Why is my ex insisting on being friends?

[Anonymous]

My ex dumped me back in June and is now dating the woman he told me “not to worry about because they are just friends”. I never begged him to stay because honestly I had a gut feeling that he was going to break up with me. I was completely bummed out, but I accepted the situation for what it was. He said that he hopes that I don’t hold any ill feelings told him and still wants to be friends. I told him that I don’t however, I have no desire to be friend. Now he’s upset and says that he feels like we should remain friends for the sake of our mutual friends and that he still value our friendship.

I’ve been trying to heal and move on with my life. I received a promotion at work, starting working with a therapist, applied for a graduate program for the Spring semester, joined a running club, started yoga and meditation, and put a down payment to go Bali (something we said that we’d do together).

Despite the fact that I’ve made no attempts to contact him, he’s called and texted me numerous times (which I ignored), keeps looking me up on LinkedIn, commenting on my IG stories/posts (which I also ignored), when I finally deleted him on social media (sent me two back to back follow requests then he DM’d me asking why I unfollowed him). This all came to a head when he (drunkenly) cornered me at a mutual friend’s house warming party asking why I snubbed him and was giving him the cold shoulder. I told him that I am just trying to move on with my life and he followed me before a friend intervened. I left and he called me three times in a row.

Why the fuck does he want to be friends so badly? It’s not like he doesn’t have other friends.

[Anonymous]

A few possible reasons. One he’s still trying to bang you while seeing this other chick. Two he’s not seeing this other chick no more but for some reason just wants to bang you w out having an actual relationship w you. Three which I highly don’t, he feels bad for you so he’s trying make it up in some way. Four, he doesn’t want your mutual circle of friends to look at him as the shit bag for dumping you. So if he can get you to still be friends w you it’ll look like everything is cool between the two of you. Five, he’s trying to make you look like the bad guy because he can say he tried to work things out w you but you kept rejecting him.

[Asker]

Why am I good enough to screw, but not good enough to date?

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t know. Only he would know that. I don’t know him the way he knows you.

[molonski2]

I always just to say ( around your time of life ) " I have plenty of friends " , you are really never friends anyhow , its just an out. These days I just let it go and say " yeah sure " , but really nothing happens , so I would not be too concerned about what he wants or otherwise.

[Asker]

I thought that him just wanting to be friends just meant he wanted to be cordial, so this reaction was unexpected.

[molonski2]

Can well understand

[Anonymous]

He really crossed the line. Keep your boundaries strong. He will move on. I agree with the male commenter too

[ProbablyClueless]

He's trying to make himself feel better for cheating on you. I guess the thought process is if my ex is cool with me, that means that me an [other woman] were meant to be together.

[Anonymous]

Now you are the friend he tells her not to worry about

[In_Trance]

To keep you as a backup plan