Why do people act as if cheating is no big deal?

Question

How is it not a big deal? I mean…. your partner put all their trust into you just for you to break it and destroy their heart. They’re bawling their eyes out. They’re wondering why you did what you did. They’re asking themselves why they weren’t enough. The list goes on. So, again, how is it not a big deal when it impacts on them so much?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

This is a great example of why it's SO SO SO critical to vet your partner's morals and values from the very beginning (and this applies to EVERYONE). Most people don't do that, so it takes months, years, or even decades to discover that their morals and values aren't like yours. That's way too big a risk.

in my opinion, cheating is a deal-breaker - an immediate relationship killer. And, yes, I've had opportunities to cheat - once I even had a drunk girl naked in my bed trying to pull me in with her, and I could have "gotten away with it" if I'd done it, but I would never do that to anyone. That's not who I am.

If you're with a person who doesn't have STRONG convictions and high morals - if they are wishy-washy or try to justify cheating in any way - then YOU made a poor choice and you are, at best, with a ticking time bomb, and at worst, they've already cheated on you.

Man or woman, it is YOUR job to VET your potential partners, and if they don't pass, you kick them to the curb and move on. Of course, that ALSO means that YOU need to have the same high morals and values yourself, because a person with good morals and values isn't going to accept any less from their partner. If you didn't vet your partner, then you don't know who they are, and once you're already committed to them, it's too late: you've already made yourself vulnerable to being hurt. Vetting has to be done BEFORE you get into a relationship with that person.

In many respects, selecting a partner is like selecting a CEO for a company - you'd better believe that you should be looking hard at their qualifications and checking their references AND doing some extensive interviews to make sure that, not only does their vision for the future align with yours, but that their morals and values are where they need to be. And if they aren't, then you thank them for coming in and "don't call us, we'll call you."

The problem is that most people are unwilling to do any real work, and even more, they're unwilling to disqualify anyone who they find really attractive, no matter how many red flags are waving wildly behind them. That's why so many people's relationships fail: they set themselves up for failure from the very beginning.

If you want a relationship to work, date only LOCAL people, VET every potential partner from the beginning, and DISQUALIFY anyone who doesn't mean your standards of morals, values, and life-goals - EVEN if they're attractive. If you do anything else, you're playing yourself for a fool, and fools get hurt and used. Your choices have consequences, whether today or 20 years from today.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

It's the mind of the cheater you're trying to understand. Cheaters are selfish to begin with... they don't give a fuck. If they do give a fuck they're only giving a fuck because they got caught.

Think about it, they talk another person into an agreement of mutual exclusivity, and then they break that agreement because of whatever dumb reason they make up. ... and the reasons are usually very dumb and not respectable at all. I mean they'll even blame the person they cheated on... that's like that kid playing tag with the other kids that makes up rules just so that they can't lose... it's cheating 101. <--and yes, it's just a game to them until there are consequences.

The other type of cheating, which I'm guilty of, is where you're doing it in order to hurt the other person. It's the whole point. I'm not going to get caught, but I'm going to tell her and rub it in her fucking face. I'm going to combine it with leaving her or doing it again and again. We're talking revenge cheating and straight up hate cheating. But I don't think you're asking about that type of cheater.

Kelley1 · Accepted Answer

Your question is false. Almost everyone on this site states that cheating is bad. I am the only person on this site that I am aware of that believe in some situations cheating is acceptable.

petitedollbabee · Accepted Answer

What people are you referring to? The only ones I’ve ever met who act as if it’s no big deal, are the ones who cheat themselves.

Summeroflove · Answer

Because either they’re trying to make themselves feel better…. Or they have done it so many times it’s normal to them. Unfortunately a lot of people are at that point. Where they just have cheated on or with people so many times it’s become normal and they’re desensitized to it.

Some people are genuinely heartless to hurt someone so deeply and not even care, much worse get off to it.

Anonymous · Answer

It always amuses me whenever someone creates a question about cheating. Because to me cheating is very black and white issue. There is no coming back from it. I don't care if we are in a relationship for 20 years. You cheat on me and it is over, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. There is no debate to this. And you'll always have those people (usually women) that say "how can you throw away 20 years like that". Which always leaves me gobsmacked that these people do not see the 1000lb. Elephant in the room. I didn't throw anything away! She did when she cheated. I'm going to say this once, THERE IS NO JUSTIFICATION FOR CHEATING, EVER"!

We live in a world that tries to normalize a lot of abnormal things. Don't buy into it!

Anonymous · Answer

Who acts as cheating is no big deal? That hasn't been my experience at all. The majority of people considers, cheating as the biggest offense in a relationship and unethical, as can be seen from the replies in this and other questions on the site

LittleOreoGirl · Answer

Because they are stupid assholes who are not worth the air they breathe. Simple.

Jessikaah91 · Answer

Because some people just don't care about who they hurt

Anonymous · Answer

that's why they're trying to outlaw paternity tests

handsomelad70 · Answer

Because today's hookup culture, friends with benefits and other situations make cheating easier to rationalize than previously.

SoJust · Answer

They see it as normal because they think of their own interests.

jahaims · Answer

They have poor morals and values

Why do people act as if cheating is no big deal?

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Why do people act as if cheating is no big deal?

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