Am I in the wrong for wanting a break?

Question

Yesterday I asked my boyfriend if we could take a break from the relationship. I’m dealing with a lot of other things in my life, like family problems which are very demanding and is causing me a lot of stress. I felt overwhelmed and felt that I needed to balance personal challenges and a relationship at the same time.

It wasn’t about pushing him away, but I wanted to give myself the space needed to take care of my mental health and prioritise my needs.

I regretted asking him for a break immediately so we decided to try, and we’re going to talk about it tomorrow as we need to get better at open communication. Am I in the wrong, was this cruel of me?

sawno · Accepted Answer

I think your doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. Asking for space and asking for a break from the relationship are two different things to me. "Babe, I'm going trough a lot. I love you but I really need some time to myself. Mind giving me a while to myself before we do stuff again?" is entirely different than "I am going trough a lot so i'd rather be single for a moment".

I know that last one is not what you meant but a break from the relationship does come across that way. It would feel like your love for me can be suspended, it would make me worry your loyalty for me could be suspended and it would ultimately think I did something wrong.

While if you ask for some time alone we'd be a couple, I know that if somethings up we can go to each other but that for now you just need a moment to heal. That's a much more fitting and healthier way and its the route I advice you to take. Clarify to your boyfriend you very much want him, but that you need more alone time than usual to rebalance and recover from the stress.

ChicoFromThe305 · Accepted Answer

Nope don't suggest a break, there's another solution to this and it's the right solution, don't ask for a break, usually breaks result in damaging results for the relationship and the reason that is usually is because of the ending of the commitment, there's simply a better solution and that to ask your partner for space and time to focus on other things but remain committed to each other, that way you can find solutions, perhaps check on each other every once in a while, have conversations once in a while but plenty of space in between to find an organization to your issues and problems, that way the relationship remains intact and when y'all get enough time for each other he didn't grow feelings for someone else throughout that time and by the time you want him back his feelings for you have faded, unless the issue itself is the commitment and your emotions for him, breaks are pretty destructive and tbh if these are the issues you are better off just breaking off the relationship completely.

TheRealPepperPotts · Accepted Answer

What @sawno said. He's spot on.

I'm kind of curious how your boyfriend is supporting you as you go through all of this. He should be an asset to you and help you bear the load, not be an additional burden and stress.

I'd recommend getting a good therapist for yourself, too. It will allow you space to process out loud without dumping it all on your boyfriend constantly. Then your conversations won't only be about family drama, because you've had a chance to talk it out. It's OK to discuss things with your boyfriend, but I get the sense something is keeping you from feeling comfortable doing that. A therapist is a safe place to unload and practice vulnerability.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this; these things are hard.

jennyPuss · Accepted Answer

Yes. Nobody needs a break from hell. They need to escape. Asking for a break is fundamentally wrong because you're asking someone else to be loyal, or you're playing the odds that they won't be having sex with someone else, while you give yourself permission to have sex with someone else guilt free.

Guess what? You're already guilty because you're having sex with someone who's not your husband. If a woman isn't married and she's having sex, she's a slut. And it's never a surprise when sluts act slutty. I don't know if that is the category you fall into but if you want to be a slut then go for it. I guess these days there's no shame in it

Finchie40 · Answer

You aren’t wrong , but don’t expect your boyfriend to be waiting for you , people that need breaks shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone period , your partner is supposed to be your top priority the same way you should be making them yours’ so understand by you asking for a break, just tells your boyfriend that he is now single and can do whatever he wants , he can hook up with other girls’ have sex with other girls’ etc. by you asking for the break was your decision not his. So Donny be upset when he ends up meeting someone else that doesn’t need a break from him

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. "I want a break" almost always means, "I want to break up without the drama, so let's take a break and then just drift apart." And sometimes, "let's take a break" means "I've met someone else who I want to pursue, but I'll probably come back to you if this doesn't work out." Any girl who asks me for a break will get a very candid discussion about why that is a bad idea. Any girl who asks me for a break more than once will get a very sincere and final forever goodbye.

2. If you are so fragile that you can't be in a relationship and handle personal stress concommitantly, I would suggest that you avoid committed relationships and certainly avoid marriage so that you won't needlessly hurt other people's feelings.

AviatorTom · Answer

There is no such thing as a break in a relationship.  Relationships are like cooking. You can turn the heat down but you're still cooking.

Anonymous · Answer

To me asking for a break is not far off from breaking up. As a man I’d think you’d want me to help, to be there to support you. Maybe help you w some things that I could do w in my power to support you. It’s life. Things happen. Whether you’re a him or another man 10 years from now, should something like this come up again, what you going to do? Ask to take a break? You could have talked to him. Expressed how you’re feeling right now. That you have a lot going on. Please don’t feel as though I’m neglecting you if I seem distant, my family is just going through a lot and it’s weighing down on you heavy. If I was him I’d take it as though I did something. Like what did I do that you need a break from me. I think as men we’re more ok w that as far as you having a little time to yourself. Honestly I don’t know too many men who sit around their phone all day waiting for a girl to text or call. We don’t need that emotional connection 24/7 the way a lot of women seem to need it. Yes there’s always an exception, I have to say that cause I know some girl is going to say not true my man gets his feelings hurt if I don’t text or call right away. Right now I kind of question if you should even be in a relationship?

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

Girl I see nothing wrong prioritizing yourself putting your self first. Your mental health is important. Speaking from experience at the end of the day guys do not care and will take you for granted. Your guy needs to understand and be an adult understand the situation why you need a break. If you don't take the break you will probably end up taking therapy in the future. I wasted years on a ass whole never cared about me. So please do not feel bad. You really need this break for the sake of mental health. I have learn if I don't take care of myself no one will. I used to put people first back when I was young when I needed them what did I get from guy a kick in the ass. So do not feel guilty break is worth it.

Hsisjwbwbjsjd · Answer

I'm really happy you want to get better at open communication.

One thing that you should maybe ask yourself is wether you two are supposed to be together. I mean like if he's a burden to you, i wouldn't want to be with him. You know your situation, you know what he brings to the relationship. If he's just a checkmark, so you can say you have a boyfriend, that's not fair to you or him.

From the update and your comments, it doesn't sound like that is the case, but i wanted to comment it in case it is. I hope you can work out the problems and can become a stronger and more supportive couple :D

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

What is a break even mean it would be either you want to be with him or you don't want to be with him.

It's like asking the guy to be on stand by.

Can you ask break from being daughter to your parents or a sibling?

Break is something when people ask when they have found someone better and just want to slowly slide out of the relationship by letting them down slowly in order to not hurt the person but guess what it would still hurt.

You can ask for space wording is important.
But I am not sure what your intentions are though so it's hard to tell.

Anonymous · Answer

What does a break actually mean? That he and the relationship are not what you need right now and you want to just drop the overhead. He should just wait in limbo until you see for to pick it up again.
There's no power in that for him.
And ideally any problems in life you would lean on him and maybe it would draw you closer.
Perhaps you should talk less of break and more of what's going on in your mind, how best you hope he can support you because you feel the walls of your existence are falling in on you and you need to hold onto his stable presence.

RavVid · Answer

I would have taken it badly.

I would have hoped my girl would see me as a positive benefit in helping her deal with life's tribulations and to be a safe haven. More as a rock for her and not another straw on her back.

I would feel rejected in a number of ways. Is he really a burden on you?

GlitteringWorld · Answer

In a healthy relationship, partners support and stand by each other through all of life's challenges. It's important to ask yourself what kind of relationship you truly want. There is no such thing as asking for a "break" unless you genuinely want to break up, avoid drama, or your feelings for the person have faded, and you're just staying together to maintain the relationship. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but that's what I felt.

strateguy632 · Answer

If you like him you need him to be "together " during the difficulty you wrote.

If he is a burden then " break is bad" just separate he shouldn't wait for you.

Reference series friends "we were on break". Said ross.

Juxtapose · Answer

So instead of asking for a few weeks to sort your shit out or whatever you are telling him that the relationship is done with for the moment?

That's not going to be taken well by him at all. You are essentially destroying the relationship rather than asking for time alone. He's going to interpret this as you have another guy already lined up or you are trying to break up with him in a roundabout way.

Anonymous · Answer

It definitely sends a bad message about his significance in your life.

I would like to believe my girlfriend would lean on me to help comfort and support her during difficult times, and vice versa. That's one of the most valuable things about a relationship. Pushing me away instead would tell me I'm not very important to her and give me a glimpse into what a long term relationship with her would be like any time the road gets bumpy.

Ukrainianbuddafly · Answer

I don't believe in breaks. I think everyone deserves their personal time to be respected and that shouldn't come with a temporary break up. We can work through what's happening or we can separate, easy.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

First off i love your name as i was born and raised in Brooklyn NY. There is nothing wrong with you needing a little space you have to protect your peace. If he was doing what a man is supposed to do he'd be helping you through it. At times likw this he's suppose to be your rock and be more understanding. Just out of curiosity is he helping you get through your problems

spartan55 · Answer

Just break up, you aren't being fair to him at all. Stop thinking you get do-overs too. You said what you said, and now you want to backpedal that statement? Fuck that, bye.

katiesmuff · Answer

Hopefully this will work out well for you and him with the open communication. It's likely you'll be able to stay together and he will be able to help you through these troubled and stressing times.

chrissykerdock · Answer

maybe a break isn't needed you can still take time off a break means he;s free t see others and maybe he don't want that and would be g=happy to wait as love is rare

DrPepper12 · Answer

It's a really shitty situation. He can't provide for your support and we'll bring and doesn't understand why you need to do this yourself. It's a double whammy that he sees as the beginning of the end.

SugarSugarplum · Answer

A boyfriend who adds stress to your life instead of helping you through it is NOT a viable mate. I suspect you don't know what a boyfriend is.

Texaskid1 · Answer

A break?  LOL  Just get it over with and break up with him (cause it is what you really want anyways) .  Nothing lasts for ever - including relationships.

BetaBucks · Answer

What's the other guy's name? And why not just break up, instead of putting a human being on hold?

Berethor · Answer

I think that you wrong, what if he would be with other girl during the break, is that okay?

JesseP1nk · Answer

"Wanting to have a break" is a first sign to a guys that you about to dump his ass.

Anonymous · Answer

no you are not wrong. its important to prioritize your mental health. you have to put yourself first. if he understanding then he will support you and your decision.

Makeushiver · Answer

Good for you, as you are undoubtedly aware, you're beautiful

Nerdvana · Answer

No, if you need a break, then you need a break. But just keep in mind, your boyfriend might start dating other women.

dudeinohio · Answer

Yes. You are wrong. Breaks are an admission you cannot sustain a committed relationship. You may as well. dump. him.

LiamJHayden · Answer

The problem with a "break" is that many people assume that is a nice way of breaking up and proceed accordingly.

Crazzyyworld · Answer

Do what you feel right. Don’t feel wrong about it.

noohair · Answer

If you want a break, then you don't have the skills to be in any relationship. Life does not allow any do-overs.

legalboxers · Answer

sorry... you put this in my head

EnjoytheDay777 · Answer

Not at all. I've totally been there, I understand how you feel. Do what you need to do to be happy.

dsrice071966 · Answer

No not at all it is healthy to give you a break.

Oncewildtwiceburned · Answer

A break today is just a breakup

MisterWack · Answer

If you want a break then take a break

luvstoned4him · Answer

That sounds valid. I hope he is understanding.

WhitneySnow · Answer

You were right

Maybeyoutoo · Answer

Maybe yes, maybe no

Am I in the wrong for wanting a break?

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