Does taking a break ever help a relationship?

[Anonymous]

My fiance and I of 8 years have been having a lot of trouble in our relationship. There was a lot of damage done on both ends and honestly I just want to be alone for a while. I just need to be by myself because we got together when I was 17 and ended up having a baby at 19 and I have been living the house wife life ever since. Just recently, a friend of mine kind of made me realize that I lost myself while trying to grow up so quickly. I gave up everything that made me happy and just lived my life in accordance to my fiance and children, I'm not talking about parties and booze either. They are things that I could (and am starting to) incorporate into my families life. Once I realized this I was so much happier, but that happiness also caused me to sort of drift from my partner. I had lived my entire life around him and now that I realized I needed my own identity, he was confused and things started to become very conflicting. I wanted to plan camping trips and go outside all the time, where he refused to help and hated camping. I wanted to become more active and put the kids in a variety of sports, but he didn't see the point. I wanted to pursue a career and he felt I should be working on getting a job that could help us get into a house. (We live in an apartment) Our goals and ideals were conflicting. This happened and that happened. Things were said, feelings were hurt, and we are left at a point where I am so confused as to whether or not we are even good for each other anymore. I want to be alone so I can figure out what I actually feel for him. But I don't want to end our relationship. I don't want to sleep with other men, I just want to be alone. Does taking a break ever work? I don't want him to think I'm just trying to find an easy way to break up.

Breaks work, if they are implemented correctly.

Breaks work, but it is very rare.

Breaks only lead to break ups.

Other.

[lightbulb27]

I said other because I couldn't conclude accurately on any of the above. Mine lead to a breakup.

I think it is essential though to get a break to sort out your feelings and come up with a plan. Part of that plan is to get counseling for the both of you. You apparently have 1 or more kids involved so that is the sticking point and you've said you don't want it to end. Divorcing/separating means everything is divided up and you'll both become more poor. This is the problem with two people coming together who haven't figured out they are compatible... now the realtionship is serious work!

I don't hear any compromise in him. Communication needs to be improved, learning to love someone needs to be understood and improved... that means accepting them as they are and wanting the best for them. Learning to compromise.

You two need serious counseling if there is any hope of this working. You might start that counseling and take your break at the same time, get back together in a month... or get together only for counseling or something like that.

[bryon]

I had to choose D on this one. Many here will say ohh yea breaks works and they magically fix all that's wrong. I have never been one to think it solves anything. In fact while you may not realize it , it often comes off to the other person as a lack of commitment to the relationship and serves as a wedge that can split the two up. I can relate to needing time to yourself as I have been married now for 18 years. I guess I am fortunate that my wife loves the outdoors with the same passion that I do. I would suggest having a long talk with your guy and explain to him how you are feeling and try everything to get him to meet in the middle on things. If that fails or he simply refuses then other steps may be unavoidable

[PrincessofNohr]

I've never done "breaks" myself, but I've only seen it lead to a rocky and unstable relationship. Granted, it's never been between two people who were married, but what I've witnessed is people constantly going "on again, off again" in an infinite cycle. It just ends up stressing them out and causing problems, and every time it has led to a breakup. Maybe try taking a solo vacation to sort out how you feel about the situation. Just go someplace you can be alone with nothing but your thoughts. I've done that before when I've had to parse and analyze my problems.

[Michonne551]

I've never heard of a break working out for anyone. I had one once, and basically we just ended u separating because it drove me so crazy I wasn't able to give him space, because I was just so upset and afraid to lose him and that he wanted to be apart... I was young and immature, though. I suppose it could work, but I think it would be really difficult and it could potentially just add in more issues rather than resolve the ones you have.

[miabethx]

I don't know what to say. my boyfriend is my best friend... we live in the same group of friends, and I feel like his family is also mine. it's weird. we've never had a fight or anything. only once when I was on my period. I'm a horrible period person. I always think that everyone hates me and doesn't want me so I push people away when I bleed. lmao. I'm weird.

[hellionthesage]

Leaving and not adressing the issues will not resolve them in fact its worse becaues you cut yourself off from him which causes your connection to him to weaken and in your current state that could cause irreperable damage. You say your unhappy, where you always? Are you unhappy with your life or are you unhappy because you feel you need to do more? ie is it really what you feel or is it something from an outside source ie soceital expectations or things friends said? When did this start happening? The fact is the only solution to your problem is analzying your feelings and communicating with your husband. If necessary see a marriage councilor, the fact is your not the only one who had to put aside there wants and feelings for there family, I highly doubt your husband is running around doing everything he wants while you sit at home taking care of the kids, he is out there working to provide for you and your children. So you need to also keep that in mind, just because he is away from home doesn't mean he is out living his life, he has dedicated (I am presuming) his life to his family so is you wanting to suddenly disrupt that so you can do what ever it is you want fair to him? Is it that he doesn't want to or that he is stressed out and you are pushing to hard? Is it that perhaps he is feeling as burned out as you and doesn't know how to deal with it etc etc. Its a complicated issue and you need to consider all variables that includes his feelings as much as yours, your childs feelings as much as yours. Its normal to have a down period in a relationship but if you push through it then it will get better. Statisticly speaking it will be better then the early years of your relationship (according to studies) but only if you stick it out and work with him. Right now your only considering what you have sacrificed not what he has so just keep that in mind before you make a decision.

[SaleenMustang13]

Personally breaks only leaded to lies and one another seeking a possible second or completely different relationship. However I have been with someone who we were very much in love and a break did work but we only tried for a week because we know another well enough and we're open with another after 10 days it was we were either going to make another work or we were done. I just posted something on a different question. Dating these days and finding someone whom wants to be with only one person (I'm male looking for female) is next to Impossible! I hope this helps out a little with your decision...

[accomplice]

My cousin met this guy during her first semester of college. They fell in love and got married. After a decade, she wasn't so sure she made the right choice. She hadn't had a chance to sow her wild oats. So, they separated for about a year and she dated a few guys -- nothing serious.

Then she realized she really did want to be with him. They got back together, subsequently had 3 kids, and she never looked back. They're great together and have been together over 35 years.

[Hal2002]

Breaks usually do not work, they are temporary fixes that usually do not solve what is fundamentally wrong with a relationship.

Nothing is ever solved, by running away from it.

[badger25]

It really sounds like you guys have substantially conflicting views on how you want to run your family. My suggestion is to keep making suggestions for family activities, but he needs to be more open to trying new things.

[GingerGuy]

I don't believe in them. If someone is suggesting one it tells me they really want to break up but are just trying to sugar coat it which only makes it worse in my opinion.

[AzureGirl]

I think as long as the two of you are clear and honest about what you want then taking a breather from one another shouldn't be a problem.

[usernameidgaf]

well we all learnt it from ross and rachel, it takes 10 years and being in love with someone when they were getting married.
p. s. rachel was right morally

[Casstiel]

Breaks never worked. Its not a part time job or school you can't give a break you can get end of this or get more close. There is no middle point of two options sorr

[jesshkah]

I had a question about this a few days ago, might be helpful for you to read some comments

[Nomad69]

Took a break for 9 days got back together for 2 weeks and I get dumped and there was no reason really. Apparently I scared her I don't see how at all

[John_Doesnt]

They only work if neither person finds someone else during the break.

[orphan]

breaks are for people who lack courage to actually break up.

[Melcart23]

I think when couples begin to take breaks, that's a good signal of the beginning of the end.

[Chris0516]

Get couples counseling

[Anonymous]

maybe ;)