Guys, Is he hurting too?

[silvermoon84]

Sorry, I know nobody here can answer for this guy. I’m just trying to get an idea of what goes through a guy’s mind when he breaks up with a woman. I met him on Facebook dating. We only dated for a short time (a month), but given the communication and text messages between us, it looked like it was going to be serious. This is the same guy that I’ve been posting about lately. Every morning he was texting me “good morning beautiful” and sending me one cute/sweet text after another throughout the day (I always responded and even sent him the “good morning handsome” texts if he didn’t text me first). We went out three times and were talking about spending a whole day together, and after our last date I called in to work the next day after the date ended late (we didn’t have sex but we did make out). Out of nowhere, he texts me that he wants “time” and then the next day I ask him to clarify how much “time” he wants and he breaks it off with me, telling me that I texted him too much while he was working (I texted him at the same frequency he texted me at and was unaware that it was a problem because he never communicate that to me). He was very cold and rude and we got into a fight after ward and he told me to “please move on”, then I said “ok fine, I’ll find another man” and we both said “have a nice life, bye”. This was about a week ago, so today for shits and gigs I go into Facebook dating and see he blocked me. I was hurting about a week ago over this, was starting to feel better and then felt awful again as that solidified it. I guess I’m just wondering if he’s hurting as much as I am after all the cute/sweet messages he sent, but given how things ended and what his stance was towards the end, I’m highly doubting it. Men, how does breaking up with a lady affect you, especially if it was only a short term relationship? Is he hurting as much as me?

Updates

9 mo

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t ask about this particular guy. I meant to ask if men hurt in general when they are the dumpers and it just segued into asking about him alone because I started talking about my own pain.

[MrOracle]

You were in the "pre-relationship" period - you weren't (yet) in a committed relationship and you really didn't know each other that well. And clearly, there was a communications problem (mostly on his end, it seems). So, no, he's not going to be hurting - he wasn't (yet) that invested. That takes more time, in most cases.

The reality is that if we were living in a time before online dating apps, you'd have likely met this guy at school, at work, or at some place where you spent a good amount of time, and so you'd have likely gotten to know him and his personality BEFORE you agreed to date him - and you'd have been able to discover if he had issues/red flags before you got to that point. One of the many problems with meeting people online is that you have no idea who they really are, what their morals, values, and life goals are, and all of those incredibly important things, and so the result is that you're going to have a lot more "false starts" when you actually try to date someone, because you didn't have enough information to eliminate them before the dating process even began. You've got to accept that and be prepared for more dating attempts to crash and burn in the first month or two - and it might be YOU ending things in some cases.

If you're going to date this way ("online", which I don't recommend, but most people are still going to), you've got to take things more slowly when it comes to investing your emotions, because you've got to expect a high failure rate. It would help - a lot - if you had a more robust vetting process, because you would be able to eliminate major incompatibilities before you even start. The problem is that people - especially women - tend to be unwilling to break things off even if major red flags are exposed IF they feel really attracted to that person. But that's when you need to break things off the most - because if you don't, you're going to be living in delusion and that sets you up to be used and emotionally hurt.

[silvermoon84]

This makes a lot of sense actually. Yes you’re right, he didn’t communicate at all about setting boundaries for texting, he just expected me to just know. I was still feeling a bit sad when I posted this, but the more I think of it the more I think he just used “excessive texting” as an excuse to end it, which kinda answers my question, but thank you.

[Ironco]

I got dumped by a girl over 30 years ago, and to this day I still think about her, even after we both got married to other people, some pain stays forever.

[silvermoon84]

I’m sorry to hear that 😔

[Finchie40]

Depends on how much he was into you and how much time you shared together. To break up with someone after a month isn’t much time , so I don’t necessarily think he was hurt because he dumped you over texting him too much? That to me sounds like a lame ass excuse to dump someone , It sounds like he was isn’t being completely honest with you , he is probably dating someone else or interested in someone else that he didn’t tell
You about So that’s why he gave you a lame excuse to dump you. Look at it this way , He did you a favor , he sounds like a moron lol.

[Avicenna]

Depends on his personality

[Bklynbadboy12]

Before I answer you have to give me a little more information. He broke up with you right? Did you guys actually meet?

[silvermoon84]

Yes to both questions

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, he is hurting. He regrets what happened. But he thinks there is nothing he can do to change the situation.