I had an online girlfriend for 3 years, she's a very sweet lady, but as time went on, she grew less and less invested, but I persisted, trying to make things work.
But ultimately, it came to nothing, and she ended the relationship, but wanted to remain friends, but even that bared little fruit.
Still, I've checked up on her periodically, to see how she's doing, she rarely replies, but she's pleasant when she does. I've since entered a new online relationship, and this one is progressing much faster, but has been halted by the war going on.
She had to sell her laptop to pay hospital bills and we haven't talked in a week, because of it. She's raising money to get a phone, we talk every day, not being able to do that has been hard on us both.
Today, I received a reply from my ex, it said "stop f*cking texting her, you damned weirdo. I'm her boyfriend, and I'm f*cking her"
This message shot a shock of pain in my heart, while I have given up on being with her, and moved on to someone else, the fact remains that I spent 3 years trying to make things work with my ex, and feelings will always be there.
It hurts my heart to think of someone else bedding her, and talking about it like that. I need fhe comfort of my girlfriend, but I can't get it, and who knows when she'll be able to communicate with me again.
The friends of my girlfriend who've seen her in person, have assured me that she misses me as much as I miss her, probably more, according to them. But to hear a guy talk like that about my ex, it disgusts me, and the fact that her photo is still stuck on my charging screen, doesn't help anything.
I went through something like that, briefly. I also met my wife online, so I have some experience to draw from.
The Bible covered this simply as "the truth will set you free". So your job, is to find the truth. You are getting some via other opinions but not believing it. Let me reiterate...
* You don't know a person until you meet them in person. This was a "friendship" or whatever, but not real life dating. Not real! This is a big issue as bonding online means you got only a part of her... you saw a facade of her, not whom she fully is. She's probably perfected in your mind, when she's a human, a flawed person.
* No woman is going to tolerate a long term relationship at distance. If you can't get together in person, and she's deflecting you... you must learn to cut your losses and move on. It takes two to commit or else you will suffer.
* You are young and have work to do. You will have to accept you have some serious development to mature that was made worse by this situation. It will be painful and difficult. Get a wise counselor, e. g. God, talk to real people, get a therapist, read and watch videos about relationships, ask lots of questions out here... to learn about yourself and others. Probably take 10-15 years til you start to awaken to yourself... your issues, your flaws, your emotions, your wounds, your programming... once you start. Getting over this may be never... but the pain will dull and you'll accept who you were at the time.
* Only date (e. g. put your heart into) real people in person until you are more mature. Online is fake. It's fake.. it's false.
* I'd treat this relationship like a death, have a burial, burn the papers, delete the photos. Do so with friends to reinforce it. I'm not saying you kill yourself, her or anyone else. I'm saying you accept the pain [which is real and maybe worse than physical pain] of the loss and you learn and grow from it as a human being. (e. g you wisen up, become a better more confident man, learn about your personality and issues, turn the pain into love for another, etc..) Do not go hurting anyone or anything because of how you feel.
* Lastly, and I know you don't like hearing this... I'd paint a picture in my mind how awful she was, she lied, I'd find everything wrong you can find. And I'd see that, get upset about it, burn it in a fire or delete it, so you cna move on emotionally. You keep her perfected in your heart, then you are screwing every other person you meet. Throw this "relationship" in the trash can where it belongs, since you aren't mature enough to have seen it for wha it was to begin with and it went too far.
All that's easy to say and work to do. So decide what you will do, and go do it. I'm sorry for your pain and loss. It's very powerful drugs of mating at play and it really throws you for a loop. You come out of it better when you face the issue as a challenge and climb to the top of the mountain, to see life again anew.
Do not dump a bunch of blah blah on me. I only want the truth. Spend 5 days writing down what the truth is...
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2 Reply
Asker
17 d
Online is the only card I have to play, there isn't one single girl in the western hemisphere who doesn't have an onlyfans account, her entire family sells drugs for a living, and what turns her on, is a guy driving around, shooting into random people's houses every day.
My only choice is to expand my search, cause there are no single girls worth a dime in the western hemisphere. Not a single one
First off you must realize that LDRs don’t work. People need human contact. Words just don’t cut it. Next you need to remove her pictures and put them away… she broke up with you… she was done. Move on but try to move on with someone local so you can see her and touch her, even kiss her. We all need that contact.
Good luck?
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Asker
18 d
None of the girls anywhere near me would ever want to be with me, and even if they did, they'd only be interested in money.
My only hope in finding a real connection is to look outside the country to find it. She loves me, and I love her. You can believe it, or not, I don't give a damn if you do
It's the card I've been dealt, acknowledge that Texas isn't the only place that has ladies in it, to acknowledge that the United States is NOT the only place that has ladies in it.
And you know what? The ladies outside of the United States are more genuine, and more caring than anyone I've ever seen here.
As far as removing photos of my ex, I did. As far as dating local, all of the good girls are taken, the rest are trashy girls who think it's cool to sell drugs, invade people's homes, and drive around in a car, shooting into people's homes.
Those are hardly any qualities I look for in a mate, plus, they're more ugly than an ogre and live off of their mom's onlyfans money
Where do you live that you have girls like that? Wow!! I wasn’t saying you didn’t love your girl and she loves you…. What I was saying is human nature will always win out. Long distance relationship don’t work. I too had a LDR once. We were planning a wedding and I was planning and working on bringing her here where I am… then I found out she was banging a local guy near her. She said it was because she missed me so much that sex was always on her mind…. LDRs don’t work.
LDR's can work, and I fear that I'll regret it for the rest of my life, if I gave up on this.
The fact of the matter is this, she shows me so much love, that it's hard for me to keep up with her.
I'm not a naive fool, I know how to search for names and figure out if a catfishing is taking place, and I've found nothing on her that suggests that she isn't really the woman in the photos, and she's sent me explicit photos with her face in it, to me.
I'm sorry that damn whore played you, but my girlfriend isn't like that. When she was hit in the head with aa steel pipe by men sent by her ex boyfriend, she was saying my name over and over, when she had only the power to say one thing.
She loves me, and I love her. Whether you believe in it or not, I want to tell her "I do" and hear her respond the same, before we put gold rings on each of our fingers
Well, she doesn't message me, anyways, and she's made it clear that my dreams of putting a ring on her finger will never come true, and I've accepted that.
No matter how she's changed in these past few months, there's no way she'd condone her boyfriend talking like that about her to me, cause she'd know it would hurt me.
What you do is WAKE UP and realize that you aren't in a real relationship. Long distance DOES NOT WORK, ISN'T REAL, and is nothing but a fantasy. Relationships are about spending time TOGETHER, IN THE SAME Room, on a regular basis. This requires that you date LOCALLY.
I know this truth is not popular, or welcome, among many, but it's still the truth. Dating a real person that you spend real time with IN PERSON on a regular basis eliminates most of the problems you are having - but it tends to require making a lot more effort upfront, and too many people today are unwilling to make that effort, and then wonder why they constantly fail.
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Asker
18 d
Dating locally has brought about as much fruit as trying to grow a peach orchard on top of an active volcano.
Even if I succeeded, they won't be loyal at all, and they'll just want me for money. I had to expand my search beyond the United States.
I love her, and she loves me, you can believe me, or not. I don't give a damn
If you aren't able to be with her, none of that matters. It's an illusion, and it's wasting your time. Obviously, it's your life, and you can waste it if you want, but I'm trying to help you here. You're going to wake up a few years from now and think "what did I do and how did I waste so much time?"
If you really think this woman is the one, then move to be with her. Having said that, I can tell you, as an idiot who had to learn the hard way, it's EASY for everything to be great when you're long distance, because the other person can so easily filter out everything bad or annoying (and so can you). Things change a LOT when you spend REAL time with someone - often a shocking amount. Words are cheap - actions reveal the truth, but if you aren't there, you have no idea what her actions are. Hell, "she" could be a dude in a basement in Cleveland for all you know - or even AI. You might laugh, but it happens.
I'm not at all against finding a girl outside the country, but if you haven't spent at least a couple of weeks in a row with her, YOU DON'T KNOW HER, and you REALLY need to be careful.
I agree. But who says you are limited to just those women? You are choosing defeat before you even start. Set your sights higher, and do the work necessary to get what you want.
What says that I'm limited to just those women is the fact that I live in the western hemisphere, all the good girls are taken, or have so much competition that I'll have to beat 1,000 other men to get a chance with her
I instead have imaginary girlfriend lol 😂😆 I find it's much easier, healthier and I don't lose touch with reality. No different than any fantasy. Coping mechanisms
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Asker
18 d
I don't need an imaginary girlfriend, I have a real one
3 years and you never met in person? There's nothing to get over because it was not a relationship if you never met. That's not remotely close to to a girlfriend. Did you send her money?
Long-distance is a joke, this result was inevitable. Stop wasting time on bitches who are too far away to touch.
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Asker
18 d
As opposed to wasting time with girls locally? I might as well reach up and grab a handful of stars and sell them at my local bank, as to try dating locally
It's not that, at all. For the past 9 years, I've talked in person, to every girl I found interest in, every single one.
But they're always either taken, or their value ends with their looks, cause they're on Onlyfans and live off of the drug money their mom brings in for them as she gets high in their disgusting apartment that perpetually smells like skunk spray
That's not the kind of girl I want to date, or even sleep with. I want a good lady who appreciates hard work, who's willing to look past the surface of me and see my deeper meaning, but the fact of the matter, is that local girls in Texas, and the whole country for that matter, are 1 in a million
Outside the country, they're as common as a fresh bottle of water
You need to focus on yourself and get your money up so you can afford to become a passport bro who can travel and meet these women in person. LDR is a waste of time.
You move on. Your girlfriend has to deal with that guy, but it's her choice.
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Asker
19 d
Yes, but she deserves someone who respects her, not taking her phone and writing about how he's "f*cking her" to a man who simply asked how her family is doing
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