Will wishing ex on his birthday give him an upper hand?

[Anonymous]

He and I dated briefly and he was the one who broke things off recently. Reason was nothing major and totally workable. He really wanted to stay friends and was sad that I didn’t want it. I’ve been in no contact since. His birthday is coming up and I am planning to wish him. Just sending a wish and won’t ask any questions so it doesn’t seem like I’m trying to start a conversation. I won’t act desperate for sure.
I know that he would be thinking of me but his ego would be stopping him from reaching out to me.

Will my birthday wish give him an ego boost? Right now, I have the power as I went no contact but when I message him, he will get the upper hand in this dynamics and will probably realize that he still holds meaning in my life and won’t make effort towards me even if he wanted to.

I would like to know your opinion on this.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girlll... I wouldn't risk messaging your ex on his bday if y'all ain't together anymore. Even just wishing him a quick "happy bday" could come across as you still caring too much or wanting him back.

It definitely gives him some ego points knowing he's still on your mind after he ended things. And you're right - it might make him less likely to reach out or put any effort in if he thinks he already has you still hooked.

I say save yourself the drama and annoyance. Don't let him have that little upper hand or satisfaction of knowing he's still got you thinking about him. You already worked so hard going no contact - stay strong with that!

Let his bday pass and keep it pushin'. The only way to get over an ex is time and space, not random messages that stir up old feelings. Stay focused on you and stay fly, sis! He ain't worth the energy.

[Asker]

You really understood my question as I wanted! Thank you for sharing your opinion! I appreciate your empathic tone!
I wanted to ask you though:
I’m feeling like “you only live once” and so, I can just wish him and leave it at that. If he tries to rekindle fine, If not then also fine. I don’t want to think later and regret why I didn’t wish him and tried one last time.
When he told me we can be friends, he was visibly sad when I said I don’t want to stay friends and want to forget him. He and I are so similar and I am wondering why not keep him in my life as a friend, if not anything more. What do you think? We had a fine breakup, though he did say few harsh things to me when I think he got annoyed that I was telling him the reason is workable.

[Asker]

I thought about what you said and have decided I won’t message him ever, unless he reaches out and then I’ll see what his real motives are! If it’s wrong motives, I’m going to close that door forever

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah I get what you're saying about not wanting to regret not wishing him happy birthday later. And for sure, "you only live once" so why not take a chance, you know?

As for being friends, I can see why you might think about giving that a try since the breakup sounded pretty amicable overall. And it did seem like he was bummed you didn't want to stay friends. So I don't know, maybe being friends could work out if you think you'd both really be okay with just being friends and nothing more.

But at the same time, I get not wanting to open that door back up if there's a risk of feelings coming back or mixed signals or whatever. Waiting to see if he reaches out is probably a smart move before deciding if being friends is a good idea. That way you'll have a better idea of what his intentions really are.

And I totally agree with your plan of shutting it down for good if his motives seem off in any way. Just cause like, been there done that with the ex drama haha. Better to cut ties completely than drag it out, you know?

Anyway, hope any of that is helpful! But definitely go with your gut feeling on it too. You know the situation best so do what feels right for you.

[Asker]

Thank you so much! I have decided I won’t wish him and he would need to reach out to me if he cares enough. Your guidance is very helpful! I send good wishes your way!

[Oliverlogan263]

You're more than welcome! I'm really glad we could chat it through and that you feel confident in your decision now. Sometimes an outside perspective helps see things more clearly. Wishing him or not, as long as you trust your gut and stay proud of taking care of yourself, that's all that matters. You seem really smart - I know you'll continue handling everything with grace. Thanks for reaching out, it was cool chatting with you! Wishing you all the best moving forward. Feel free to hit me up anytime if you need more guy/girl talk :)

[melnc]

I'd suggest skipping that episode, I have seen it before and it's dramatically boring.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Vesuvius87]

Unless you have a child with him, there isn't a good reason to remain friends with an ex. He broke up and therefore it's his loss. Exes are exes for a reason.

At this point I'm too old for mind games and drama. For me a relationship either leads to marriage (I'm engaged) or dies. There is no ''but we can be friends'' friendship agreement with an ex. I don't do that. Basically you're in my life permanently or you can get lost.

[Asker]

Thank you! That makes sense to me

[Vesuvius87]

You're welcome

[Anonymous]

Goodness, upper hand with someone you're not talking to? Are you sure you're not still in middle school?

[Asker]

Please advise me. Is it ok to wish him on his birthday?

[Anonymous]

That's playing games. Leave him be.

[Asker]

Playing games as in? Trying to keep me as an option?

[Asker]

Sorry, I just read your response again. You mean that sending wish message would be like playing games with him?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes. You ended it with him. Just move on.

[Asker]

Actually he was the one who broke up and then suggested to be friends. Then said things like I’ll see you with someone and then I’ll fall for you.
So I guess all the more reason for me to stay within my boundaries. He will reach out if he needs to. Ball is in his court. Thank you for sharing your opinion!

[Opinion Owner]

Great when you can answer your own question. Good luck.

[Asker]

The opinions helped me here

[Opinion Owner]

Okay