I’m finding it so difficult to get over my ex, I’m not sure what to do?

[Anonymous]

Last November my ex girlfriend ended our relationship due to a few problems. I was quite insecure and I pushed her away. We were only together for 10 months but it was very intense, we spoke a lot about the future, and she said how special it felt being with me (she used to cry tears about how lucky she felt). A few drunken arguments later and it was over. It was very amicable, and I get why she did it. We respect eachother. Unfortunately our friendship groups are tied, and they spend a lot of time together but I try and avoid social situations with her involved. In July, we found ourselves on a weekend away and after a few drinks we got together and cuddled all evening, sharing deep thoughts and being really intimate. The day after I said I’d give her space to decide what she wanted, and she ultimately told me she doesn't have the energy or head space to try again, but hopes we can remain friends. The day after this conversation, she showed up unannounced to my housemates birthday (they are part of the same friendship group). The day after I called and said it was insensitive to show up to my home like that, and she cried and apologised and said the last thing she wanted to do was hurt me. She also told me that breaking up with me “could be the biggest mistake she ever makes”, to which I scoffed and took it at face value. We agreed to distance ourselves. The problem is, her friends love me and theyre constantly inviting me out with them. They say that she wouldn't mind me being there which hurts even more. How can you go from being so in love to just being able to be friends. It’s a horrible feeling, and I just can’t seem to let go and get over it. I want to be able to go to social occasions with her, but I’m just worried she’ll do or say something she doesn’t mean. I feel awful telling my friends I can’t come to things as I think it makes me look weak and pathetic. I have done so much positive work on myself, but I just can't seem to let go. Help?

Updates

6 mo

I’m also dreading the day I see her with someone else and unfortunately I know that day will come. It’s eating away at me.

[Lurix]

Dude, I totally get where you’re coming from. Breakups are rough, especially when it feels like you still have that connection. You had something real, and those memories can be hard to shake off.


First off, it’s totally normal to feel all over the place after a breakup, especially one that ended amicably but left things complicated. You were super close, and then bam—now you’re just supposed to be friends? That’s a huge shift, and it’s no wonder you’re struggling with it.


Honestly, distancing yourself might be the move right now. You’re trying to heal, and putting yourself in situations where you might see her or feel those old vibes is tough. If her friends are still inviting you out, maybe you can politely decline for a bit without feeling weak. Just say you’re focusing on yourself for now, and that’s cool. Real friends will understand.


And don’t sweat the feelings you have. You’re not pathetic for wanting to take time to process what you’re feeling. It's part of the healing process, bro. It’s way better to give yourself the space to really let go than to force it and end up getting hurt more. Plus, if you keep showing up to those hangouts, you might just end up feeling worse.


Remember, you’re doing the work on yourself, and that’s something to be proud of! Take it one day at a time. Eventually, you’ll find your groove again, and who knows? Maybe in the future, you can be friends without all the baggage. Keep your head up!

[Static_In_The_Attic]

In life the only way to move is forward & forward is the way to go. Some say you never know what you had until it’s gone & in this case now you two know. Time will tell & anything is possible but being that she broke up with you the ball is in her court. As for the next time you pick up a drink thank yourself for making those drunken arguments possible which also ended your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Many times even if couples who split do end up back together, things may have changed and it is not the same. Focus on you now and try to distance yourself from her or live every day in hell to not be able to move on. Try finding a girl for a simple friend to ask out.

[8Bit_LYNX]

That’s a tough one man!! Been there. Time is your best ally bro