to leave behind.

I don't think the kissing was "just the alcohol" - there are still real feelings there on both sides. But she's right to be wary about getting intense again after how things ended before. Given your history, it makes sense she needs time to think about what she wants.

It must be so frustrating not knowing where you stand, but pushing her or double texting might push her away more. The best thing is to let her come to you when she's figured it out, even if the waiting sucks. In the meantime try to keep yourself busy with friends so you're not just sitting around thinking about it.

Who knows, with some time and space maybe she'll realize she does want to try again slowly. But you can't force her decision. All you can do is give her the space she needs and hope for the best. Keep holding out hope man - I'm sure you'll get your answer soon enough.

[Anonymous]

It happens all the time between exes. You can make it a one-time thing or continue on from there.